My life so far

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

These are just a few pages I have started to write detailing the events that has shaped my life so far. Still a work in progress and lots still to write. Starting from the time of my mothers
passing to present day. It covers a range of thing that has happened, from hookers to selling weed to bailing on my wedding and cheating on my wife. Never said i was perfect.

Submitted: February 14, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: February 14, 2018



Chapter one



Where do I start with my story, I could start with time I lost my virginity to an escort or when I bailed twelve days before my first wedding or even the times I fucked a post op. Now you’re probably thinking Jesus what the fuck Escort! POST OP! Oh I think it gets a lot weirder and a whole lot more fucked up the further down the road. Just wait till I get married. Biggest mistake of my life.

So, lets begin.

I guess the best place to start is where it all began for me, or at least where I believe it did. There have been too many time where I have actually stopped and said to myself, “Zane, what in the actual fuck are you doing”.

Anyway the beginning before I get carried away again, 1992 the year my mother passed away.

It started out as any other day for us got up went to school etc. By the way my mother had been living with cancer on and off over the years and this was one of those time where she was quite ill. We had lived with it for a while and I guess we had gotten used to it. At least I did. It was my normal one could say.

So anyway off we go to school myself and my brother, my sister was home sick I think. I'm the youngest by the way. Somewhere in the second or third period I was called into the office. I remember walking down the corridor thinking to myself shit what have I done now I don’t remember being naughty, I had also been told to take all my things. So I get there and the principle is waiting for me. I’m walking up to him thinking its jacks for sure the way he’s looking at me. He stands up behind his desk and all he says to me is I must hurry home as my mother has taken ill. I'm sitting there thinking is that it, my mom has been sick for a while what makes today any different.

So off I go on my merry way home thinking nothing of it. Still stopped at the shops for a packedt of chips. Just so happen that I caught up with my brother. He comes running up to me with a look on his face and starts going off, “Where the fuck have you been, we need to get home...” blah blah blah this went on till we got to the train station. My brother is highly strung to say the least and a very short temper to go with that. Generally just an angry cunt all round. To give you a general idea years later my sister and I thought it would be funny to hide his cigarettes away once. Jesus I thought the man was going to commit mass murder ripping his room apart running around the house shouting “WHERE DID YOU CUNTS PUT IT” and “I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP”, his room must have been a total wreck by now and he was getting borderline violent. So we casually put it in the open again and he finds it but the anger was there for days. We were just like “Hey man don’t get angry cause you misplaced it.” Good times.

Anyway back to the story at hand the beginning.

We get home and like the entire fucking family is there, all the aunts uncles grand parents etc was a fucking circus. Everyone sitting there with that look of despair on there faces. My brother had fled to his room and proceeded to cry the rest of the day. My sister and myself just sat on the couch, I don’t know what went through her mind at the time as I watched the events unfold around me was surprisingly not much. Don’t get me wrong I was sad I mean my mom was literally on her fucking death bed and yet I didn’t cry or anything. I guess to a point my mom kinda prepared me for what was coming like she knew almost. We had spent a lot of time together as we both didn’t really sleep

so we would sit up watching tv together, surprisingly a lot of horrors. Bearing in mind I was about ten, eleven at the time and we were watching poltergeist, nightmare on elm street and the like. Not exactly kid friendly, but she would always tell me, “Remember none of this is real, its all just made up.” And those movies never bothered me, no mental issues, nightmares, etc.

During those nights we spoke about various thing death being one of those subjects and how it wasn’t an end and just a new beginning amongst other things. So anyway I'm sitting on the couch with my sister and we look at each other me not really grasping what was actually happening. Being so young it was as if the adults don’t discuss these thing with kids like I didn’t need to know that my mother was dying in the other room. So I'm still sitting here on this couch staring at nothing and everything not knowing what it is that one does in theses situations, being my first. When all of a sudden one of the adults, I forget who it was calls me over and tells me to take god knows what into the bedroom for my father. Fuck knows why you would send a ten year old into a room where his mother is literally dying.

