It All Started With A Request For Santa.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
It will blow, your, mind!

(Apologies in advance for not capitalizing all the "I"s,
I'm from the Netherlands and accidentaly forgot to do this.)

Submitted: July 22, 2012

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Submitted: July 22, 2012

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It All Started With A Request For Santa.

December 21st, 2011

Dear Santa...

How have you been?

What i would like for Christmas this year?

(First off, if you want to give it in advance then there will be no complaints from my side!).

A girl, yes. A cute girl.. Preferably, a cute girl "with" a brain.. Is that really too much to ask for?

No, not with a boy called Brian!
A girl who can think for herself en make decisions like the rest of us "normal" people.

What? No! Not in the line of "I know what's your favorite dinner tonight"!..

Well actually.. That's not such a bad idea. But i need more than that!

No, she should not only be able to cook and fetch me cold beers!

On second thought... Throw in some Kama sutra knowledge in there too, and i won't tell

Mrs. Clause what you really did on your vacation with the Easter Bunny last summer.

Milk & cookies will be on the table.
Thank you!

PS: Could you make her a virgin?
PPS: Strike that. Make her an experienced lesbian who has turned bi after a bad breakup and secretly had cravings which never came out until she should see me.
PPPS: I really know what you did last summer, and i won't hesitate to tell if you don't come through for me with this one... See you soon!

March 1st, 2012

Dear Easter Bunny.

I would have written sooner.
But by now i guess you've already heard the news from your jolly white bearded friend.

Sad to say. Santa kind of dropped the ball for me on this one.
He thought he could get away by giving me an Asian mail order bride. Which wouldn't have been all that bad in retrospect.

But sadly, Santa wasn't wearing his glasses when he ordered her for me.
He seems to have missed a minor difference in the first word.
So now, what have i got under my Christmas tree (yes it stands in my living room all year long, i know its not Christmas but, it just cheers me up!) is,
an Asian "male" order bride... No pun intended.

Needless to say, Santa is now arranging things with his divorce lawyer and Mrs. Clause is kicking him out and only leaving him the south pole. And one inbred elf.

I'm guessing by now you're getting the point of this letter I've sent you.
I am aware that Mrs. Bunny has an open relationship with you and did not really get upset with what you did with Santa last year because she only forbids you to see other women (not including men in the equation.. (Which i find odd in the strangest possible way...))

Now by this point you're probably also trembling with fear because you know, that i also happen to know what you and Hugh Hefner's current girlfriend(You and i both know she wanted to search for the eggs) Crystal Harris have done, right before you've had your fun with Santa. And that that same person gave you the Std with which you've infected the majority of imaginary land!

If you don't give me what i want.
I will firstly, and gladly, take this information over to your wife, so that she (And this is just a rough estimate of mine so, don't judge me if it plays out a bit different) can kick you in your Easter fashion painted nuts, and stick the giant carrot, which Carrot Top (No pun intended! And yes he indeed is an imaginary figure, i mean. No real person in his right mind would have hair like that... Right?) gave her for her birthday, right up your furry, waggling piece of bunny behind. Then i will take this information to the board of directors of imaginary land, after which am sure they will evict you, to the south pole as well. And even though you might have had a good time with Santa last summer. Santa is a well-fed man, and there isn't a lot of food over there. Now i imagine that if i saw a succulent bunny like yourself walking around, and have gone from usually eating 24 meals a day, to one inbred elf in a week. I would likely not skip the possibility of a tasty piece of wild rabbit.

Taking a minute looking back, and reflecting at my letter.
I would like to apologize for probably taking this whole thing a bit too far with the whole threatening part, and I'm really sorry about that.

To think that all of this began, by simply wanting to find a good Partner/Cook/Bedmate/Bi-Lesbian/Kama sutra-expert for myself...

Oh right! Sorry, i totally forgot my feedback there for a second!

Now, you know what i want.
If you don't want retaliation for what Santa did to me you better fix this.
Or my threatens, will become real life!

Look forward hearing from you!
Happy holidays & season's greetings!

PS: Say hi to the wife for me. I've missed seeïng her waggle that tail.

April 21 st, 2012

Dear Koena Mitra

Hi, how are you?
Listen, I've got your address from the Easter Bunny after a bit of harsh persuasion. But i was wondering if we could go out on a date sometime?

I'm a very generous guy. I like to give, far more than to take. And i would like to say that most of the time i try to be as friendly as possible to all my friends.

I get along very good with open, honest and experimental girls. I like imported drinks, sensual Indonesian literature with a lot of temper and preferably DIY's.
And above all, i always am as honest as i can be.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon! Call me! 0-666-666-666
Luv, x-o-x-o

PS: I would love to eat you out!
PPS: My bad! I meant;
I would love to take you out, to eat!

 

Dear Readers,

I would like to thank all of you exceptionally for sitting through!, reading, and maybe even loving, and/or hating this piece of work from the warped night state of mind of myself.
This piece was brought forward by a sleepless night filled with a lot of crazy ideas. I hope you had a few laughs.

Thank you.
Wigo Prüst


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