I Got Up At Ten A.M. and Had Breakfast
I got up at 10 AM and had breakfast at 1:15 P.M. That’s because I’d sat around all morning and thought about James. Well, I didn’t really think about James. I thought good thoughts about him. Which was hard work. I mean, thinking bad thoughts about him is easy. Like falling off a log.
I have spent whole days and evenings, thinking black bad thoughts about James. But to reverse that process and think GOOD thoughts about him? That takes effort. Not just ‘cause I WANT to hate him. WANT to detail every rotten thing I know about him. And color each one in. Fully. In raging red and inky black. WIth bolts of lightning snaking through.
No, but because thinking GOOD thoughts about him is definitely going against the grain. I can’t just set my head on autopilot. I don’t have an autopilot for GOOD thoughts. So it’s like doing things with your other hand. The one that never does those things.
The only way I can make myself stick with it is by keeping my reason for doing it in the first place right square in front of me all the time. Which means I have to pay attention every second. Otherwise, I drift off into thinking other stuff. Like about my split ends. Or the funny nail that’s growing on my left foot. Nothing I want to think about. Just -- more like my thoughts are little kids. If I don’t keep an eye on them, they wander off.
On the other hand, the up-side of doing this weird thing is that thinking GOOD thoughts about James doesn’t leave me grinding my teeth. Or with a twitch in my right eye. Or a blinding headache. Sometimes it even leaves me feeling mellow. Good about myself. Which is real funny. ? Peculiar funny, not funny ha-ha.
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