And none of this peaceful Hollywood bullshit either. This poor woman was laying there struggling for every breath she took, coughing and hacking blood. I mean this isn’t the type of shit a young child should see, his mother in this condition. And the strangest thing about that moment wasn’t even that, somehow I knew I could deal with and did. The thing that stood out for me in that moment was looking at my father. He was sitting there next to Her on the bed legs crossed, she was coughing and weazing in pain and all he did was smoke a cigarette, just looking forward, somehow I don’t think he even noticed me I don’t think he saw much of anything in that moment but looking at him at the time I saw a broken man, this was no longer the father I had always known he had died to in many ways that day. And I knew then looking at him that everything was going to change.

Oh and change it did in every sense of the fucking word.

First you need to understand how it was before that day, that one moment that would forever change our lives.

Growing up we had an awesome childhood. We lived out in the country on an estate type of place. Massive yard to play in we would climb trees dig big ass holes build forts swim you name it and we could probably do it there. Those days as a child were the best we would wake up on a Saturday morning eat breakfast and go play. We had friends in the neighbourhood and we would go explore the bush build more forts dam up the river, go fishing.

During Christmas time as a family we would put up the tree. My parents would throw these big new years party with the entire family coming around and it was a big family. My brother, Sister and I would run around playing with the cousins trying to steal a sip of booze from our drunk uncles and aunts.

During summer we would grow veggies, we also had a multitude of fruit trees throughout the property. Looking back those were the best days of my life and I often wonder about moving back there. I also think that maybe by moving back there I'd only be looking for something that is no longer there any more. Those days are gone and can never be relived.

Ten minutes later my mother had passed away.

So all of a sudden in a few short hours our lives had changed. After my mother passed away and her body taken away. Everybody seemed to just leave, as if the show was over and it was time to leave

the theatre. We were left sitting there not really knowing what it is we should do. My Aunt and Uncle who lived down the road stayed and sorted us out I guess, those moments after my mom passed away are a little vague.

That day my father had checked out, he was there but we never spoke of my mom passing away. It was a subject that just wasn’t brought up. As if she just stopped existing that day. Nobody seemed to sit with us and get a sense of what we were going through. Like we were kids and things like this wont effect us as much. Boy were they wrong.

Soon after the funeral we were told that we are moving, no discussions no warning just my dad saying we were going to move. So our lives were disrupted yet again when we needed stability. My dad would later tell me that we had to move because of all the debt from my mothers medical expenses and the funeral. I believe it was more to do with the house reminding him of her and it seemed he just wanted to forget.

So off we went to the new house, well not me exactly as I was to live with my aunt and uncle to carry on at my current school. My brother and sister were shipped off to boarding school, and my dad stayed at the house alone. What happened during that time I will never know.

Over the next two years I would be bounced around between two schools basically I would spend one term at De Kuilen Primary and then one term at Milnerton Primary. When I was at De Kuilen I would stay at my aunt and uncle when I went to Milnerton I would be by my father. And every school holiday I would be at my aunt and uncle. So I didn’t really have friends except for those I grew up with in the neighbourhood. I have never been one for a lot of friends or people in my life.

Living with my aunt and uncle at the time I was really good friends with their Simon their son. We had grown up together and only two years apart we would do almost everything together. Being a couple of years older than I was Simon was exposed to things before I was and in turn I would be exposed to them before kids my age were. By grade seven I would live stay at home permanently only going to Simon during school holidays

By the age of twelve or thirteen I had snuck into my first bar. I remember that night like it was yesterday. Simon was going to sneak out the weekend to go out drinking and I was like fuck that I'm going to so off we go with a group of friends and hitch-hike to Somerset west. We had split up to make getting a lift easier, this was my first time hitching for a lift to by the way. So Simon and I are standing on the side of the road thumbs out waiting for someone to stop, Malcolm and Cuan had gone there own way. And all of a sudden this cop van pulls over, we both look at each other like what the fuck now.

