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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Two secret lovers have a conversation that's been coming for a long time.
Will they manage to survive it?

[ok.. ^^ that is a majorly suckish summary, but I couldn't think of anything... so, please just read and comment..
thank you!..]


Submitted: May 06, 2009

A A A | A A A

Submitted: May 06, 2009



I lay in the crook of his arm listening to his slow steady heartbeat. I realised moments later, that my breathing was in sync with the rhythmic thumping. I smiled a little at the thought.

I let my lids droop slightly and exhaled a long breath and desperately tried to muster up some inclination to rise from such a natural position. As if sensing my intentions, an arm pulled me closer still to the solid pillow I had made of his torso.

“You have to leave soon... don’t you?”

I sighed in response to the deep velvet voice.
I shivered slightly as fingers began loosely trailing up and down my arm. I felt goose pimples begin to sprout in response to the gentle caress.

“Eventually, one of us is going to have to prod you into getting of this bed... I don’t want to though, I like you in my arms, you fit so perfectly kiddo... guess you were made small for a reason.”

He chuckled softly as I raised my arm in an indignant swat of his head. The vibrations gently rocked my head where it rested.
Inhaling softly till my chest expanded to its limits, I slowly extricated myself from his embrace. Sitting up, I stretched languidly and emitted yawn. Then over my shoulder, I flung a lazy smile into his heavy lidded gaze.

I placed a small kiss on his soft lips; he cradled my face and deepened it.
I smiled into his mouth as I slowly lost the will to pull away.

Somehow, we always ended up right back here.
And when we were, everything made such perfect sense. The usual, un-ending stream of neurotic tirades that wracked my brain was dulled in a hazy fog. And every breath was undiluted bliss. But the feeling would not last. I knew this well. Once I was alone, the thoughts would slam back with a vengeance.

The guilt, the fears, the insecurities, the confusion, and the endless reason why this was a monumentally bad idea!
Yes, the voices would return to harangue me then ... but while I remained in his arms, I’d relish the bliss.

“You thought any about what I said earlier kiddo?”

It took me a few seconds to register the question, I’d seen his lips move, but instead of replying him, had left my eyes to continue their shameless roaming over every contour of hi chiselled, naturally gleaming, bronze face.
I wondered briefly, if ever a day would come when I would cease to be rendered speechless and breathless and probably brainless [if the stupid things I came out with were anything to go by.]...  – by the mere sight of him.

I never stopped questioning why he saw in me what he did.
I never doubted him when he called me beautiful or whatever, however, I never understood it either.

With a tiny shake of my head, I snapped out of my reverie and focused on his earlier question. The pregnant pause swelled as I silently drew back from him and perched on my heels. The smell of tension was potent in the air.

“You know it isn’t possible...”

I began slowly, casting my eyes down, and studying the suddenly fascinating duvet cover patterns.

“I wish it was... but the fact is if I told anyone that I was suddenly considering up-and-moving out of Dublin to come live here, there would be questions. Lots of them!
And understandably so...”

I paused and took a deep breath.

“I mean... I have an amazing apartment with the girls in Sacramento, I’m only in my second year of UC, a college which is based in Sacramento – I might add.
And apart from you, I have zero ties to this place!
Honestly, you’re the only reason I would ever move to Malibu... and you are the one reason I can’t give to anyone!”

I trailed of breathlessly, my chest heaving with the effort of my outburst.
I lifted my eyes to gaze at him through my lashes.
His eyes were narrowed and his handsome face twisted in a slight scowl. He sighed and brought his hands up to his face, and rubbed his eyes wearily.

“I get that... I do.
But, I hate seeing how strained you look. You can’t keep doing this kiddo. Juggling a Pre-Med workload and running home to visit your Mum, then rushing here to spend time with me... not to mention all the running around you do trying to cover your tracks!
I feel like a shit watching you run yourself into the ground for the sake of this relationship. You can’t carry it all on such tiny little shoulders kiddo.”

I smiled softly at his reference to my petite size, made all the more obvious by the sharp contrast to his own large 6’5 muscular frame.
My smile faded a little as I saw the worry and sadness in his deep chocolate eyes.

“Look, it’s only for a little while longer. I’m 18 in a couple of months... and we agreed we’d tell them then because they may be more likely to stomach the whole thing if I were at least a legal adult. And yeah, it’s majorly stressful... but the alternative is a whole lot worse.”

I moved closer to him, fixing him with my most piercing gaze.

“I mean, I can’t really go up to my Mom and say...”

I sighed raggedly...

“Like... there is no ok way to say: ‘mom, you know the way you’re not even fully on board with me dating right now?... well, I’m dating a 26 year old... bye!’
And the folks from church certainly won’t be all that understanding!
And what about Rachael?!
Your baby sister is my best friend!... how do I explain this to her?... to any of them!?
and you know what my mom is like... ever since dad died, she’s trying to be my everything. Super-protective doesn’t even begin to cover what she is!”

By now tears were streaming down my face, and tiny sobs escaped out of my mouth.
The all too familiar fears began to eat at my previously blissful mental state. He pulled me to him, stroking my hair as I clung desperately to him.

“Kiddo... none of this is going to change anytime soon. Whatever way they’d react if you told them tomorrow, is the exact same way they will in a couple month’s time.”

He placed a finger under my chin and slowly tilted my head up so that I looked into his eyes.

“I also know, that part of the reason your waiting is so that the blow I’d receive might be dulled slightly. I know you well enough to know that you’ve reasoned that if you are legal when we announce our relationship, there might be less talk of me taking advantage.
Baby, I don’t need you to protect me... kiddo, I need you to help me protect you.
You’re so damned busy running around trying to keep everyone happy... who is taking care of you?”

“I’m fine... but I couldn’t bear the thought of you getting hurt by ignorant remarks from certain foolish persons!...
and –“

I trailed off shyly... biting my bottom lip in nervousness.
He prompted me with a slight nudge and a lift of a fine eyebrow.

“and what kiddo?”

I sighed

“And... I was afraid, that if all the talk and everything got too much, It would drive you away... I’m still afraid that even now, you’re wondering whether this is all worth it?
I mean there are so many gorgeous grown women I’ve seen practically throwing themselves at you. And I’m just a stupid child by comparison.
I freak out sometimes that you have that in the back of your mind now, I’m scared to think what you’d think when the snide remarks and reproachful comments... and general poke-nosing of idiots reach a barely tolerable level...
I can handle all of this... but if you left me, I think that would destroy me completely.”

The last few words tumbled out unexpectedly, but I was glad they were out in the open now.

There was a brief silence, exaggerated all the more by the tension in the atmosphere.

“I would never leave you”

I inhaled sharply at his words. It wasn’t a big speech... there was no declaration of undying love Shakespeare-style.
It was five simple words... but words said with such intensity that to doubt them was – beyond... unfathomable!

I believed his words, simple as that.
Me, the cynic. The neurotic basket case. The overly-analytical, borderline psychotic, insecure little girl.
Somehow without my knowledge or permission, I’d managed to grow into a halfway mentally balanced young woman.
And I believed him completely when he said that he would be there, always.
I shifted in his hold so that I now faced him and was looking him square in the eye.

“You know what?... whatever is going to happen, will happen.
But tomorrow, you and I will drive down to Rhode Island... and we will announce to everyone that I’m moving in with you.”

He grinned then, a beaming, infectious smile which I returned wholeheartedly.
And then I settled back comfortably into his arms.

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