deadly kind of love ...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

i wrote this a while back, so please check it out and tell me what you think of it ;)

their is this person who met this other person and they fell in love but eventually they both ended up alone, one in a small box with a cold heart and lifeless body and the other also in a small place that look similar to a box, with a cold heart as well the only defference
between them is one of them still breathing, this heavy shallow kind of breath that he sometimnes forget to take,no in fact he stops taking them not
because he forget but because it remind him that he's still somehow alive, also it remind him of the difference between him and his lover,
sometimes he will hold his breath more than he should, that he starts to feel the tightness in his chest,and the racing of his heart beats, one time he swore that he saw a white light coming his way...but then he will sigh a long sigh at that, and remember why he can't go to that white light, and the promise he once made to that one person, he never broke a promise in his life at least not a promise he made to his lover one day, his other half, the better half...yeah that day, the day he lost everything...sometimes he thinks that it was too good to be true anyway, but then he'll remember every bad thing he had ever done in his life, and in the end he will come to the conclusion that we don't get more than what we deserve or less either...he did a lot of bed things,terrible things even, he stole stuff from different people, he had a lot of fights and won most of them,when he was younger he will pick on other people, but all of those things doesn't compare to leaving his mom and his two younger brothers when they most needed him, maybe that's the main reason for his suffering, he left people who loved him and now the one he loved left him as well, maybe that's some cruel jock destiny playing on him, but it can't be, because he doesn't even believe in destiny, he doesn't believe in god either,he doesn't believe in anything...but that day, when he lost his soul he prayed, i don't know for who or what, he himself didn't know for who, but he still did prayed, for some kind of miracle, for that day to be a nightmare he would wake up from, but nothing, nothing happened,no one showed, and most importantly he didn't wake up
and he will never wake up because it wasn't a, he would sleep and wish to never wake up, because he finds his paradise in his dreams, most of the time he would start wishing for his dreams to be be the reality and vice versa
with reality,but once again nothing happens, his prayer didn't got answered neither did his wishes....
5 years has passed and he still feel the same, but his not the same,no he changed a lot, that he can't even reconize himself anymore,his like a dead man walking,
he rarely goes out, jut to buy groceries,and that happens once a month,because now he rarely eat too...he the one that never stayed in,he used to be the out going lad, that when he stays at home for 2 days straight will feel sick,
now he feel sick by going out,when he sees people he feel discusted,like his not one of them, like their some hidious see how tragics changes people,it changes them a lot, more than anybody will ever know...
the only thing that matters to him this days or for the last 5 years let's say, is [painting] and sometimes he writts too, those like his old friends he lost in the insenity of life,and found them recently,their like the thin line
between sanity and insanity,their the kind of friends he needs,speaking of friends, he remember when he once had a lot of them, friends for partys,friends with benefits,friends and friends and more of first they visited him to see how
his holding up, some of them kept in touch with him for even 3 months after the tragidy but then they all desepeard like he never was or like they never been, but he doesn't really care if they visited and kept in touch or not,
he didn't really liked them that much either, and in his state he prefers loneliness, just him and a silent room that soon to be a dark cold one,the same room....
someone asked him once why didn't he move out of the shitty apartement !! so he could move on and starts a new life ... that night he lighted a sigaret and sat on the old sofa and thought about that question, why don't he just move out maybe that will help him
move on,but he doesn't want to move on probably because he can't, how can you get over something that you feel like it's part of you,like you can't live without it,
even when you know it's dead and it will never come back but you still hold on to it you still wish and pray for it even if you're an athiest you pray, you'll do anything for it,and sometimes you feel like it's holding on to you as well, beging for you not to let go,
maybe that's insanity talking but he knows deep inside that's what he really want to think,that's why he can't move on neither move out,this apartement with a room,kitchen and a batheroom,would look so crappy to anyone and they won't accept staying there for a week, but he's not
like anyone else (actually he has never been like anyone else but what happened made him worst) that's why he sees that appartement in a special way,maybe because that's where he lived he's best and worst days, he feels like this place it self understand him really well more than any human can;
that doesn't make sense but it makes a lot of sense to him and that's what matters...besides,Pierre Reverdy once said "la vie:une prison, Ici ou la,tout est pareil,ou qu'on aille,on ne sort pas de sa condition de prisonniers;tout ce qu'on peut faire ce ne sont que de <vagues deplacements>" that means, where ever he goes he'll always feel like a prisinor,prisinor to his own mind,and own nightmares...
we don't know anuthing about that guy,just he lives in a shitty apartment he paints and writts sometimes and 5 years ago he losts someone he dearlly loves,but isn't that enough,it's more than enough, because he's not much of a talker and what we knew about him so far it's enough for now...
because what's the difference would it make if we knew the gender of his lover, or his or her name, or age, that doesn't matter,their already know people are so stupid sometimes,like when someone finds out that his friend's cousin died the first question they'll ask how old were they!!
but what difference that will make,if you knew it won't bring them back nothing will so what's the point of the question !!
