Deep Emasculating Eyes

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is a narrative poem based on a true incident that happened sometime around 2 in the morning as do most of the incidents which inspire my poetry. I wanted to capture the feeling, the near humiliation of the protagonist. It's about one of those moments that leave you wanting to scream to a woman who rejects you, "WHAT's WRONG WITH ME??" but you never do that because it would be inappropriate.

The night she walked herself home
after you offered her a ride, your car parked just up the street,
you didn’t even feel buzzed because you’d started drinking Coke
over an hour ago, two even, before last call.
But she said, No, to the ride that you offered.
You fell asleep the moment that you got home.
Didn’t even bother to turn on a light, take off your good sneakers,
or set that God-awful ugly red shirt that you knew
you shouldn’t have worn to see her, on fire. You stutter
when you’re nervous. When you offered her a ride home
she said—Just spit it out already—not rudely, but almost.
I know what you’re trying to do—she said—as if she’d caught
you attempting to bounce a check or to commit a rape—you’re trying
to be a gentleman. You feel you have to take me home
because it’s the right thing to do, but you don’t. I don’t want you to.
And you didn’t deny any of that as she stood with you beneath
the streetlamp smoking her cigarette to the fingertips and staring up
at you with beautiful, deep, emasculating eyes. You didn’t deny it.
You said—No, and then you said—Yes, and then you said—
that the truth was you wanted to give her a ride home because you’d
waited for her to come, she looked great in the streetlight and talked
around other people, while you were afraid of everyone and only talked
to anyone when you weren’t entirely sober. You said that you’d feel better
if she’d let you take her home, but still she said—No.
She hugged you and gave you a kiss on the cheek.
She told you to call her, text her, write her book for her one day or whatever.
Then she walked herself home like she had wanted all along.
And you sat alone in your car long after no one else was parked around you.
It started to rain a little. You lit a cigarette and you didn’t really
feel buzzed because you’d stopped drinking hours ago before last call.
Instead, you felt nothing—nothing much at all.

~Mike


Submitted: July 08, 2010

© Copyright 2022 WriterMike730. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Enkidude

This is very beautiful, yet still... Oh, so sad. It made me shed tears. Bravo :)

Thu, July 8th, 2010 9:25am

Author
Reply

Thank You for that reaction. I'm very glad that you found it effective, that was the reaction that I was shooting for, but you know, when you write these personal pieces you can never be certain if the reader is going to respond to them in the way that you intended. Thanks Again!

Thu, July 8th, 2010 2:29am

Capman

Hey i like it. This poem says alot about who you/the main character are. It's always a bit wierd when a moment which seems so large and important to you is just another night to somebody else. Good work.

Thu, July 8th, 2010 9:36am

Author
Reply

Thank you. Yep, that's exactly how it is and thanks for the compliment because sometimes, you know, in narrative poetry it is tough to get any kind of characterization in there. Thanks again!

Thu, July 8th, 2010 3:06am

ScarletRose

This poem is very nicely written. I haven't read many narrative poems on here, I'm glad I got to read yours. =) I like how the poem shows the miserable experience on how someone would just lead you on and forget about you. The pain you feel, when you thought you had a chance. Nicely done. =D

Thu, July 8th, 2010 11:27am

Author
Reply

Thanky you! This is one of those rare poems I wrote that I actually was good while I was writing it, usually it works the other way around LOL Thank You again!

Thu, July 8th, 2010 4:46am

Azaleas secrets

I guess her loss is bigger than yours though she may realize it only years after. Good realistic poetry!

Fri, July 9th, 2010 11:51am

Author
Reply

Thank You for those nice comments, but unfortunately, I actually think she never thinks about it at all LOL.

Sat, July 10th, 2010 3:05pm

NazireC

This is very interesting. I love narrative poetry as it includes epics and idylls--my favorites to devour in my own time. I actually began reading Beowulf today.

I like the poem, but I don't see how she quite emasculated the narrator. It's just probably my denseness, however, the poem itself is brilliant and the language used is cohesive and clever.

You kind of have a negative view of women in your poetry...is that half accidental or intentional?

Wed, July 21st, 2010 3:32pm

Author
Reply

I don't know if my view of women in my poetry is entirely negative...I would say any view that comes out in the writing is intentional because it would be dishonest to say that I wasn't trying to present some sort of conscious image, but I hope that it's not THAT negative LOL Thank you for reading, as always!

Thu, July 22nd, 2010 4:09am

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