An ominous sound

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
An ominous sound. Her screams soften as she lost the power to resist, the penetrating cold eating away at her body. She was no longer human.

Submitted: November 17, 2011

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Submitted: November 17, 2011

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An ominous sound. Her screams soften as she lost the power to resist, the penetrating cold eating away at her body. She was no longer human. All that was left were the bones, protruding from her body like needles from a cactus. Her feelings fluttered like birds trying to break free from inside her. She yearned to be loved. She knew she was different. She learned to love herself, but the lonely hours she spent talking to herself seemed to be consuming her. She used those moments to over power and replace the dark memories stored in the back of her mind.  They were memories which had become perpetually burned into her conscious.

Nothing burnt as bright as Xaela’s broken expectations.  Nothing burned so hot like knowing that her mind was a safer place than reality, knowing that everything her heart desired would never be hers just because she dreamt of it. Her mind knows exactly what makes her tick, her mind going back and forth as a steady metronome. Her mind was the centerfold, knowing what builds her up and what tears her down. It pulls out the sharpest of blades, stuck deep into her heart from years of suffering and misery. Her mind screams in triumph as it fills her heart with false pretenses, and thoughts of the impossible, giving the heart one small piece of hope, so that its dreams are always just barely out of reach. It was a laugh in the sea of sadness. Xaela would cringe in the face of it, sinking herself into a fit of depression, losing herself, in herself.

Her body was a mask, hiding away the pain withheld inside. She had a smile more burnished that the finest gold and eyes that burned brighter than the sun. Falling from her eyes was the rain of her desires, each drop carrying a wish that would splatter to the ground, breaking the silence of her confinement. She would get up and fall down again, each time spiraling deeper and deeper into depression, her thoughts building up like building blocks, creating a city of solitude in which she resided inside herself. And each time she fell, her metronome would tick back and forth, keeping her going in a steady rhythm. And while her mind consumed her, her heart was still filled with song, songs with empty lyrics, rewinding and playing over and over again, becoming the beat to her ticking metronome.

Her body itself was a road, twisted and intertwined, a path connecting the city within her mind to the broken songs within her heart. She walked down these roads each and every day, never coming in contact with another. She was alone within herself. Trees lifted from the ground and reached their hands towards the sky, the sky of dark regret and grief. What would end her misery? To end the dreams burning inside her like a wildfire, her desires growing more and more each day.

Sarah, a girl who possessed a worldly aura, one that could light up even the darkest of rooms. A friend. One whose eyes ascended into the lights of heaven and whose hair was as red as the depths of hell. As a child, Sarah had been abused by her father, the years of hate swelling up inside of her. She absorbed the emotion around her like a sponge, and each drop she got, added to the melting pot of emotion within the city of her mind. She grew stronger, and began to resent those around her. She trusted no one, and like Xaela, she spent her time counting the days down until her time would come, and she could escape this worldly body and become free.

The day they found each other, was the day that both girls began to win the wars that they were fighting, no longer held back by the fear of losing. They grew close, each one a mother for the other, a light in their sea of darkness. As time grew older, and the metronomes began to sing softer and the songs in their hearts had meaning, they became more than friends.

Lovers. That’s what they became and with each day Xaela spent with Sarah, her mind grew weaker and her heart stronger. It was no longer her puppeteer, moving her into fits of depression, but instead, she had learned to love someone besides herself and for the first time, she felt loved. That was the one thing Sarah could give to her that no one could take away, her affection blossoming with every day, their love intertwined. Sarah’s love for her burned in Xaela’s mind, destroying the city of solitude in which she had spent her whole life. And for the first time, Xalea was able to come out into the world, finally shedding her dried out skin, growing a new, stronger layer, finally becoming human.

She became a warrior, fighting the war in her mind. Each day her mind would feel the burn of disappointment, the girl becoming stronger and stronger. She fed it back her broken expectations and finally she was able to see herself for who she really was. She was finally able to break down the walls of solitude within herself and take flight, leaving behind a deserted city, her mind crumpled within itself.
 

 



 

 

 

 



 

 

 


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