someone said that (happy endings depends on where we want to stop the story) than that means he really missed his happy ending because he never wanted their story to end,but thinking back he never believed in happy endings,he never believed in true love either,that lead us to the meantime
where everything changed like his living in an alternative world,much cruel world,where everything is so ironic,he said once that true love exists only in the mind of writters or idiots and that both of them use it for a pathetic reason,writters for the money and fame with the name of litterature, and idiots in the other
hand to create a better life than the miserable one there living like they need that someone to save them !! nonetheless, he's neither of them,but still he fell in love,it's a romeo and juliet kind of love,
as cliche as that,he never thought not in a million years,he'll say that he was in love no he still in love and always will be in love,that someone pulled him out of his misery and put him in another kind of misery in a heartbeat but he's not a shamed of that,no of course he's not
the truth is he feel proud,proud to say that he proved every one is wrong,they said his a heartbreaker heartless even,but his not, what he been through and what he's going through right now proving it,that his a human at least he was one before he lost bis soul,but that proves a lot and that's enough for him,
even thought his heart been baried away 5 years ago, he's proud to say that his heart belogned to someone before and will always belong to that same someone,that same unexpected person that he thought will never fall for but nothing is impossible in this world,"they say it's impossible to claim a mountain untill someone claim it" anyhow,they were really different,the opposite of each other but then again opposite attract right ?! he was a bad boy kind of person the other was the innocent and lovable kind,"on aime les qualites qui nous manquent" a frensh writter once said,so that's why he fell for that person ? because of he's lack of innocence ? or because of his selfish reasons,he want to prove their isn't such a thing as pure people? maybe it was love from the first sight ? before he knew that person's qualities ? i don't really know what it was,he doesn't know either,all he knows is that he was dead before,then an angel come out of no where in a cold rainy winter night and knocke on his door,that's when everything changed,that's when he felt trully alive he didn't want to admitted at first and stayed in denial for weeks but not once that angel left his side not even after everyone left he stayed always...but now it's over,it's all gone,but nothing went back to normal...he had witnessed he's friend's death,he was their and watched when his friend got murdered in the middle of the street and he had pretty rough time after that but in the end everything went back to normal, but not this time,because this time is different,so different...
laying in his bed in a summer day,a question crossed his mind, how his end will be ? at some point in life every person will ask them selves the very same question how there end is going to be ? they can die in a warm bed surounded by there loved once or they could get stabbed or shot in a dark alley by some crazy maniac
but to him is a whole differetn thing, he could die in a bed but it won't be warm and he won't be surrounded by he's loved once because either there dead or they disowned him long time ago,but about the stabbing part it won't be a really bad idea for him because first of all he won't have to deal with the pain and the suffering anymore
ant the most important part he won't break he's promise...
6 years had passed,1 and a half he hadn't goten out of the appartement of course no one had noticed nor cared,but eventually someone had to go and see him, and that person had to be the owner of the appartement complex,right he had to get the rent,he thought half a month delay is enough...he went to the door and rang the bell once twice but no one answer it,the owner being sure that hes inside since he rarely leaves, so he pull he's own keys out and opened the door,it's all dark even the curtens are closed, he got a mixed feelings discusted for the way his appartement and the way it becamed and sorry for the person he know that he's somewhere inside the house...he got to the master bedroom and knocked but the same thing happened no one oppened it so he guessed that he's a sleep but it's hard to believe when it's only 4,he hesitantly oppened the door no sighn of life here,but there is something strange the owner thought there is that weird smell,like a dead 
 or something,but he doesn't have a cat so what is it ? he got to the window and oppened it,and that's when everything got clear to the owner,that weird smell wasn't a dead cat smell it's far away from that in fact it's a human's lifeless body smell...there he was laying beside his bed, dead, with a black gun in a hand, mouth slightly oppen with the words he wishpered before he shot himself that 3 words "i love you",there was dried blood on his clothes and on the wall,terrible scene,the owner was speechless and didn't know what to do,feel sorry for his money ? his appartement ? or the guy laying in front of him ?....
so he killed himself anyone he ever knew him said the same thing, some said it was matter of time,others said that they saw it coming and there is those numberous people who felt sorry about him,but in the end his gone...
the night he decided to do it,he stayed in his bed the whole time,he didn't eat,drink,paint or writt,he basically just sit there thinking,thinking about his life,how far his gotten,but he thought that just his age changed in him,his feelings remained the same,the same pain and the same love he felt for his dead partner,he also thought about the promise he made,but then again how could you keep a promise that's ruining your life and most of all the one you made that promise for is long gone so what's the point !!
that's how he made up his mind about it,that's how he thought about ending it all and he did end it, maybe now somewhere in the world his truly happy reunited with his lover and having his happy ever after even if his dead...
when his mom and his two brothers learned about what happened they just shared a look,one that no one could know what does it means just the three of them,it could be relieve for finally knowing where he is ,it could be pain,it could be anything but as i said no one could replace that look but them.

Submitted: April 29, 2015

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