It’s An Old Old Story
Some people swore that the house was haunted. The Three Bears had been gone for years. Retirement at the San Diego Zoo for the parents. Big city, any big city, for Babe, the daughter. Village residents were divided on what to think - or do. They’d all been grandfathered into their properties, one way or another. Ways forgotten or, in some cases, wished forgotten. It was a tiny village. Run on a majority-rule basis. There was no electricity or running water. Dug wells. Wood stoves. Outhouses. Nothing fancy. Villagers made do. They’d shut out the world, but with no children, it suited.
When Hansel heard, he said, “Total nonsense.” In public, Gretel agreed. In private, she eyed their old house, especially the stove, and wondered. Red Riding Hood thought her house should be haunted, given her grandmother’s grisly murder, so she couldn’t afford to believe in hauntings and said, “No.” Bobby Shaftoe, busy polishing the silver buckles on his knee-pants, said he didn’t know as he hadn’t yet gone to see. Margery Daw said Johnny was too busy working for his new master to go see, and her seesaw didn’t go high enough so she could - sorry! The Spratt’s kept eyeing their dinner platter and said maybe once they’d finished they’d go see. Jack believed it, absolutely, but he’d been funny since his fall. Jill was too busy taking care of Jack to check for herself, but said the village was odd. The Three Little Pigs had gotten into real estate and no longer lived in the village. The Three Blind Mice, who house-sat for them, only worried that the Farmer’s Wife was back. Told she wasn’t, they fell about laughing, saying, “Got our own ghost tales, thanks!” - which was no help. Mary maintained her pretty gardens, but was still so contrary she argued everything. The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe and endlessly spit-polished the shoe in hopes her kids would come back, spat and threw things at anyone speaking to her. Tom’s father piped up, saying, “Oh yup, you bet,” while Tom said he was too busy fighting with Peter Pumpkin Eater because Peter claimed Tom’s stolen pig had eaten his biggest pumpkin and, “I have enough troubles, thank you.” Peter, busy repainting his house bright orange, said Tom’s pig should be shot and the Bear’s house torn down, adding NOT to ask his wife as she’d be sure to run away. Again! Little Boy Blue kept blowing his horn, but said he’d seen weird things going on at the Bear’s place. Little Jack Horner said he felt cornered by the questioning, asked was there any pie, and said all anyone need know was that he was a good boy. The King, a little OCD, wouldn’t engage and wouldn’t stop counting. Queenie wouldn’t stop eating, getting honey all over herself, but said it was no haunting, it was the the Three Little Pigs. “BIG pigs, they are,” she said. “They want the property to build a mansion on for themselves so they’re faking the haunting in order to get it cheap.” Seemed they’d made a killing in real estate. “Enough to keep the Wolf from the door,” Queenie chortled. Their maid never spoke after plastic surgery failed to repair her nose. The elder Bears, when contacted, had no comment.
And then it simply didn’t matter. Because home to stay came a very pregnant Babe and her husband, rising rap star and three time WWE champion, Goldilocks. And the world
Nothing was ever the same again after that.
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