This van parked a few meters ahead of us and just sat there waiting, we walk up to it slowly not knowing what to expect. We get to the car and these two coloured cops look at us and the one say, “Wat maak julle hier”, Like seriously you didn’t see the fucking thumbs sticking out, anyway Simon tells him we on our way to Somerset West. Cop looks us up and down says fuck all and climbs out of the van. All of a sudden he says to us get in the back. I remember simon trying to say its fine we will get another lift. This cop was having none of that shit, opened the back of the van and just said, “Get in”.

Fuck! So in we get thinking this is it, they probably going to take us in and phone Simon's parents.

This Cop pulls away like he is a high speed pursuit swerving all over myself and Simon being thrown around the back of the van. We're freaking out because now we are more concerned aboutdying than our parents finding out. And where the fuck are they taking us.

All of a sudden we come to a screeching halt. And nothing we just sit there both of us looking at each other like now what. I felt like an eternity when we start hearing muffled voices and movement outside, I could feel a panic starting when the van door suddenly open and Malcolm and Cuan were there looking at us just as startled. My God I was so happy we weren’t going to be raped or something we jumped out of that van and made a hasty good bye.

So we finally make it to Somerset west, or at least to the train station, which is extremly dodgy to say the least and to got to where we wanted to go you had to walk down stairs into an underground passage 10 o clock at night. Place smelling like a blend of human excrement and piss, lights flickering as out of a cheap horror film. where we decided to all meet up and walk down to Duncan’s' which was the name of the bar. Super safe now that I think back on it. We get there and some of Simon and Cuan’s friends from high school are there waiting outside, everyone looks at me and they’re like how the hell is he getting in. Eventually we decide I must stand in the middle of the group and they will try to hide me. I don’t exactly know how they thought this going to work as although I was only twelve or thirteen I was the tallest fucker there. Surprisingly I actually make it into the bar think it was probably my height that worked in my favour. When I was in grade five a parent at the school thought I was in high school.

So I walk into to this bar in total awe thinking so this is what grown ups do, drinking and dancing, laughing. It all looked wonderful to me at the time. So we are all there having a big party, now I had had a drink before that night but nothing like that. It wasn’t long before I was well on my way to drunk town before I noticed a short flight of stairs leading up to a door, and every now and then someone would go in or come out. So I ask my buddies, “Hey what the fucks in there can we go look”, and someone I cant remember who said it was apparently members only. Which made me want to go in now more than ever, for the simple fact that I thought well if this is so fucking awesome how much better can it get.

So I go over and start hovering in the general are of the door trying to figure out how I'm going to sneak in unnoticed. I made a few half assed attempts but somehow I always got blocked. Then all of a suddenly I saw a gap it all happened very quickly and before I knew it I was inside. As I looked around to see what all the fuss was about being for members only I saw the bar, some tables and chairs around the place, music playing in the background. And I thought well what’s the big deal its the same as the other bar. As I started walking over to the bar to get a beer I notice a smallish stage and still thought oh nice they've live entertainment and stopped dead in my tracks and just stared.

On stage was this woman almost completely naked, now only wearing a white thong sitting on a chair facing the crowed who were by now no doubt cheering and yelling about how they’d like to fuck her right there on stage. Now this was the first time I had ever seen a naked woman in real life.

I mean I had seen porn and already masturbated by that age but this was different. This was real and in my face.

This I thought has got to be the best god damned day of my life.

And then it got much better.

On stage is this beautiful woman, she must’ve been in her twenties I didn’t really care at the time. I was a teenager and here is this girl stripped to her thong on stage rubbing her tits. Is there anything better for teenage boy. So here she is rubbing her tits and body all over long black hair clinging to her glistening body and me gawking in the middle of the floor starting to get a boner. Suddenly I snap back to reality and move to the bar still not taking my eyes of of her when suddenly this guy walks up to her from behind shirtless wearing a pair of jeans he didn’t notice much more about him all I was concerned with was tits.

