I've been searching on the internet to try to find an answer to what's wrong with me. I know something is. I know there's a reason why I can never be happy or when i am, it slips away from me. I think i have Borderline Personality Disorder. I really hope i dont, though. I don't want anything to be wrong with me. I want to ignore it.. But i fucking cant anymore. I can't even pretend anymore. I've locked myself in the bathroom a couple times to cry and i think i'm going to go for a walk later because they usually make me feel better. The problem is my neighborhood is creepy so I don't go on walks very often.
god.. You guys. What the hell is wrong with me? Why is it that everyone else i know gets to be happy, and here i am... Like this? What did i fucking do to deserve this?
I honestly don't have any healthy ways of dealing with this. I vent a lot and talk about it to people but sometimes its just not enough. Sometimes i have to inflict physical harm on myself. I've talked to people about that, too. but none of them understand because no one i know does that! I know there are so many people out there who do, though. Maybe someone can help me. What's wrong with me, you guys? Am i sick? is my brain sick? Will it ever get better? I need something.. some sort of answer or something i can strongly depend on. Someone... just tell me that i'm sick or that i'll be like this forever. Or tell me that it'll be okay but you need to tell me why because people who say "its gunna be okay" yeah... I know they're lying.
I'm so sensitive to loneliness, i've discovered. Any hint of it and i cry. It's terrible.
Someone please help me...
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