Miss My Sister

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

I miss my sister

I miss her

I miss my sister

We grew up together in a hard emotionally damaging home

I protected her as best I could while I could

We had each other's companionship

With a look we knew the burden, pain, anguish and desparation we felt

Didn't need to say anything

We just knew

I regret not staying in contact with her after I left the house

My first regret in life

She carried a cracked chain link in her psyche

She didn't realize how bad that crack was

She didn't realize how deep that crack was

She didn't realize how deadly that crack was

She was kind to everyone

Made everyone feel happy

Wanted everyone to be at peace with each other

She listened

She laughed

She cried

She smiled

Then I moved away to continue school

She stayed trapped within the family still

Years went by between holiday phone calls and random post cards

I didn't see her again until my wedding day

By then, it was too late

There was a new source of pain drilling into her already cracked psyche

The unrecognized pain already permiated her tender soul

With my wedding songs, good wishes, wine, laughter and noise, there was no way to reconnect

The following Spring season brought death

My sister could not bear living an unworthy life

She could not bear living

She could not bear feeling responsible for someone's pain and suicide

She breathed as long as she could

She ate what she could

She keep studying

She played along

She smiled

She agonized

She was destroyed

She felt like a damned soul on earth

She cried every night alone with her thoughts and emotions

She anguished over the right and wrong

She debated what if

She researched life or death

She researched the truth of consequences

She sought the council of a holy man

But in the end, she was alone with her burden

I wasn't there for her, like in decades past

I wasn't there to protect her

I wasn't there to consol her, to give words of encouragement

I wasn't there explain the truth of life, death and desperation

I wasn't there to listen through her tears

I wasn't there to soak up her pain

I wasn't there for her to lean on

Instead, she was alone

That last night, she was the most alone a person feels before giving into the pain

She was alone

She didn't know I was still there for her

But how could she if I didn't keep close ties with her

Going on only one phrase, "God is all forgiving, especially those in dispair."

With those lingering words, she gave in to the torment

The psychological and emotional pain, the guilt

She leaned on a handful of words instead of my shoulder

She tucked herself under the arms of a small phrase

Her eyes blurry from countless hours of private agony

She fed herself death

She swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills

To end her life she felt unworthy to live

Possibly to escape the torment or to relinquish a live she felt unworthy to enjoy

Either way, I wasn't there

I think of this every day

Submitted: November 21, 2014

© Copyright 2021 youseethroughme. All rights reserved.

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