So he comes up slowly behind her bringing his hands around grasping her breasts the firmest and perkiest I'd ever seen (the only real tits I'd ever seen) and starts to caress them slowly, rubbing and lightly pinching her nipples to which she vocally winced. Much to the joy of the crowed and myself for that matter. Iwas already nursing a raging hard on. He slowly started to kiss her. In the background I could hear some of the guys cheering, “ Yeah grab those tits”, “Fuck her!” and one guy even shouted “Show us how you finger that pussy!” I even caught myself yelling ,“Yeah fuck her”, in all my excitement.

All the while I'm thinking holy shit is this really happening to me. I’m sure Simon and the others were wondering where I disappeared off to. But I was having the time of my life.

So here is this woman in just the tiniest fucking thong getting her tits groped and nipples pinched live on stage. When the guy she is with stands her up twirls her around as if he is marketing his wares. And he shouts out to crowed as he bends her over showing everyone her ass “Isnt this the most perfect ass guys”, To which everyone cheered. “Who wants to see that beautiful pussy”, to which I lost my shit in excitement. This was really happening tits and now pussy as well best day ever. The girl kept bending over leaning over the chair she had been sitting on just moments ago. Looking over her shoulder she yelled “You ready boys”, rubbing her ass with one hand sliding it down over her swollen pussy slowly massaging it. The guy got down on his knees and started to rub her ass and kissing and lightly bighting, all the while she continued to massage her pussy a little harder now. I had by this time repositioned myself for a better view of the action not taking my eyes off of her.

Slowly he started to pull down her thong still kissing and licking her ass her still rubbing away and I'm thinking this is it I'm going to see some pussy. The thong comes off and her fingers slowly slide into that moist and juicy slit fingers coming out wet and sticky. She slowly brought them to her mouth licking one before sucking them both clean. I though I was going to cum right there I was so hard and horny as I'm sure the rest of the patrons were as well. She’s cleaning off her finger when this guy all of a sudden slides two fingers inside of her to which she moaned loudly. And started to lick and suck on her perfect lips and ass sliding his fingers in and out slowly at first but picking up speed to a good rhythm.

By this time she was well on her way to orgasm, moaning loudly she couldn’t stand over the chair any more, my heart was beating so fast my cock throbbing wanting to escape its confines. She started to straddle the chair hugging the backrest ass hanging over the seat all the while he kept fingering her two finger sliding fast yet rhythmically her moaning loudly now very close to orgasm.

He started loosening his belt and undoing his jeans and I knew things were about to get a whole lot better.

When all of a sudden this guy comes up behind me, I didn't even realise he was talking to me until he shook my shoulder. I snapped back to my senses and heard him muttering that my friends were looking for me and that I cant be in here as I wasn’t a member. As he started pulling me to the exit all I could do was stare back at the stage trying to watch as much as I could before being thrown out. The last thing I remember seeing was her standing again him ready to thrust his cock into her and as he move toward her ready to penetrate the door closed, and I left left with the feeling that I had witnessed something truly awesome and it has stayed with me till this day.

On the way home that night I couldn’t stop thinking about what I had seen earlier. And all I could think of was watching it again or even being on that stage but what I wanted the most was sex. The only problems I had was that kids I knew my age weren’t doing that shit yet and secondly I didn’t know the first thing about girls or even how to talk to them in remotely that kind of way, even when I knew that one like me I fucking ran off like an idiot. Kind of ridiculous if you’re trying to have sex.

