DAD'S nineteenth Nervous breakdown

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
I am the middle daughter in a normal dysfunctional American family. This is a true event that my brother and I captured to prove that having favorites in family should be revised. Normal teenage wild behavior is depicted, so if that is not your thing, so be it. The sketches came from my Dad's sketch book, as he used the event as therapy to get his anger out. Thanks Terry Firefly.

Submitted: August 19, 2014

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Submitted: August 19, 2014

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MY DAD'S NINETEENTH NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

(The middle child gets revenge!)

 

 

 

BY: Terry Firefly.

This story is not fiction, but I am not using my real last name, so that my older sister doesn't get revenge on fakebook.

Well, it happened that my role in the family, as the middle kid, the daughter who got stuck between my older sister Laura (Mom and Dad's Pet) and my younger brother Bob (the kid genius) leaving me to my own little world. Basically, I was the forgotten child, soon to seek revenge and havoc on my lamenoixious, slutty sister. You know the type a real slutch.

HA! But my status was about to be changed to the good girl status. You see. I knew that my sister,Laura the spoiled brat and con artist were about to get caught being her true self. They think. I am the dumb one of the family, I'll show them.

Growing up with Laura was like being with one those kid actor's, she turns on the charm and her big smile. What a fake. Sadly, most adults just fall for her bull-shit bingo, even most of her teachers let her slide. I watched and shook my head in disgust to see our deluded Father being lulled into believing she is sweet, but she as sneaky as a rat in a kitchen walking off with a ham sandwich.

I was bored and sleepwalking through my family's patterns. Forever, that beige color. Like an office cubicle. I once saw my Dad's office, and it made me want to go and join a circus instead of work for that hell hole. Even, my town lacked style, just a diddler place, as exciting as a bowl of oatmeal.

Our house is a cramped crappy brick Cape cod house in a boring little town, called Mt. Prospect. Except for the dream guy who won American Idol, nothing much happens here.

BORING!

Even worse is that I followed Laura into high-school and seeing the truth about Miss Goody two shoes actually behave. I wanted to PUKE, seeing her ass-kissing teachers. Plus, she was one of those dumb jock worshipers. Yes, Laurel, was course a cheerleader. I made my plans to blackmail her to get rid of my middle child status. It was totally clear, like glass, that Laurel was going to screw off again.

You see. She had already been caught going to a Jock drinking party, but she got off Nixon-Scooter like free, cause Mom's of course ungrounded her. When Pop's found out, he did sure stomp around and cuss about that one.

Our family was going through a lot of drama and bullshit, because of our Dad being told his job was going away. Dad was working for a Benefits Company, which had been turned into some sort of outsourcing company. I figured out that Mom was planning to get rid of Dad, before she got stuck on our sinking ship. Both Mom and Laura turned into very sneaky people. Poor Dad, didn't see that he was being made a chump. He had to work so much he was never home to see what really went on.

 

Watching Mom and Laura whisper. They would have secret meet ups. Even though they treat like the dumb one, I knew something was going on, big time. I could always count on my Sister to be out for herself.

She had her plans to go to Iowa to party in college and make Daddy pick up the tab. My Father, John L. Firefly, was so busy at work he never knew what those two were up to. That is when I decided to get even with Laurel and Mom for their crappy treatment. It is a beautiful plan, since I knew their scams by heart.

 

Now, Laurel thought she was untouchable and golden, while I got chastised for bad grades. I was thought to be the problem child. Can you believe such crap? They get all salty on me, when I get a C or friggin D, while Sis is getting busted by the cops with beer.

If you are attacking your opponent find their soft under belly,their weak spot. Laurel's weak spot was she thinks she is hot, cute and sexy, loved chasing the Jocks around. Guys loved her flaunting her boobs around and playing stupid. I found this revolting.

Like a pattern I knew, she had to party with her Jock friends once again.

 

She was thought to be the brightest, the future nurse and steady one of the family. What a load of crap! This time, I was setting up techno-traps, web cams, spy mics, and the whole techno-fshizzle to capture their bovoclast eldest daughter. For you adults, I meant sacred cow, that is my sister. Moo!  Then it happened, like neutrino fast. I hit up my ex, Derrick to get me all the equipment from Best

Buy. Derrick was working part-time as a Techno-fix it guy, and he is still was crushing on me.

Derrick, of course got me a discount on the necessary items, since he thought it meant we were going to date again. He is clueless, that I think he is too clinging and annoying to get a second chance, but I will deal with that later.

Before, I started installing all this equipment, I needed a plan. So, I scouted out the basement and realized that Sis would have the party there, so I set up all my web-cams in the corners between Pop's books. Laurel's friends or Laurel will never go near a book, so it was fab-flippin-tastic.

I got a super sensitive mic from my brother's recording equipment. My video show would inform Dad what would happen when he was gone. Awesome.

I would be like that girl in the Girl with Dragon Tattoo. I even ate some major crow and teamed up with my Brother Bob, who is real Technomancer. Lucky for me, Bob, was damn skippy with the plan, so he double-checked the connections and uploaded a fab program to run the web-cams.

