Breaking NAR

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Science Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
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Submitted: July 25, 2012

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Submitted: July 25, 2012

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Congratulations you have found my body...Nymbudiumis is a syndrome characterized by the hardening of one's lower abdominal tissue into a solid rock like structure. This hardening is followed by what can be described as an intense pain, roughly equivalent to birthing a mid sized hippopotamus. Fortunately for anyone experiencing the despair of a Nymbudiumis attack, the initial symptoms quickly expand into a much less horrific death. A “fortunate death” cannot be very properly grasped until one has experienced the magnitude of discomfort that can result from said syndrome. I know this all too well, for I am about to die from Nymbudiumis.

The syndrome itself was a medical mystery for nearly a decade, plaguing individuals at seemingly random times in their life without explanation or treatment of any sort.  It was initially believed to be a nutritional disorder due to its lack of both viral or bacterial instigation as well as its origins in the small intestines of those affected. From time to time the average person would hear of, or even witness, a Nymbudiumis death and quiver in fear of the unknown. Less scientific sources such as numerous religious sects believed it to be the beginning of the end, while others saw it as the coming of a second black plague. Despite these predictions of mass casualties Nymbudiumis remained fairly subtle, claiming only a few thousands lives a year

The United States along with the United Kingdom, France, and Morocco, the main sights of Nymbudiumis outbreak during this time, quickly proposed a large sum of money to be granted to any individual or organization capable of isolating the cause of Nymbudiumis as well as developing a solution to the discovered problem. This contest of sorts came to be known more formally as the Race Against Nymbudiumis or NAR. Within a month of this transnation proposal to stop the syndrome in its tracks the well established Fingerling Marshall Incorporated, a “mega-franchise” responsible for the production of lawn furnishings and household appliances, decided to dabble in the multibillion dollar pool that is big pharmaceutical. Seeing NAR as a chance to exemplify its newfound entry into pharmaceuticals as well as give it an edge over its well established competition, Fingerling Marshall quickly recruited a seemingly proficient and well organized research team to defeat the Nymbudiumis condition.

I was a member of that team. Myself along with Jesus Fernandez, Mikhail Belliep, Susan Yugoment, and our senior advisor Vincent Flemings, were plucked from our low budget laboratories and told to work together in order to solve such a daunting problem. Fingerling Marshall transported us, one by one, to its international headquarters located in the balkanized provinces that had been formerly unified under the banner of Australia.

The People’s Province of the East, Australia’s largest nation, accounted for nearly three fourths of continents land mass. It was headed by the iron fist of Jerroid Martinez, a very brutish and incommunicable man. Martinez was neither intelligent nor cunning, however due to the magnitude of illegal funding he received from none other than Fingerling Marshall Incorporated, The People’s Province of the East had remained Australia’s dominant power for over two decades.

The first month of research was very much a disaster. In order to encourage camaraderie and inspire cooperative experimentation, Fingerling Marshall had placed the lot of us in a single underground base equipped with shared living quarters, pasty grey jumpsuits, and a single food store to be distributed at our discretion. This oubliette of scientific knowledge quickly deteriorated into a prison like setting, with only the promise of escape being some progress towards identifying and curing Nymbudiumis.

We were never much of a team to begin with, continually breaking down into bickering and wildly unorthodox arguments. Such an event as Fernandez using Mikhail’s toothbrush or Susan interrupting Vincent’s meditation exercises would resulted in a magnitude of shouting that was literally capable of shaking the walls of our small compound. To even further expand upon this problem of incoordination, I was fully convinced that our “senior advisor,” Dr. Flemings, was entirely insane. Vincent Flemings spent a majority of his time during our pursuit to conquer NAR in what he simply called “transcendental meditation.” In this state of meditation his eyes would roll backward in their sockets and he would proceed to bark a variety of harsh, violent animal noises at the top of his lungs. At one point he attempted to invite me into one of these extremely bizarre sessions of farmhouse seizure, I politely declined.

Luckily for the sake of research, a sense of normality is quickly developed in the human mind despite even the strangest circumstances. It was only after this transition towards accustomization to our new and odd surroundings that the first bits of solid information about Nymbudiumis were finally able to be uncovered. Mikhail noticed it while shuffling through a compilation of data records that he had amassed on previous cases of Nymbudiumis throughout the United States. He was able to depict a very odd trend, a large portion of the affected individuals could be identified as male homosexuals. Susan and Fernandez instantly jumped to the conclusion that the syndrome was directly related to the physical aspect of the male homosexual relationship. I on the other hand remained sceptical. Despite having a wide data set to back their conclusion, this hypothesis did not even attempting at explaining the still very large percentage of affected persons who were neither male nor homosexual.

Jesus and Susan initiated an intense string of experimentations to rule out different causes of Nymbudiumis, all relating directly to what they referred to as “hypothesis number one.” This continued for nearly a week, meanwhile Belliep continued his intensive overanalyzation of the abundant Nymbudiumis related data, Vincent religiously foamed at the mouth while making cow noises, and I twiddled my thumbs in the corner.