And when I say ran I'm not even fucking joking man. This one time I must have been in seventh grade 1995, I had been eyeing this one girl in class Candice Ferreira. At the time I though she was quite hot and low and fucking behold I had gotten a hint that she liked me to again back to those problems I'd been having. So one day during recess we were all playing on the field and all the girls are huddled together as they do. Almost like a secretive group plotting conspiracy. When they started to call me over giggling and this girl Candice telling them to stop but not really putting any effort into it either and me the dumb cunt running the widest circle around them as if they had the plague. Could've been a sure thing but I will never know. If I can give you guys one piece of advise today, its don’t be afraid to talk to any girl or woman. They are people just like you and I with the same insecurities as you and I. Later in life I have surprised myself multiple times by just saying hello to a girl I though was out of my league how many times I was able to score. Just a simple greeting and introduction don’t try cheesy pick up lines and all that crap. Be polite.

The worst thing she can do is tell you she is not interested. And boom you move on to the next girl. Remember for every girl out there that you think is way out of your league a lot of other guys think the same thing and then there’s the one prick in the group who goes for it it and score. And there you sit thinking damn how did he get a gorgeous girl like her. And the simple answer is he had the balls to say hello.

Al right enough relationship advice I'm telling you about my life god dammit.

Throughout high school I didn’t really have much luck with girls. I did try once to get this girl called Simone Sherman. Jesus Christ she was gorgeous, and plainly was interested in me I couldn’t believe it I mean this girl was so far out of my league it was just stupid. Like I said above you’ll surprise the shit out of yourself if you just take the first step. But that’s exactly when all the shit started I didn’t know what the fuck to do next.

After school I would go to the library and sit there with some buddies while they waited for there lift. Not that I needed to wait to go home as I walked to and from school, it was just better to be there than at home.

Let me explain.

Once my mother had passed away and we had moved to Milnerton things were okay, I mean it wasn’t a perfect situation we weren’t the close family we once were. My sister and I stayed relatively close through those times. Then the stock markets crashed and the money my dad got every month became extremely minimal and we ended up living on welfare for a time. My dad didn’t work and he got an allowance of sorts from his inheritance from his mother. The capital of which was invested through a trust fund. So we lived on welfare for a while, I remember my siblings and boiling macaroni sharing it out into three small bowls and that was our meal for theday, maybe a little salt to spice things up

Sometimes it was even less than that, or nothing.

So yes growing up we were quite poor, not dirt poor there was just barely money for anything never mind anything extra so I would get hand me downs that weren’t exactly in the best condition to start with. This probably fuelled my insecurities about girls because even if I managed to attract ones attention how the fuck was I going to keep her, I had no money to take her out I couldn’t bring her home seen as I was sleeping on a fucked up mattress, never mind what the rest of the house looked like, and the list goes on. On top of all of that we basically raised ourselves, I ended up doing all the cooking in the house and most of the cleaning. By eighth grade I would do cooking, cleaning wash the clothes. I would go do a lot of the shopping, etc. In many ways I had grown up very quickly. Way faster than others my age and at the same time there was so much I knew fuck all about.

Anyway back to the library.

I’m sitting there in a corner with friends and I remember someone arranging that Simone come to knowing I was there and liked her. So they come up to say hello and instantly I start freaking out cause this is now all to fucking real and what the fuck do I say and do now. I've never had anyone talk to me about any of this shit growing up. So we are sitting in a group and everyone is there knowing this is supposed to be so that the two of us connect or some shit I wouldn’t know because at the time I was paging through some bullshit book or something my mind full of senseless noise trying to think of something to talk about or to even just say something even stupid. So I finally get the balls to open my stupid mouth and all I say is “Just going to the toilet quick be right back.” Off I go to the fucking toilet think god I'm an idiot.

Get to the toilet and just stand there staring at myself thinking of how stupid I am and knowing she liked me didn’t make matters any better. In comes a friend Gareth Simmons, and he's like, “what the fuck dude, why you just sitting there” And I had no answers.

Needless to say she and her friends left shortly after that. Missed a good thing that day I would later find out that she was a sure thing...fuck my life.

