24th of August

KodamaKiss

this was interesting and I was happy to read it, however it was a bit too repetitive for me sorry! but it was written very well! could you please check out my story dear lily and tell me what you think? thanks!

H D Cooper

Hi there! Thanks for your request.
It sounds beautiful - I can see it, what you are describing. I agree with Kodama though, it is a bit repetitive. I am guessing that English is your second language - having said that it is very well written. Thanks for sharing. :-)

veiled

Another great piece of work! At times, I do agree it was a it repetitive, but I think that's the reason why I think it would be good as a song.

Lady Cataluna

I'm grateful you told me about this. It's fantastic. I really enjoyed this. I wish I could have a birthday like that.

Areen Abukishek

i love it dear...keep up the good work..you are so talented and the most inspirational and sentimental person i have ever seen :)

SuzanneE

I really like this. Might be because I'll officially be done high school on Wednesday and I'm leaving to be on my own on the 25th of August haha! Very relatable, we all want to be free like a bird and just go. Lovely poem sweetie! -Suz

Aparna Gopan

YAY!!Yulia is baack all powerful...with her
master piece poem..!!Loved it dear....wanted to hear from you but saw your profile and guessed that you were busy...anyway this work was..ummm....MARVELLOUS..what an awesome birthday!!Do write more poems..and sure keep me updated.Like:)

artie1947

it is a very nice piece of work, would be even better if you added where you wanted to go, instead of harping on about going west, but a good piece all the same, well done.

DeDragonRider

This is so amazing! I love it. I do agree with veiled, and I think it would be cool as a song too. But as a poem, I think it's perfect! Keep up the awesome writing!!!

Jay Allan Young

Ok personally I enjoyed the repetition, because the 24th of August is this girl's birthday and she is making a wish. I don't know about everyone else but when I wish for something I wish it over and over again in my head hahaha. This poem brought that realistic feel to it because of the repeating of the wish. By the way "I want to breathe west breeze" was a really cool line, it had a smooth rhythm to it when I was reading it. Awesome job!

Allyson

Yet, another great piece of work! Wow! I really enjoy your work! Great description! :)

drcommonsense

I enjoyed the poem, great work.

Chris Green

Lovely poem. Nice simple style but very effective
Regards
Chris

SuzanneE

Okay, first I want to say that I am returning the favour to all of the people who have read and commented on Beating The Player as a thanks. This includes you (: So, I will be reading at least two of your works for now and will eventually end up reading all of them and giving some long comments and feedback. It's my way of showing how much you all mean to me.
I've already read your poem "Last Saturday" a while back and decided to read another poem of yours (:
Awe, I thought this was so cute! Mainly because I can relate to this girl. In my mind, she's wanting to get away, summer is ending and it's time to let herself experience life. I feel like this would be a great graduation song (: I really really loved this! -Suz

LeParadisNoirPoetique

Personally i use the same words all the time, yet in a different sentence to give them a different meaning, so being repetitive, it has its good points. I like that the 24th is this girls day only, and she doesnt have to reveal what she wants, or where she is going, she just knows.
Nicely done!! Likes!

LeeSchneider

It is so tender and sweet and sounds like old Scottish song (songs that I love most) at the same time. It is possible to write amazing music to it. Wonderful lyrics!

Josephic

This was interesting, I aint a guy who likes repitition but in this case its ok. Repitition is a real important aspect in poetry, it makes da readers/listeners to like-love a poem/song even if at first they really didnt but with time they will learn to love it, coz after listening to it once da most repititive words/sentences replays themselves inda brain of da listener/reader. After a while of this happening da listener/reader did be like lemme go checkout this stuff again, and b00m! Before you know it da listener/reader can recite da lyrics even better than da author, so use your repititions the way you see fit for real. For those who didnt skim or hurry through this, its gon be a while 'fore they forget da line 'Its 24th of August, you know where to go'. Kinda love this a lot though coz I created an account on this site on that same date (24th of August). Thanks for da in-vie... - Josephic ^_^

DLCannon

She sounds like a perfect passenger. I love to speed. The 24th. of August is my best friend's birthday. He is a year and a half younger than me. He moved to Colorado, and left me in California without telling me. Yeah, we had a falling out, I guess, after I hit on his baby mama, and then moved in with her shortly after. Big mistake on my part. She turned me into her, and her husband's slave. I lost my best friend over that bitch! Anyway, I understand if he never wants to be my friend anymore. I have his sister on my Facebook, but she never got him to finally talk to me yet. I don't know how to patch things up with me and him. This is a good piece of work. Could it be a song?

DLCannon

No need to feel sorry. If I didn't go thru this, I wouldn't be who I am.

sneeding

This is my birthday! ????