I had the plan in place when Dad told me he had to go to India to train his replacements.

“Pops, just text me when you are coming home, since Mom and Laurel are always running around like chickens on coke.” This was the perfect setup, because it was true. Mom and Laurel were always driving around and ignoring Pop's calls. Pop's winked and smiled while saying:

 

“I trust you and Bob to keep track of Laurel. “Don't let me down.”

It was hard not to burst out laughing, since Pop's was going to see the truth up close, if everything went smoothly. “No, problem, Dad you can trust me and Bob.”

 

“How long are you going to gone, Dad?” I said this to see how many parties, Laurel might plan.

I could have a whole series of shows. A FRIGGIN REALITY SHOW! 

Dad looked down beaten and as he left to drive himself to the airport. Like he was stressing out.

“Bye, Bye Dad and good luck!” It was like my life was merely vacuums, since Mom was drinking again and hanging out with Laurel. They were like two sisters not Mother and daughter.

But, now I wasn't going to just Veg around. I had to just pretend everything was skippy.

I was invisible to everybody, so the plan was working.

I would just keep a few paces away from big Sister as she socialized through high-school, spying on her to see when she would throw the big bash. Zoonin in the Library, I got a text from Bob, that he had got a hold of Big Sis's phone when she was sleeping last night. He had done the dirty deed of adding me to be carbon copied on her email's. If she sent out a Email for the party, I would have the info to start our taping of the Laurel's reality show.

Mom and Sis spent more time together. It was horrible, Mom was drinking more and more.

She threw us a bag of fast food and then started going out. Both Bob and I were feeling something was up. Laurel was at her happiest like the cat that stomped and chomped the canary.

Dad had been gone for almost two weeks, and Laurel still hadn't her party. Boy, was all my work a waste time? Then it happened. I saw the flood of emails. She sent announcing her big party this Friday. After Mom and Laurel went out leaving us with a grease filled bag of Bun on the Run crapola,we started adding up the email addresses. “HOLY CRAP! SHE INVITED OVER TWO HUNDRED OF HER PEEPS TO THE PARTY!!” Bob looked at the cell-phone in disbelief.

You see are house is small house, that barely fits our family. “ We, are going to add more web-cams in the living room since this going to be a gigantomongous party.

“' How is Mom going to explain this?” I looked at Bob when saying this hoping he had a clue about what really going on with Mom. Bob, just clammed up and shock his head. Poor Bob had grown more sullen,as our family disintegrated, he was now most days, as silent as a Buddhist monk.

It took until breakfast to find out what Mom had planned. Before we had left for school, Mom had informed us that she would be leaving for a friend's wedding and Laurel was in command.

Bob and I just stared in a zoomout-moment. We both realized that like the evil Newtser, she had sold us out to her favorite. There was a deal cut.

Friday came and the party was, on as we heard the chatter and read the emails. Mom was missing in action, but before she left, she bought cases of Beer for her darling daughter and left the bar well stocked. Pops would have gone postal, but he was stuck in India and had enough of his own problems. We could have emailed him, but decided to keep our original plan of video taping Laurel's bad behavior for further evidence and blackmail.

Like Dad's dvd of Woodstock, there was a flood of kids walking across the park and coming into our tiny little abode. Laughing, some brought their own booze, others were just going to mooch what we had.

Bob and I hid upstairs in our rooms. We had turned on the webcams, and the recording was taking place. WHAT A SHOW! DRINKING, GROPING. POT SMOKING AND OUR BASEMENT LOOKED LIKE IT ALREADY WAS HIT BY A TWISTER FROM THE WIZARD OF OZ.

The music started, the laughing and the whole house started shaking. We both heard some furniture collapsing and our two cats ran like crazy and hid under the beds.

“Maybe we should text, Dad and tell him what is going on?” Bob said this.

I was just about to text Pop's. “Shit, I got a voice mail from Dad.”

“DAD'S ON HIS WAY HOME, NOW!”

“ He said he should be home in about thirty minutes.”

“LAUREL, IS BUSTED! BUSTED!” We danced and chanted our joy.

 

We now made sure all the web-cams had captured all Laurel's party in all its glory.

“Holy crap, the basement has been crunched, and trashed.”

The party got louder, but no cops yet, since most the neighbors just locked their doors or shut their windows. Bob, sat by the window facing the street. “Those kids were not as dumb as they look, they all parked across from the park.” “Check the webcam in the living room.”

“Wow, there are fifty kids in the living room, some are passed out on the floor.”

“DAD'S HOME, HE JUST PULLED INTO THE DRIVEWAY.”

Bob shouted this and I went to record poor Dad's entry into hell.

“Hold on, let me turn on my flip and record this, so we get's Dad first reaction.”

He is getting out of the car, with a confused look on his face. “He can hear the music.”

“They put a look out guy on the front porch, but he do busy kissing his girlfriend, guzzling beer to even notice, Dad.” Bob was doing the play by play. “Pops is walking up to the kid now and shouting.”

 

“HEY KID, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON MY PORCH!”,

HUH?, OH!” “YO Dude, “ Laurel is having a party for the Football team to celebrate our home coming and our

you on the Guest List? ”

“ Dad face just turned like, beet red ,and he is really TRIPPIN.”