So that was basically how high school turned out for a lot of almost and near misses. There was one time I was lucky enough to hook up with a girl named Candice Wallice. okay looking girl I was just excited I was kissing a girl. That was the highlight of my high school fucking career. I remember this one girl in school that probably stood out the most for me was Lauren Elston Jesus she was something else everything that got my cock hard had this Turkish look about her very short and petite with the most perfect looking tits and you could tell just by looking at her she had a wild streak about her. I once got thrown out of class, I wasn’t exactly a model student. So out I go, now this was what we called a prefab class which was basically dry wall with a roof. This particular class had a hole in the wall behind the teacher that someone had kicked in. So I'm outside bored to shit so I look through the hole and low and fucking behold there’s Lauren in the front row, I don’t know if she saw me but the legs opened up for the world to see and by world I mean me perving through this hole in the wall. She wasn’t even wearing underwear just this perfect view of her hairless snatch staring me full view in the face.

And again I did nothing, even now I'm on Google searching her name. Nope cant seem to find, suppose she is married by now and I'm not on social media any more.

Other than never scoring in high school it was generally a good place for me I got along with most people there mainly because I was the only one who could get weed. I even made a good living off of it at one stage. Especially once I started growing it.

I started smoking weed from about 1998, grade ten I think maybe a little earlier than that. It was easy for me to get as my father smoked his entire life till almost the day he died. So the first time I smoked I stole a section from him. He would go sit in the garage and smoke drinking his tea listening to music. So it gave me plenty of time to steal some from him. So now I have this section and I get it all prepared but I've got no blades to roll a joint, not that I knew how to. So I take a piece of bamboo and fashion a sort of pipe out of it. Now any of you out there that has smoked weed knows this shit stinks. And if you are a smoker then you also know when someone has lit up like a kilometre away. Well being a total noob I had no fucking clue till later.

Now I have got all this ready and being the bright spark that I am I decide that the best place to try it will be the fucking bathroom of all places. The bathroom is basically big enough for a bath a basin and you. I get everything ready and light up this makeshift bamboo pipe and it just fucking smoke everywhere and I'm thinking don’t worry it's all good the steam will disguise it fuck I was a dumb cunt. I open this tiny window and it bellows out like the smoke stacks of a coal power plant. Me puffing away like the little steam engine who could. Lost total track of time when all of a sudden my dad bangs on the door and shouts “Hurry up in there!”

I shat myself, I must have jumped as high as I felt. Cleaned all the shit up aired the bathroom out all the while thinking I had been caught. The fear creeping up on me, I slowly open the door and look around...all clear. So I run to my room. My dad comes and proceed to go bath himself. I think awesome safe. I must have stayed in my room all day being paranoid.

So a few days go by and I smoke hanging half out my window thinking the smell wont come into my room, fuck I was dumb. So a couple of days go by and I'm going on like there's nothing to fear, come home from school and I see my weed laying on my bed and my dad comes in and I think it over I'm a dead man. And starts going off, “Don’t let me ever catch you smoking weed...”, I thought oh god what do I do, “ this house again,” Hang on I thought did I hear right. And he carries on, “If you going to smoke you do it in the fucking garage”, I was stunned. I still tried feebly to deny it was mine and it was a friends but even I knew the story was thin at best.

So I continued to smoke weed even to this day. I guess it was a natural progression considering that my father smoked weed so did my mother till she passed away. Even my aunt and uncle smoked. My brothers and sisters all smoke. I believe being exposed to it all this time it becomes something normal, and your normal and my normal is not necessarily the same and nor should it be. As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone who the fuck am I to say what's normal if some guy wants to dress up in a furry outfit and have wild orgies with other furies I cant turn around and it abnormal. That ship sailed long time ago for humanity.

