It's Not My Fault

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Action and Adventure  |  House: Booksie Classic
It's not my fault the stupid building blew up...

Submitted: March 10, 2014

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Submitted: March 10, 2014



I didn’t mean to do it. I really didn’t. It isn’t my fault. I mean, come on, how was I supposed to know the stupid building would blow up? It was supposed to be a joke, that’s it… a joke!

And it’s not like it was even a mean joke. I disable electronics, sneak in, take the boss’ favorite pen, and get out. I meant no harm. I had no idea that the EMP even had a setting for “explode”, so how would I intentionally set it off?

Honestly, some people overreact. You know, this probably could have been avoided if they would have just given me my promotion. I mean, here I am, the most intelligent, most handsome guy at the agency and they give the promotion to that Parker kid…that isn’t my fault either. And yeah I was mad but I wasn’t going to go blow up the entire place. I mean, I kinda work there, so wouldn’t me blowing it up suck for me too? Seriously people, think for a sec.

And now here I am, on the run. Wanted for blowing up my own job by accident. Well I mean yeah I’ve done some other stuff since then, but they were mostly accidents too…

Ok, I will admit, the train was not an accident. I didn’t hurt anybody, I just took some money to feed my poor starving self since my job blew up, and then everybody started accusing me of being some mass murderer. I didn’t kill anyone! I just took money. No one got hurt. Why can’t anybody see that?

Now here I am, curled up in some random cave that nobody cares about, wondering if I’ll ever eat again. These idiots keep tracking me, putting some cash up for my capture (or death but that’s a bit morbid for my tastes) when I didn’t even do anything. If they should be hunting anyone, it should be Parker. That kid really makes me was to punch something. That’s why punching that cop a couple weeks back wasn’t my fault. It was that idiot Parker.

You know how much they are offering for my capture? Twenty thousand dollars. Twenty. Thousand. Dollars. If I turned myself in, I could eat for a year or more! But then they’d lock me up, or worse, and that just wouldn’t be fair since I DID NOTHING!

You know, I sure did have a lot going for me. I was smart, my parents were rich, I was well smart. I was raised in the best academies, the best colleges, the best everything. I was also top in my class. Well, except for that Parker kid. That Parker kid was the one person who ever beat me… and he beat me in everything!

If you look at all my school transcripts from the sixteen or so years I went to various top notch schools, you will see that I am number two while Parker is number one everywhere! Every time I’d leave a school, he’d follow me! He was always there, like a shadow, never leaving my side and always pointing out my failures.

But here is the real kicker. It wasn’t just academics. He didn’t only beat me in math, science and literature. He won in everything. I get a friend? Meet Parker, the super genius with charisma. I start dating someone? Oh hey, another really smart guy who is inherently better. I lost everything to him. And he just went about his day, acting like he was actually doing me a service by pointing out my errors (which were extremely rare and would have been nonexistent if it wasn’t for him…)

But alas, I put it behind me. I decided that I would get past my awful childhood and make the best out of my future. I am a genius after all. So I apply at one of the top agencies in the world, and I get the job. Just to learn that hey look, it’s Parker! We are both at the same agency. I tell myself to be professional, that we are not kids anymore. And it works. We both climb the ranks of society and become quite respectable. The smartest guy in the nation and his number two.

And then, the greatest promotion of all comes along. The real kicker about this one is that I am more qualified than he. It is one of those rare chances I get to shine brighter than my childhood foe. So I start putting in more work, overtime galore, while he sits around doing absolutely nothing. As I count down the days to the promotion, excited for my new career that will be the reward for my lifetime of patience, I do more and more for my boss. And then the day of fate comes.

I figured I’d show them why I was more qualified than that other moron they had picked for the job. EMP their stuff, sneak in, take pen, sneak out, come back next day with pen. It was a genius idea. It would have worked. If only the stupid EMP hadn’t blown up, I might be back where I should be. On the top. But now here I am, in a cave in who knows where, waiting for the posse, and I can’t do a dang thing. Never mind the fact that I robbed a couple things, maybe accidentally hurt a couple people. They were all accident.

Oh, and another bit of irony. The guy they put in charge of catching me? Parker. Yup, that’s right. He is leading the posse hunting me. That’s why I never turned myself in. It has turned into a bit of a game. How long can I elude capture. I will finally show Parker that I am better than he. After all these years of the grades and people going to him over me, its my turn. I’ve shown him that he can’t catch me, now I’ll show him that he can’t beat me.

He didn’t corner me in this cave. No. I got here. I told him. I laid down the rules. I bet him that I could get here before he could catch me. I was right. I won. Now to beat him once and for all. If he can find me. He sure is taking a while.

I hear footsteps. I peek over a rock, and behold, there he is. My greatest enemy, on the horizon. He has men with him, but he leaves them behind. He is coming. He is approaching my cave. He is ready to fight. So am I.

I guess this ends my story. If I lose, which I won’t, I obviously can’t continue. When I win, I will never mention his name again. I will be back on top. All those accidents will be excused and I will resume the life I should have had.

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