DHOOM 3: Zandu, Pandu & Section 377

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic
It is the review of Hindi movie DHOOM 3.

Submitted: December 22, 2013

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Submitted: December 22, 2013



DHOOM 3: Zandu, Pandu & Section 377

This year has been full of disappointments barring a few small-budget delightful bundles. All big-budget movies seemed to be competing with each other. Each seemed a newer version of the one gone by. Mindless churning of boring stuff. U saw one, u saw all. But with each new release, I felt this is the one, only to feel disappointment. There is no story, songs r fillers, heroines r semi-nude vamps, heroes r stressed out or on their way out, and face festivity.

The saving grace of these movies to enter 100+ cr club was: they were solo/festive/holiday release, wider release - 4500 screens, nationwide publicity, tv appearances, hiked ticket prices, etc. This was enough to set newer records and mint moolah. But what about the product and viewer satisfaction? That was the CASUALTY this year. None of the top 10 movies boast of a repeat value and that says all. Can u remember anything worthwhile except cacophony? They r far from art. Burning money on these wasteful ventures has devalued the rupee but filled the coffers of insecure actors.

D3 is the usual marketing, media and money enterprise. One can see it once for Aamir Khan and that's it. It's a lift-off from NOW YOU SEE ME (2013) and other English movies. Even Aamir's poster is a copy of DARK KNIGHT (2008). Even bike scenes r inspired by DARK KNIGHT. Songs r passable. Bike chase scenes standout. Katrina has already shown everything on her private holiday with Ranbir and I didn't expect her to act. If she looks good, she is doing her job which is the least she can do. And the two Mumbai Pandu r passe. It's time to change them. Anyways, I guess it is curtains for this doom series. How much can u stretch the stale stuff when the original English movies offer more adrenalin.

This is a heist movie WITHOUT the heist being shown. And there is a surprise/suspense angle! At times, Aamir reminded me of Atal Behari Vajpayee in facial expressions. Since jaadu (magic) was at core, l visualized jaadu of KRRISH! But it was like "what u see is not what u get." I remembered jhaadu of Kejriwal. Also zandu balm for joint-breaking stunts and muscle pain. Also Devyani Cobra-Gate for committing crime in NY. Aamir has intensity of expressions and that made movies like GHAJINI, RDB, TZP a huge success. But D2 is all to do with raw physicality and tall torso. Aamir didn't fit the bill here with his short stature.

Why do u need Chicago when Bangalore would've done? There r many NRIs to decode the Hindi (Bank walon tumhari aisi ki taisi!). And US cops r not Indian panda sorry pandu! WHY was this movie made? (For providing employment to role-less strugglers two Pandu - Yajuj Majuj!). Sahir's clown mask'd've fitted perfectly well these two fright-face pandu. Pity, he leaves the mask behind at bank instead of plastering at their mugs! HOW did Mumbai police employ these two Pandu and to send them abroad? R these two detective/investigators/cops? Did they go sans Indian passports on Indian bikes? HOW did they get American visa? HOW! HOW!! HOW!!! Could a RTI be done on what basis America took this decision? Do Americans need Indian Circus? Who r the patronisers of this laborious exercise of a circus that'll never yield money! Does anyone attend circus in India? These two pandu are so ineffective that since 2004, they could NOT even get married! But then logic has no place amidst magic! Is Section 377 applicable on two Pandu? After mission accomplished, the two Pandu r promoted to Mumbai Police Commissioners! This happens only in India!

For laughter, I recalled the promo quotes of two Pandu:
P1: D3 is my movie. I'm the hero. If it doesn't succeed, who'll offer me roles in future!!!!!!!!
P2: The credit for D3 success is all mine! (ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL...)

Can't say anything except Aamir definitely had his own valid reasons to attempt this trash. And I (like many) had grand expectations. Like it is said: fool and his money r soon parted. Thank God! It is year-end goof. Top 10 movie makers should make a good movie together for viewer satisfaction or YouTube will take over. D3 will definitely make 410+ cr in 14 days and set a new record! WHO CARES?

Better luck next year. JAI HO!

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