I went to the upstairs window and saw the scene go down.

Dad starts shouting at the top of his lungs:

“I am with the POLICE, AND YOU MUST LEAVE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I ARREST YOU AND YOUR COHORTS FOR UNDERAGING DRINKING AND A MULTIPLE OF OTHER OFFENSES, YOU SCUMBAG.”

The jock kid, with oatmeal for a brain finally bubbles to come up with a response:

“CRAP!  Yes, I am leaving.”

We see numb-nuts trying to warn his friends with his cell-phone.

I don't think anyone is going to get his warning message, since the party is full banging mode. We now go to the computer and check the web-cam from the living room, as Dad tries to get into his own house, that is filled to the max cap with Teenage clusters. Viewing the cam from the living room it appeared that our poor little house into ANIMAL HOUSE and a soft porn from a Cinemax pay view movie called Cheerleaders Run Wild.

 

Poor Pop's can't even make it in the living room without having to step over some passed out lameo's. Nobody, realizes that he is the Dad or owner of the house. The tramps with the Tats are astounding, drunk and flirtatious, as the one on the couch is now winking at my Dad with suggestive movements along with flicks of her tongue and flashes of bold tattoo proclaiming her to be the “Queen of Pain.” I am sure she will be to some idiot who dates her or marries her.

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Pop's is screaming at the top of his lungs: “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

“I AM CALLING THE COPS!”

I watch to see Dad surveying the basement and shaking his head. He sees that his prized salt water fish tanks have been destroyed with beer cans floating amidst the dead one hundred dollar fish. “Look, poor Dad is going to have a nervous breakdown!”

Bob said this and then remotes into our basement computer. “Look at the pictures and fakebook entries.”

“I am going to save these pictures to my hard drive, so Dad can keep track of who was here.”

Bob, snaps a photo shot of her for his portfolio and does a quick sketch for his art class. Bob is an art major and into design.

 

Bob switches to the basement cam and sees Dad almost get run over. Some of Laurel's friends, most likely line backers the size of refrigerators are running up the basement stairs They are now dropping their cans of beer down stairs and jogging in a drunken zig-zag pattern to try and flee this den of depravity that used to be our basement. Vinny zooms the camera to capture the couch in the basement and sees the pot heads still sitting stoned on the couch. They are so vached out. None of them notice Pop's staring at them. Some are still doing bong hits.

“HEY, YOU IDIOTS DO YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU SOME CHEETO'S!”

“NOW GET OUT OF HERE, I OWN THIS HOUSE AND I AM CALLING THE COPS!

“Hey, look Dad, found Laurel, in the corner hiding.”

 

Terry is smiling seeing that her nemesis got busted. “DAD'S GOING TO EXPLODE!”

“Watch he is grabbing Laurel.”

“YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR LIFE!” “I AM NOT GOING TO PAY FOR YOUR

COLLEGE.”

“I AM GOING TO SEND YOU TO NUNNERY OR THE MARINE CORP SO YOU

BETTER SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT.”

“NOW, GET YOUR FRIENDS OUT OF HERE AND START CLEANING THIS

PLACE UP!”

 

“Wow, Dad is going back upstairs.” “Check the cam to see who is still upstairs in the living room.”

 

I am looking over Bob's shoulder as we see that there is still crowd of facelickers going at

it big time. “Looks, like Laurel invited some biker types.”

“Those girls are really going wild, look at all the Tats.”

Dad stumbled back into the living room and stared at the teenagers locked in lip suction embraces.

“WELL, EXCUSE ME!” Dad shouts like Steve Martin.

Now the Teen Queen girls look up with a look of pure contempt;

“YOW, Dad has never seen so many girls with Tats before?”

“Oh no, Dads is starting to lecture them.”

The webcam picks up Dad, pointing to the Vamp/Tramps and goes into Judge Judy mode.

 

“Girls listen up! Please! Babies having babies is a nightmare of diapers and depression."

The girls with tramp stamps and body art are laughing, while Dad goes on with his Judge Judy speech. Now the camera picks up Pop's pointing to one of the linebackers and throwing out more insults.

“ Look at that guy, he can barely tie his own shoes.”

“If he knocks you up, you will never see the rat bastard ever again.”

“Now get out of my house.” Pops is struggling to find his cell-phone and the party is over while Dad collapses into his recliner.

Laurel's party guest finally started all streaming out of the house. They head directly to Emerson Park. Pop's finds his cell-phone. He is dialing and we hear he narced on the best and brightest of suburbia.

“Pop's is having his nineteenth nervous breakdown.” This was not Pop's last nervous breakdown. His biggest breakdown came when Mom left with a lot of Dad's cash, along with her cleaning out his checking account, 401K,

etc....

Mom had a secret boyfriend and helped her favorite child Laurel got a loan for college by forging Pop's signature on Loan papers. I have lost track of how many breakdowns he had since. Laurel did flunk out of College her first semester. Now Dad,has a loan of thirty-thousands dollars on top of his balding head.

 

 

 


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