I Am Worthless

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Thrillers  |  House: Booksie Classic
A girl ready to end her life.

Submitted: February 05, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: February 05, 2012



I locked the door behind me, breathing shakily.

"Hey, bitch!" I was pushed over, hitting the cold concrete hard.

A tear spilled from my eye as I sat down on my bed, swallowing as the memories flooded my mind.

"What do you want?" I asked, and they laughed evilly.

A sob escaped my dry lips, and I frantically tried to wipe my tears away.

"We heard how willing you are. You'll take any guy you can get." Ethan, the tallest said, grinning.

"Emma, is that you?" I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and I shook my head and ran over to my door, turning the lock just as my mother tried to open the door.

"That's not true." I whispered weakly, and they all laughed and held me down while I screamed and cried.

"Emma? Open this door!" My mother demanded, and I shook my head, blinking rapidly.

I begged to no avail, and my most precious possesssion was taken away from me, just like that.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?!!" I screamed, now sobbing loudly as my mother banged on the door.

They were merciless, like hungry wolves, never once giving me a chance to fight.

"Adrien?!" she was calling my father up now, and I heard him rush up the stairs and ask her what was wrong as I heard her voice cracking and breaking with each word.

I couldn't move- one by one, they took turns biting me, stratching me, scarring me for life.

"Please..." I sobbed, and I heard the front door close downstairs.

"Stop!" I cried, only for them to laugh cruelly and hit me harder, hurting me more.

I screamed loudly, grabbing photo frames and smashing them against the wall as I heard my older brother rush up the stairs, sounding concerned.

One of them, Ethan, watched the others hit me and hurt me, not a hint of sadness or regret on his face.

When I had stopped screaming and smashing things, I heard my brothers' calm voice on the other side of the door as I swallowed and listened.

Some were impatient- waiting their turn.

"Emma, open the door. It's okay, I'm here now." His words almost made me cave in, but I clenched my fists as tears of anger poured down my face.

It sickened me in more ways than you can possibly imagine- it was like they were lining up, waiting to get a piece of their prey.

"No!" I screamed, opening my wardrobe and throwing all of my clothes out- all the silk, the linen, the perfectly tailored school uniforms.

When it was Ethan's turn, he made it so much worse.

I never wanted to see those things ever again.

His hands explored every part of my body, and he looked into my eyes and smirked as he saw the tears streaming down my face.

They were all banging and yelling now- my screams and cries drowned them out.

Just before he took me, I looked into his cold eyes and asked him why.

"Emma, what happened? Was it something at school? We can sort this out, it's okay!" My father tried to convince me to stop, and this only angered me more.

He answered me simply, coldly, without a doubt- because I was a whore on the inside.

"I am a whore! I am a worhtless, stupid, dirty, ugly whore!" I repeated this over and over again, and I heard my mother crying loudly.

The pain he brought me- I never knew a man could be so cruel, so selfish, so horrible.

I heard someone rush downstairs and come back up, smashing something against my door.

After they had all had their fair share of me, they walked off, leaving me there on the sidewalk.

A small hole was smashed into my door, and I saw my brothers' bright blue eyes look into it as I stared at him, bloody tears soaking me as he gasped in horror.

They thought I was dead.

"She's-she has..." My brother was struggling for words, and another hole was smashed through the door.

They thought they had killed me, and they were just going to leave me there to rot.

They were getting in too quickly- I rushed into the bathroom and opened the cupboard, frantically searching for the razor I kept.

I cried and cried, the rain washing my painful tears away.

They weren't looking in now- they only wanted to smash my door down and get to me, before it was too late.

I had nothing- I was nothing.

I found my razor and slit my wrists, nothing stopping me as my tears mixed with my blood.

After what seemed like forever, the rain was gone and I stood again, my thoughts only on one idea.

I heard a chainsaw- they were going to cut the door down.

I knew exactly what I wanted now- it was the only way to escape the pain.

Still holding the razor, I ran over to the door and pushed against it frantically. I would not let them in- they just couldn't see me like this.

My head throbbed and there was pain between my legs as I walked away, but I knew it would end soon.

"Where is she?!" My brother asked frantically, and I realized that they couldn't see me.

It would end soon, it would- I would end it soon.

"The saw!" My father yelled, and I heard a cling of metal as the chainsaw started up- they were working on the wall, destroying my room just to get in and make sure I was alright.

Why couldn't it have been someone else? Why couldn't a more beautiful girl be walking before me?

I almost regretted my decision, but if I lived with the pain, I would never forgive myself.

These were selfish thoughts- but purity had been something I had planned to keep.

I ran to the other end of the room, standing against the wall and clutching the razor in my hand as I felt it slicing straight through my hand.

My family- what about my family?

"Emma, please, don't hurt yourself!" They could see me holding the razor- they knew what I had planned.

No, I didn't care about them anymore. If they had just picked me up I wouldn't be feeling like this right now.

I shook my head, blood dripping on the soft white rug as I stared straight into my mothers' eyes- she wasn't helping them, she just stood staring at me blankly.

It was their fault that I would die tonight.

I lifted my shirt and stabbed the razor through my stomach, sliding it down as I gripped the curtain tightly to keep from falling.

People drove past- nobody bothered to offer me a ride, ask me why I looked like I did.

I made an X on my chest, looking from my mother to my father to my brother.

Nobody cared about me.

My knees buckled under me, and I fell to the ground, holding my stomach as memories flashed in my head of my childhood, my family, my friends...my life.

I was worthless.

I realized I didn't want this- I realized too late.

My family broke the door down in time for my heart to stop, my eyes wide open in horror.

I had never been worthless- darkness had clouded my mind, and it was too late  for me now.

I would have never been even considered worthless- the only time I would be worthless was when I was dead.



I have known so many people who think they are worthless. Just remember that you're not worthless, you are beautiful in every way possible. Never think that you aren't good enough, never think that nobody is on your side. There will always be a supporting person, whether it be a friend, a family member, or even a complete stranger. You will never be worthless.







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