Wasted Life...

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More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A metaphorical look at drug use and the consequences thereof.

Submitted: September 30, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: September 30, 2012



“I’m home”

A 45 year old woman with hazel eyes and dark, wavy hair falling over her shoulders, exclaimed. A few men, dressed in overalls entered the house, carrying what seemed to be a large, heavy box under a sheet. They sat it down in the living room, then left.

Almost immediately after the men left, a 46 year old man with pale, white skin, dark luscious locks and emerald green eyes came bounding down the stairs. He greeted her with a kiss.

“Hey Alice, what did you get?” He asked curiously.

“Hey Antonio, I bought a cup and saucer at the auction today. They were a bargain!” Alice said with glee.

She looked in her Paul’s Boutique™ handbag, and pulled out a cup with a chip, and a saucer.

“What dae’ you think?” She asked.

Antonio scanned the cup and saucer, with a confused expression. The look he gets when trying to add up his cigarettes and Curly Wurly™ in a shop.

“Why did you buy that trash?”

“Cause I thought you wid’ like them”

“Obviously no’. They’re a waste ae’ money”

Alice looked at Antonio and rolled her eyes. She wasn’t ready for an argument. Antonio then turned to face the back wall in the living room, to see the mysterious large box hidden by a sheet, sat, waiting to be discovered.

“What’s this you’ve bought now? Better no’ be trash like yer’ wee cup and saucer” Antonio said, with a hint of anger in his tone.

“I had quite forgotten...That came with the cup and saucer. I had to take it, it was all one lot” Alice scoffed.

Antonio nodded in defeat, raised the sheet a small fraction and peered at the item lurking beneath the vast sheet at which it wore like a robe. He then turned to Alice, threw her a confused look, then threw off the sheet to reveal an old, dusty chest of drawers.

“Alice, you’ve bought a chest ae’ drawers”

Antonio couldn’t contain a smile, which showed his gaps which were once filled with teeth. He had at the most four teeth on show. Those teeth were his only teeth which had not fallen out yet. Alice smiled a crooked smile back, and then walked over to the wooden chest of drawers. She fingered over the carvings on the only present drawer, perfectly tracing the detailed carvings.

“Open it already, the fitbaw’ is oan’ shortly” Antonio was becoming impatient.

“Aye’, alright” Alice replied, raising her pencilled-on eyebrow whilst doing so.

She grasped the knobs on either side of the drawer and yanked it open. Carefully, she peered inside.

Inside the drawer, she found the rest of the items from Disney’s© ‘Beauty and the Beast™’. She passed one item at a time to Antonio, who sat them in a line on the musty carpet. Once all of the items were on the floor, they then decided what they were taking each. Alice scanned the items and her eyes came across a toy sheep.

“I want that” She said, pointing to the sheep.


“You can have the rest of the stuff”


Alice picked up the sheep and left for the bedroom. Just before she left the living room, Antonio shouted;

“The packet is on the bed in the bedroom. I’ve already used some”

Alice nodded, and then made her way to the bedroom with her toy sheep.

When she entered the bedroom, a packet filled with a white substance was on the bed waiting for her, along with a five-pound note. She quickly poured the white substance out onto a book she found nearby on the bedside table, rolled up the five-pound note and inhaled the substance faster than Usain Bolt running. It was her second intake of the day. A rush of happiness and freedom flowed through her.

Meanwhile, Antonio was wondering what he was going to do with all of his new items. He glanced at the broomstick.

Anty, ma’ boy, ye’ could sell that for money. You could be rich with yer’ brew money PLUS the money you get for that old stick’ He thought.

Antonio loved the brew, but he has always craved more money.

I could sell this to ma’ pal up in Aberdeen. He’s always wanted to be a quiddich player just like that wee Harry Potter guy’.

Just the thought of this made Antonio’s mouth water.  He was as happy as Larry. Could not be happier.

Back in the bedroom, Alice was busy playing with the toy sheep. She was cradling it in her arms. Alice gazed upon this sheep as if it was a new-born baby. However, it wasn’t a baby. It wasn’t even alive. It was a toy sheep.

“I’m going to name you ‘Shaun’ as in ‘Shaun the Sheep™’. Haw, Haw, Haw, Alice yer’ a genius” she said, chuckling.

Whilst chuckling to herself, Shaun blinked.

“Shaun?” Alice whispered, with terror in her voice.

She hadn’t been this scared ever since the Job Centre Plus asked her for her name.

“BAAAAAAH” Shaun exclaimed.

Alice threw Shaun on the bed and turned for the door.

“BAAAAAH” Shaun exclaimed again, only this time he was bearing teeth.

Maybe he is hungry, or constipated?’ Alice thought, reaching for the door handle. Alice knows the feeling. She shuddered at the remembrance of all those hours spent in her bathroom.


With her back turned to face Shaun, he knew what he had to do. He jumped and latched on to her bottom with his teeth, holding on for dear life.

Last time I had an ass in my mouth, it was when i was seeing that donkey’ Shaun thought, with a disgusted look.

Alice started hitting him, so he bit down- hard. He fell, taking part of her bottom and joggies with him. Shaun tasted the flesh, and went into a trance.

FLESH! Nom, Nom, Nom!’ Shaun thought, munching happily.

“MY ASS! HE ATE MY ASS!” Alice screamed.

Due to the rush of blood in her system, she collapsed and suffered a cardiac arrest, causing her death.

Antonio heard Alice’s screams and ran up the stairs. He knew what he was going to use his worn Kappa trainers and matching tracksuit, to become... A SUPERHERO. Not just any superhero.

“NEVER FEAR, SMACKMAN’S HERE”  He shouted, striking a superhero pose as he entered the bedroom.

He has always dreamt  of becoming a superhero, with his name becoming Smackman, as it reminds him of his beloved game ‘Pacman™’ as a child.

Shaun growled at Smackman, and Smackman used his laser beam eyes to defeat the almighty Sheep Shooter Shaun. Smackman then took one look at Alice’s corpse, fainted and whilst doing so, smacked his head off of the bedside table and died of a head injury.


The end.

© Copyright 2020 yves. All rights reserved.

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