Waiting for my own story

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
we're all searching for answers. try to read. if you do, say if something defines you. why not try to understand that most of us have the same unanswerable questions ?

Submitted: April 30, 2015

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Submitted: April 30, 2015

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I do wonder sometimes, what does it mean to be happy? is it being able to laugh with no reason, or looking at my phone and smiling without any stopping? or maybe it's motivation to do things and meet others? what if happiness for me is just being alone, in front of my computer writing? so many questions, nobody answers them, nobody will, all I have to look forward to is believing that one day I can finally think to myself "I'm gonna be just fine". but what if I never find it? I always thought that in order to be happy, I had to find someone who MADE me happy, someone who I can't live without. but isn't that just co-dependancy? an act of depending on someone to depend on you and somehow making things work ? isn't that just a lie ? and if it is then what's the point of doing it? to live a lie... isn't that the same as to pretend you're someone that you're not ? to tell yourself that all you want is to be happy... but happiness can't be without sadness or else the term itself happy can't exist, because if you're happy then it means you're not sad and the same goes the opposite way. maybe it has no relation what so ever, but maybe it does. after all, at some point bad things WILL happen, wether we want to or not, bad things will always fall upon us, but making it out of those moments is what someone would call moving on. but isn't moving on simply trying to get away from something that once made you happy? we place it in cute and strong words, but truth be told we all lie our way through the world in order to get ahead or run away. what would we even call a lie? why do we even do it? are we really that scared that if we say the truth we will show weakness? isn't being in love showing our biggest weaknesses? even then we still hide things to keep ourselves strong. to tell the truth, every lie comes from a truth. think about it, when you said you were busy to go out, but the truth is that you were going out with someone else. that lie itself came from an undeniable truth that you couldn't admit to someone else. if so, then how can we ever admit that we are truly happy? we don't know what it can possibly mean and I don't ever think we will, but we still try. why? why even try to do something that is simply impossible? even if we place that fact against the theory of infinite possiblities we would still fail every single time, so I ask again why keep trying if we know we're going to fail every single time? wether it's 10 years from now or 10 minutes, everything will fall apart, that is undeniable and completely true. but see what I did there? nothing is ever true, even the truth itself can come from a lie. so then what CAN we believe? in three little words? in roses and songs? or gifts and smiles? maybe the answer itself comes from sex? but how can we even know that the act itself isn't a sham to hide something else? after all, we somehow make the most impossible choices out of the most logical problems. but what is considered to be right? in another world, killing someone just because they touched you could be considered to be completely right. I don't mean to say that killing is right, just that why is it not? what possible answer could you come up with to say that it's not? we even say that we go somewhere better after we die, so why not kill each other? wouldn't that make each and every one of us happy? but in the end it isn't right. we all know that there's nothing after. no smells. no lights. no sounds. not even the feeling of having someone laying beside you will be there. just a void. no thinking. no talking. no appreciating the beautiful and small things because there is nothing to appreciate. just dark. what if I told you that sometimes the good way isn't even the right way? what if I told you that the bad way isn't necessarily the wrong way? what we call right and wrong is no more than the delusions of a father and a mother that pass on to a child and so on. give it a whirl will you? a child is born without a sense of right or wrong. that means there is neither. a child is also not born happy. how can it possibly be happy when he is shown the wonders, the mysteries, the joys of life just to have it be taken away forever ? yet we still try to believe that it won't end that way. why? why try? is it really that important to believe that things are gonna be okay? if so, then why can't we ever achieve it? why do we keep falling? tumbling down some stairs to simply land on a floor so hard it makes your ribs crack. I can only think of one thing, one simple fact that makes it seem completely possible. the answer is simple: there is no answer. at least not just one. there are so many answer for those questions. the best we CAN do is keep trying, there's no other way around it. if we don't even try then what are we? just lumps of walking meat? no. we have something. something that makes us all special. kinda like magic. something none of us can see or even feel. something that's just there and will always be there no matter what. so I came and left with a bunch of questions, no answers at all, but no matter what, I keep trying to find them because if I don't... I might as well just lie here and die.


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