Then one night as I was pacing back and forth amidst the elongated, tiled corridors that connected the living quarters of our complex with the massive research chambers we had only just begun to utilize, I heard a loud, intolerable screaming from the kitchen area. I immediately rushed to the epicenter of the blood curdling whale, joining Susan, Fernandez, and Flemings in an exasperated trot towards the source. What we found there was Mikhail Belliep, curled over backwards in agonizing pain. We were all able to instantly identify the telltale signs of a Nymbudiumis attack, the solidifying of the lower abdomen, the magnitude of unbearable pain. Despite Vincent’s obvious insanity we looked to him for guidance in this time of terrible uncertainty. Flemings knew this, I could sense that he was plummeting through the deep caverns of his psychotic mind for a reasonable response to Mikhail’s desperate situation. Flemings opened his mouth as if to give an order of direction, or simply speak Mikhail back to health with some supernatural voodoo he had been manifesting over the course of his meditation, but it was too late. Mikhail Belliep had died of Nymbudiumis.

After that we were a team. In the name of research Dr. Belliep’s body was thoroughly analyzed and biopsied, however as expected after the study of numerous other Nymbudiumis corpses, this yielded little knowledge about the condition. We began to look at the events in Mikhail’s life leading up to the Nymbudiumis attack, unfortunately he had maintained the same almost identical nutritional and behavioral aspects as us over the last few months of his life. Then Vincent, in his mysterious wisdom, found the key.

Vincent, after watching numerous tapings of Mikhail’s living quarters, witnessed an odd trend in Belliep’s pre-sleep rituals. He would exit his room far after lights out every night, sneak into Susan's personal dormitory which was separate from ours to protect her privacy, and steal a pair of her nylon stockings. We later learned, from reading his personal log book, that Mikhail was unable to sleep properly without the snug embrace of nylon stockings on both his arms and legs. Upon testing these nylon stockings and all nylon stockings manufactured by Fingerling Marshall Incorporated we discovered their chemical makeup to be very, very significant.

Thanks to Fingerling Marshall’s unlimited access to, and exploitation of The Great Barrier Reef via the permission granted by Jerroid Martinez, they were capable of developing a variety of synthetic materials that would normally be unachievable without the unique aquatic life only found at this location. One such animal is the “Erothipios malantogus,” a very large pale yellow starfish, roughly the size of a small child, and extremely fast moving capable of reaching up to forty-five knots per hour. The saliva glands of the Erothipios malantogus are able to secrete a very unique compound which can be used as an effective buffer for synthetic nylon material.  The Erothipios malantogus uses this saliva to immobolize and kill its prey, the “Gullugana feromopo” or “Hairy Sea Urchin,” by secreting upon it and allowing the unique chemical property of the saliva to jump start a chain reaction of constricting in the creatures enlarged hair follicles. This constricting reaction quickly reaches the urchin’s gut region and causes intense pain followed by death.

Fortunately for the majority of women in possession of these synthetic nylon stockings distributed by Fingerling Marshall Incorporated, their legs were shaved. The hair follicles of an average human being are not nearly developed enough to allow extensive damage from the constricting compound of the Erothipios malantogus saliva, this forces the compound to slowly attack the hair strands themselves. Therefore Nymbudiumis required two separate conditions to be met in order for it to strike, a sufficient amount of leg hair and the repeated use of nylon stockings manufactured by Fingerling Marshall Incorporated.

This explanation goes so far as even explaining the superior number of homosexual males to develop the condition. The answer is that of crossdressers, a crossdresser with unshaven legs who flaunts nylon stockings is susceptible to Nymbudiumis depending solely on the brand of said stockings. Women with unshaven legs would also be affected, as well as poor Dr. Mikhail Belleip.

Susan and Fernandez made us all agree to keep this a secret, we all knew how Fingerling Marshall would deal with anyone who shed light on such a scandal. Vincent didn't have much care in the matter, he broke down into a nonsensical babbling about his favorite types of mountain tops when I attempted to call him to my side of the argument. I could never accept the silence that we took towards our discovery. It may have saved our lives but it condemned more and more to suffer at the hands of Nymbudiumis. I prayed for years that another research team would finally crack the secrets of NAR, but my hopes were never realized. So I am the proof, I beat Fingerling Marshall to the punchline.

 

I have written this closing statement while drifting in and out of consciousness due to a very large amount of morphine and other pain medications. I am currently dying from Nymbudiumis and there is not much else I can do to subdue the immense physical torment. I have been wearing these damn nylon stockings for over two days now and am fully aware of my decision, this statement along with my body and the research I have compiled in a flash drive in my breast pocket should be more than enough to finish the job. Take down Fingerling Marshall Incorporated, free the people of Australia, and save the crossdressers... It’s up to you..

 


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