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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

A few random sayings to read when you need a good laugh.


Also, this content is not meant to affend:
bald people
north koreans
the little people
sadistic people
bipolar people
deaf people
magic ponies
horse owners
survivors of bombings
stubborn people
guardian angels

the government
or weirdos

All of these sayings are original and a product of me and my friend's twisted humor. `_^

Another day another dollar.
Wow your job must suck.

If you love something, set it free.
If you hate it, cage it and make it your slave.

Two heads are better than one.
Unless they're on the same body.

I know you are but what am I?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
A doctor a day keeps everyone away.'Cause you're a CANABLE!

A little goes a long way.
Especially if it's disease.

What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine.
Luckily, you have better stuff then me.

Friendship is the greatest treasure of all.
Unless you have a magic pony.

Actions speak louder than words.
And that's why nobody reads anymore.

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
If you try it again, I garentee you'll die.

A promise is a promise.
And a lie is a lie.

Who let the cat out of the bag?
Obviously the one who knew it needed air.

Knowledge is power. Ignorance is bliss.
Well, which is it?!

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
Eventually you're going to run out of body parts.

Oh give me a break!
Sure, where?

The pen is mightier than the sword.
This does not apply in mortal combat.

Silence is golden.
And ductape is silver.

Sticks and stones may break my bones...
Well you're pretty much screwed from there.

If life gives you lemons
Make grape juice. Then, sit back and watch as the world tries to figure out how you did it.

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back to you, you have a STALKER!

Don't judge a book by it's cover.
Don't judge a rock by its radiation.

Your eyes are the window to your soul.
Your nose is the window to your brain.

We came, we saw
Now go home.

If the shoe fits, wear it.
If it doesn't, well you're stuck with it now.

Real friends don't stab you in the back.
REAL friends strangle you. (It's much less painful.)

People who live life to the fullest live the longest.
Your results may vary.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
The enemy of my enemy's enemy is my third cousin twice removed on my father's side.

Two wrongs don't make a right.
THREE wrongs make a right.

Some people are destined for greatness.
Others are destined to be the little people that the people destined for greatness step on.

Bald is beautiful.
Just keep telling yourself that...

Beggars can't be choosers.
And japanese rock stars can't be ninja assassins. (inside joke)

Curiosity killed the cat.
It also killed the dog but I've been ordered by the government to keep that information confidential. (oops)

Don't throw rocks in glass houses.
Why do have a glass house in the first place?! Are you stupid?!!

You should do what you love.
Unless it's sadistic and a danger to humanity.

You are what you eat.
Ah! Canables!!!

Tatoos are forever.
Remember, forever is a long long long long long long long long long........time.

If you build it, they will come.
If you destroy it, they will HATE you.

Winners never cheat.
What world do live in?

Savor the moment.
Unless the moment sucks in which case block it out.

I laughed, I cried
It turns out I'm bipolar.

Snakes are more afraid of us then we are of them.
Yeah, I don't see a snake wetting its pants, do you?

Love conquers all.
This does not apply in rock paper scissors.

Words have power.
Unless you're deaf.

Everyone has a guardian angel.
If you are dying in a hospital, don't worry. Your angel is just on break.

It's what's on the inside that counts.
Like your blood and you organs and your bones and...

If you fall off the horse
Fake whiplash and sue the owner for everything he's got.

Mom knows best
Unless she's on crack.

There's no place like home.
And there's no place like jail either.

Free Willy!
Free Jeff too!

There's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow.
And there's a convict at the end of every trailer park.

It's not worth crying over spilled milk.
Unless you paid $500 for it. (Moron.)

You're as stubborn as a mule.
You're as ugly as one too.

Tomorrow is another day.
January 5, 1783 is another day too. So what's your point.

Just keep smiling.
Someone will take the picture eventually...

It's raining cats and dogs!
Look! Now it's raining bombs too!

Listen to your heart.
It will lead you to the happy snacks.

Death is not the end.
It's actually North Korea (inside joke)

Blood is thicker than water.
That may be true but that doesn't help you stranded in the desert 'cause you can't drink blood. Well you can but......Ew.

Hold onto your socks!
Hold onto your shoes too. They'll be the first to go.

Nothing is as bad as it seems.
Yes. It's much much worse.

Technology is our friends
Yes, and that's why we have machine guns

Everyone has a purpose
Except you

Love makes us do crazy things
Stalkers are proof of this

Make love not war
In truth, that's a very inappropriate statement

Nothing in life is free
And that's why we have prostitutes

The best things in life are free
After that revelation, prostitutes became illegal

Cat got your tongue?
That's disgusting! What were you doing?! French kissing it?!! (Sicko)

There's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow
That's also where all the gays are

Have brotherly love towards your fellow man

Gay party! Gay party!

