Why are we sad? Is it our imagination?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

I have been thinking about life and its momentum, wondering what makes people go forward and why do some of us get stuck? Forgive me if the whole thing sounds insane. I am not out of my mind, atleast not yet.

What did I do wrong in life? Why am I going through shit? Why are my dreams always being stepped on by something. I do not remember even a single incident where I have recieved something which I have wished for on time or at ease. Everything what I did get took a lot of struggle. I dont understand. Why cant it be without all the struggle? Why cant we just all be happy and live free. Is it my ability to imagine thats stopping me from living a carefree life?

Maybe life is thinking that if things are going the easy way then it gets boring so lets add difficulty to everything. Well good plan but the amount of difficulty which got added was immense. The ability to imagine which we all have, thats whats killing us. I wish to give it up and live a life carefree. But then again. I was given a gift. A gift which is my curse. I was given the ability of extra imagination. It improved my creativity but at the same time it improved my consciousness about things and the awareness about nature. It fuelled my anxiety. The curiosity to seek and find out more and when failures happen the imagination turns to it worst state. It makes me see myself as a failure by looking into the future. It looks so deeply that I get scared to act, to respond or to react. The curse and the blessing which I have. My imagination, it tells me that the world is moving only because people are curious. They are curious to find out new things. The curiousity about knowledge, life and the unknown powers. It tells me that if one day all the answers were found out then the world will stop moving. It will reach a point where it will ask itself. \"Now what\". Thats why we are never given answers. Nor are we given the things we wish for in an instant. But things get serious at times. We are not living for ever. We die. We do not exist to make it to any point. So we all must leave a mark for the next generation to follow. The mark for them to embark on their journey.

Is that what we live for? This endless cycle? My imagination tells me. The root of all evil is inferiority complex. It gets converted to sadism. Because the inferiority creates comparison. Then it develops into jealousy. Followed by anger and hatred. Then they make the fuel, to rid of that hatred, as sadism. The pure enjoyment of seeing others in pain. The world being destroyed because self was treated inferior. They feel powerful by this and it makes them feel alive because they find it a way to be happy being torn in between their complexes.

Like sadists have pleasure from other's pain fueling their satisfaction, sadness fuels my creativity. It makes me feel satisfied. The pure satisfaction you get from taking out a piece of food which got stuck in betwen the gaps of your teeth. While making it remain there will do you no harm but the feeling of something poking will be there for a long time. You will often be reminded of it till it gets out automatically. Unless you choose to take it out and throw it by force.

People indirectly tell me that I will be a nobody. I want to show the world that I can be a somebody too. But I often get this feeling that I maybe wrong. I am doubtful. Eienstein said \"Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value\". Likewise someone here said. \"Do not try to be somebody of worth, rather try to do some things which are of worth.\" I am confused on to which way shall I go. Should I just try to be someone or should I just try to do something. I still do not hear my heart. But I believe it says \"be a writer\". So I am just going on with it. Like an aimless wanderer. That suits me. When I tell that to people, they say, \"just be yourself\". But who am I to be? What am I? I do not have stability. I am like water my friend. My mind is like water. If you pour water into a cup it takes the shape of a cup. Formless. It could be a good thing but a bad thing too. That was a brucelee quote by the way. I am just reminded of all these quotes. Its like how chuck palahniuk says. \"Nothing of me is original. I am a combined effort of everyone I have ever known\". What I write is a combined effort of everything I have ever read. But then again I guess everyone does the same. They just mark their own imagination into the things and mould it into their own pattern so it would be different. Because every one of us is different and hence there are different patterns of expression too.

Expression. The fancy literary way of saying \"the shit I blabber when I feel abnormal\". Thats what makes every single one of us different maybe. The abnormality. Being normal is a common trait to everyone. Maybe normal is a classified self taught activity which we unknowingly do because we have a habit of following what we see. So by being normal we just act as everyone else. Every single one of us act as every other person. By being abnormal the act goes down. We get individuality. Thats what our true colours are. Maybe thats what defines a man. What makes a human so different from other creatures. Which is maybe why each of us have our own sadness in our own way and only we can understand that. Because in our own pattern of world we created by our own imagination, our sadness, its the biggest sadness ever.


Submitted: November 02, 2014

© Copyright 2021 Zak Refis. All rights reserved.

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