Its all the other fucking cunts out there trying to persecute people for living there lives. Who the fuck cares that johnny down the street is gay or that Susan next door is a prostitute or that someone’s grandfather likes anal sex. Each to there own I for one love hookers, so what. I don’t run around losing my shit because people go to church or own twenty cats. Lets all worry about our own lives god knows we all have our own problems. Fuck knows I do.

Okay we have gone way off topic here back to the weed. So from that day on my dad didn’t care that I smoked only that I do it outside and don’t steal his. Although I did steal his on occasion. I would also sell to my friends and people at school. Had to make money somehow being poor and not wanting wait tables. Beside selling weed way good money in those days.

I remember the one day in grade twelve a buddy and I were sitting in business class and he like “Hey man can you get me some weed, I want to get my aunt to bake muffins.” I look at him and as “well how many you looking to make.” He goes on about wanting to bring them to school. Now this is where I start thinking well if we going make for school and get high as fuck then lets do this shit right. I tell him I’ll sponsor the green but then he going have to make a shit ton of muffins for the entire grade. That’s right the entire grade twelve something like a hundred odd students. So Friday comes around and I give him probably about two to three hundred grams in total. Enough to make over fifty plus muffins, it was ridiculous to say the least.

Monday. Wesley comes up to me at school with the biggest Tupperware container ever full of muffins and we proceed to have one each. Greg, another friend comes up to us knowing what we had and proceeded to eat like three and would continue throughout the day to eventually eat ten...Greg’s day didn’t go so well or it went extremely well depending on which way you look at it.

Greg would later that day come running up to Wesley and myself high as fuck so high in fact I'm sure he was floating in space, or at least believed he was. So he runs up asking if we had any more muffins but at the same time as he is giggling and slurring eyes darting all over bloodshot like he had pink eye the deputy principle and a teacher came walking around the corner took on one look at Greg and was like, “Greg,” to which he turned suddenly to face them, “are you okay, whats wrong with you.” Greg had a panicked look on his face, Wesley and myself being quite high ourselves, although nowhere near where Greg was floating around avoided eye contact at all costs. The two teachers still approaching continued, “Greg, come here what’s wrong with your eyes?” To which he turned an bolted like there was a hell hound after him. Obviously at this point the fear had set in. and Greg's trip was taking a turn for the worst. Now I have only had the fear twice in my life once on weed muffins a couple of years later and once on shrooms. And the weed was much worse.

We later heard that Greg was hiding in the toilet and that our guidance counsellor Mr Spanengberg found him. Mr Spanengberg was an awesome teacher we had seen him in clubs before high as fuck. So Greg was sent home to sleep it off and Mr Spanengberg covered for him.

The rest of the grade twelve class proceeded to eat more muffins during the rest of the day becoming extremely unruly. Woodwork class was dangerous at best with everyone running around with power tools and working on heavy machinery all high as fuck. That nobody was injured was a true miracle. I heard one guy Mark Brown couldn’t get the key into the front door of his house, tried to kick the door in then fell asleep on his wall. Another guy went home with his friends all high ended up eating the two dishes of lasagne his mother had made for a dinner party. I don’t think she was very impressed.

That was probably one of the best days at school. Thinking back my grade wasn’t exactly grade A students. To give a few examples Jason Wilsnach or Snatch as we called him once got quite tipsy one day and ended up getting the principle for a class which wasn’t to bad in itself until he was asked to go fetch tests from his car. So off Snatch goes, comes back with no tests cause he cant find it so of he and the principle go together. Now he starts to get paranoid because maybe he gets caught or something. Turns out the principle was on the sauce too and could barely walk himself.

A buddy and I once shot our art teacher with a bb gun. The school still called the police, we were suspended and got community service I also had my gun confiscated. In grade eight we had a teacher go mental on our class swearing and shouting and finally walking out refusing to ever teach us again. Like I said not model students. If I recall her words correctly she said “ SHUT UP! SHUT UP! You fucking kids are like bloody animals. You have no fucking respect...” along those lines, stormed out and slammed the door. I still think we all got detention...










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