Ya know what you do when you're feelin' down?

Make someone else feel bad and then laugh at their pain

Destruction breeds creation
I'm sure that's EXACTLY what Hitler was thinking too!

If looks could kill

We would have all died by now

Change is good

Ya hear that hippies?! Change your freakin clothes! (Damn hippies.)

Be positive!

Ok. Congratulations sir! You have aids!

Just keep on dancin'!
Cause this thriller, thriller night!

Try not to forget!
Don't worry! (I'll just try not to remember.)

True friends have your back

Seriously?! No freakin' way! For realz?!

This list is updated frequently.

Submitted: November 12, 2008

© Copyright 2023 Zaikyo. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:



AHAHAHAHAHAHA This is freaking hilarious i love it its exactly the kind of humour me and my Best friends have Spectacular!

Thu, November 13th, 2008 6:01am


Thatns! ^^ My friends for in hilarious too.

Thu, November 13th, 2008 4:53am


That was funny good job!!! =D

Sun, September 6th, 2009 3:02pm


Aw!! Thanks! ^^

Fri, June 18th, 2010 9:11am


I love this! XD

Sat, October 31st, 2009 2:59am


Thank youz! :D

Fri, June 18th, 2010 9:11am


love it!

life is like a box of chocolates.....
is it? gimme gimme gimme.

hope i havent killed it.

Tue, July 27th, 2010 12:20pm


XD XD No, no manslaughter. I loved it! ^^

Sat, September 4th, 2010 12:24pm


I liked it...I was crying and then read this...i finally stopped.. Thanks!

Sun, August 15th, 2010 8:59am


Aw! I'm so glad my idiocy could help someone! XD THE POWER OF LAUGHTER!!!! I has it. XD ^^

Sat, September 4th, 2010 12:26pm


i absolutely love this!! it made my day :)

Tue, August 24th, 2010 8:13am


I totally love making peoples days! XD So glad I could be of service! :D

Sat, September 4th, 2010 12:27pm

Midnight Wolf

Two wrongs don't make a right.
THREE wrongs make a right.
Just like three rights make a left.

Life is like a pack of gum...
I'm yet to find out why.

Tue, September 7th, 2010 10:00pm



Thu, September 9th, 2010 11:06am



Sun, September 19th, 2010 7:37am


exercise is like candy
you get too much of it you become a social outcast :P

put that shake in your straw and suck on it :P

Wed, December 22nd, 2010 6:34am


haha some of these actually made me laugh pretty hard..and i was sitting in class xD

Mon, January 31st, 2011 12:43pm


Hahah That was sooo funny!!! It's just like what my friend and I would do together (speaking of which, plese read out story. It's funny. http://www.booksie.com/romance/short_story/laughing_our_heads_off/lucy-on-a-diet-(the-weirdest-romeo-and-juliet-ever)/chapter/1)

Are you sure all of them are original because I've heard the "silence is golden; duct tape is silver" thing and "If life gives you lemons" thing. Only, I heard them make orange juice instead of grape juice.

But they were super funny. I actually thought of the "I know you are but what am I? Stupid." thing as well. Although... I kind of said 'idiot' instead.

Haha just today, I was talking about the "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" thing and then I said "What about broken bones? They weaken you!!!

Mon, February 14th, 2011 3:20am


Haha i think i get the "Beggars can't be choosers.
And japanese rock stars can't be ninja assassins. (inside joke)" one....does it have to do with the movie
Ninja Assassin?? i love that movie!

Sat, February 19th, 2011 1:23pm


Lol, that's great.

Have you heard these:
When life gives you lemons...
Make lemonade and squirt it in people's eyes!

Some say the glass is half empty, others say it's half full.
I say, "I don't care. Just let me drink it already."

Real friends will help you up when you fall.
BEST friends will knock you back down and laugh.

Mon, February 21st, 2011 6:35pm


This is soooooooooooooooooooooooo funny!!!! omg i could not stop laughing!! I LOVED IT! especially the
"Be positive! Ok. Congratulations sir! You have aids!" I was laughing so hard! my sister kept telling me to shut up cuz i kept laughing. this is so funny! loved it!!1

Tue, March 1st, 2011 2:46pm


I'm in the middle of class, right? and i'm bored, so i read this. i lol'd five times. it was amazing. i love it.

Fri, March 11th, 2011 11:33am


xD ahahha made me laugh :')

Wed, July 3rd, 2013 12:21am

Chris Cross

Hilarious! Good read, great fun!

Mon, February 8th, 2016 3:29pm

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