Book of Zork

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just a little dab at writing what I thought was a religious book. Now I look at it I don't see any evidence for that. Please read and don't take it seriously.re

Submitted: June 02, 2015

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Submitted: June 02, 2015

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CHAPTER 1: THE ACHIEVEMENT OF HAPPINESS
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THE BOOK OF ZORK
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"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."


For sure, the achievement of happiness should be the pinnacle of life for all people in the world, however it is never easy, you see, Patrick Stewart was but a simple cotton picker in Georgia when the Lord came unto him and spoke thusly: 

"My son, you are wise and just, none equal you in moral stability and above all, none equal you in contentment for you are the happiest of them all. Do this for me my son; go forth and spread said happiness to the men, women and children of Georgia, show even the animals the meaning of happiness and then I shall do naught for you, as there is no heaven nor hell, simply the sweet abyss which is death" 

Patrick thought for 4 and a half days and 4 and a half nights after the intimate encounter he had had with the Lord, finally, his husband, (for he was a homosexual) told him to undertake the Lord's command and spread forth the teachings of happiness. Stewart looked at his lover, Pachman and the answer was clear. Pachman was his sole producer of happiness, and from that point on, Parrick Stewart understood what the Lord wanted him to accomplish. 

Patrick Stewart set out at dawn the very next day to gather the necessary equipment and resources to begin construction of the brothel, it was going to be the greatest structure the world had ever known, harbouring exquisite beauty aesthetically as well as productively ????. Although the construction took 64 days and 2 nights, Patrick knew that it would eventually be completed, it was the Lord's will after all. It was nevertheless an exhausting undertaking, and on the 26th day Stewart threw down his arms and proclaimed towards the heavens (if they existed):

"Oh Lord why hast thou forsaken me?! This brothel is too much of an undertaking" 

To which the Lord benevolently answered:

"My son, you were chosen by me, nothing is beyond me - not even myself, though perhaps some aid is necessary. I have in my possession the buffest of the buffs"

And with a wave of his wand and a flick of his dick teh Lord produced 2 female and 2 male bodybuilders who immediately set to work hoisting planks and other such materials and constructing the Brothel. From that day on Patrick sat back, relaxed and spent his days smoking a foul doobie. After the Brothel was complete, crowds swarmed, and the heat went straight to high as the brothel was in full swing, Patrick stepped out of his new penthouse wearing his new leopard print pants 'n hat and the stank hit him full on, his ears were assaulted with the sound of ZZ Tops "Gimme all your lovin' ". It was at this point that Stewart knew, he had done the Lord's bidding, he scanned the crowd and faces both young and old, male and female were all beaming. He had succeeded in delivering happiness to the masses.

It was at this point that the Lord appeared to Patrick Stewart one final time, he spoke thusly:

"My son, you have delivered happiness to the people of Georgia, for this I am proud, may thou life be full of booty. And as I promised, I shall giveth you nothing as I give not shits" 

With a final smile, the Lord vanished and Patrick went back to his life of vanity and success.


© Copyright 2019 Zachary Bourbon. All rights reserved.

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