How To Control Yourself And Not Eat Brains

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Entry for Muse mag contest this month (a awesome mag you are missing out), thought I'd share it around.

Submitted: October 07, 2012

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Submitted: October 07, 2012



Are you a zombie? Do you eat brains? Do you want to live in peace without us killing you? This is just an article for you. How to live with us, and not eat our brains, this has it all. Read on, and you will have a perfectly peaceful slow life.
1. DON'T EAT HUMANS BRAINS! People would get very upset, you going around and eating peoples brains. Go somewhere less temting.
2. Move to the country. You need something to eat, correct? Deer are getting overpopulated. Where I am, they will get pretty close. Please, if you eat brains, eat deer brain. Slightly dumber, but just as tastey, I can assure.
3. Get a car. You're too slow. Sorry.
4. Duct tape. Duct tape with pictures of brains on it, if you'd like. It's probably out there somewhere. I've even found mustache duct tape before. Every morning, I recommend taping on your limbs, you don't want them to fall off while doing something.
5. Air freshener, breath mints, and perfume. You smell like dead. Try to smell more like flowers. That way you'll make more friends.
6.  Learn English. Or at least cut down on the groaning. People might freak and stick you with a wooden spake. Oh wait. Forget the wooden spake part. I think that's vampires...whoops...
7. Be involved. Help humans. Get a job. Use the brains you've eaten in the past! Become a school lunch lady!

Follow these tips, and who knows? Maybe, we'll stop screaming "ZOMBIE!!!!!!" and basing you on the evil fake ones' in movies, and say, "Hey. Maybe there are nice zombies!"

?'s from the intelligent, halarious author,
Zoe C., New York (NOT THE CITY!!!!) ?

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