The Last Time

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is not completely finished or edited but it's a sufficient amount of content to tell my story. Never EVER feel ashamed to share your story. Although I have been affected by my molestation, I
am taking it one day at a time. You are not Alone- 1-800-273-8255

Submitted: June 28, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: June 28, 2018



I have held these emotions in for years. I have pretended to smile in the face of those that possessed the knowledge of what happened to me. My childhood was not a normal childhood. There were some events that shaped and molded me into this defensive, sexually conservative individual. I suppose you would like to know why.

I was molested as a child. I was taken advantage of by someone who was supposed to be my sibling- a friend. He was my stepbrother. I do not feel comfortable saying he currently is my step-brother because a step-brother would not do that. A step-brother would not take advantage of you sexually. A step-brother would not express his sexual feelings toward his step-sister or brother.

It is not a day that I do not think about what happened to me. In fact, this event has impacted me so much that I have been damaged psychologically and socially. I have trust issues. I often find it hard being around males in secluded areas. What people fail to understand is that being molested changes you. It changes the way you dress and talk. It changes the way you look at someone and how you address them, in an act to protect yourself from making accidental sexual remarks. Your skirts get longer. Your tops become lengthy. This may be different for someone else. But this is nothing new to me.

This event is what kept my childhood from being one of those “cookie-cutter,” perfect childhoods. I was exposed to certain sexual behaviors that deprived me from enjoying the weekends at my dad. I did not know what this individual was going to do next. Was he going to manipulate me into doing something I did not feel comfortable with? Or was he going to leave me alone this time? It really just all depended on how he felt. Now that I look back on this event, I have now realized that it was not I who needed the help and attention. It was him. It was him who needed that maternal love and father-figure in his life. It was him that needed some form of guidance that established right from wrong.

Even after years of this abuse happening, I have managed to forgive him. But I can never forget. When you have God playing a major role in your life, you realize that you cannot hold grudges against an individual just because they committed an offensive act towards you.

My life will never be the same. I was abused by someone I trusted. He was in my household and I considered him a brother. However, I am stronger.

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