Why Blame You Me to Love You

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Brief essay on how working on a Shakespeare scene affected me personally.

Submitted: June 04, 2012

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Submitted: June 04, 2012

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I place the phone on my desk with a trembling hand. My chest feels half full of sand as I struggle to control my breathing. My body goes numb as I was preparing for phone screen seems innocent, but it was the nail in the coffin on my sanity. My mind races, trying to make sense of what has just occurred. Months together, and it is over with the click of a button. Family disaster, academic achievements, and social dilemmas faced together. Each of us stronger because of the other. We were each other best friend. Now I feel like a grain of sand in the beach that is her mind, useless and worthless, unnoticed and unimportant. I would have done anything for her, and now I want to do nothing for myself.

Silvius is a shepherd, hopelessly in love with Phoebe. In Act V Scene II, Silvius’ efforts to court Phoebe have entered the level of begging. He begins to rant his characteristics of love. “It is to be all made of faith and service.” He uses words like humbleness, purity, and observance to describe his feelings to Phoebe, who returns them with frustration. “If this be so, why blame you me to love you?” exclaims Silvius. You can feel the desperation in the text as he pleads for her to love him.

Playing the part of Silvius for this project struck close to home for me. I drew from personal experience as to how he felt about loving someone who didn’t love him back. This scene accurately portrays these feelings, as Silvius is now begging and pleading for Phoebe’s love. I have felt similar sorrow before, and can remember feeling as if I would do anything to make the other person want to feel the same way. The aftermath of that is, to this day, the lowest point of my life, with nothing even coming close. So using these past experiences, I was able to really connect to my character and portray his thoughts and feelings.

This project was very personal to me, as I was able to form close connections with my character. I learned many things about myself in reflection. As hard as it is to realize, anyone who does not appreciate you is not worth the feelings of despair you have. I learned, which I didn’t know at the time, that it gets better. I saw my life as a black hole with no way out, but I have since moved on. And lastly, don’t put a rabbit fur vest on your mothers couch, as it will only make your life more difficult.

 

 


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