Distance

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Friends falling in love.

This story was written while listening to Christina Perri's song called Distance. I had the song on and it just got stuck in my head because I could relate to the song so much.

One of my closest friend is a guy and we get a long really well and have so much in common. I never liked him as more than a friend, but when people around us started to tease us, especially my family who always saw us together, sometimes you can't help but develop feelings of admiration and maybe a little crush to your friend. But after thinking about it for a long time, I thought that it would be best for us to just be friends because I can tell that he doesn't like me as anything more than just a friend. Now I've got my feelings under control, which is much better because I don't think of him as more than a friend anymore. . .

Although, I wrote this base on what I felt before for my friend, the names of characters are different and the events that had happened. I never actually told my friend how I felt before, and since I don't feel the say way anymore, I have no desire of telling him about it. Also I decided to give this story a good ending because... well, who would want to read a story that didn't end as happy as what this story has?

Hope everyone enjoys! & Thanks in advance for reading. :)

Submitted: June 10, 2013

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Submitted: June 10, 2013

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His lips touched hers, their eyes both closed. His right hand tightened at her waist his left sliding up from her arm to the back of her neck. My heart started to race and my hand started to sweat. Their lips started to part then he leaned forward again giving her the most passionate kiss I’ve ever seen. Oh how I wish that was me he was kissing . . . My eyes started to blur and I knew tears were on its way. I looked away but the woman started to make a deep moaning sound. I look back at them as he chuckled and gave her lips and neck little kisses. My right hand slipped up to my chest right above my heart as I try to ease the pain. They look so happy, she look so in love, and he, he looked in love with her too. I took a deep breath to recover myself; I took one last look to the couple across the street and started to head back to my car.

“Lena!” he called out to me.

I tried to pretend I didn’t hear anyone, then maybe he would leave me alone but he kept on calling my name.

“Lena! Hey Lena, didn’t you hear me?” he said grabbing my arm to face him. I turned to him as his girlfriend walk behind him looking a little flushed.

“Oh hey Christian, sorry, I blanked out there for a bit. I’m heading home right now to change to go to the gym.” I lied.

“Oh, well Karen and I are planning to go hiking this afternoon, want to come?” He asked, his eyes glistening and digging right into my heart even deeper.

I want to say yes, just to be with him, my friend, and my confidant. But deep in my heart I knew that it won’t be happiness and excitement that I would feel if I joined them as a third wheel, instead I would feel pity for myself and heartache at the man that I love but I couldn’t have.

I shook my head and tried to give him a smile instead.

“Sorry Christian, I can’t, I’m suppose to meet a friend at the gym, maybe next time.” I said, taking a deep breath and hold in the emotions building inside me.

His eyebrows furrowed as he asked, “Is it a guy?”

“What?” I looked at him then Karen his new girlfriend of two weeks.

“Uh, I mean, who is it? Anyone I know?” he asked again, his eyes gentler than before.

I shrugged and gave him a vague answer, “No, just someone I met at work.”

He nodded and smiled, “Okay, well, we’ll be going then. Let’s hangout sometime, I haven’t seen you in a long time. It’s like you’re avoiding me or something.”

His words pinched my chest making me wince, I was avoiding him, I was trying not to see him as much as possible because the more I see him the more my heart ached. I couldn’t stand it. I thought I could get rid of these feelings but I couldn’t. He has been my friend since senior year of high school, and in those seven years of being friends with him I never looked at him as more than a friend until my twenty-fourth birthday when he went to my party and gave me a kiss on the cheek. He had never given me a kiss on the cheek before and I never saw him as someone that would like me as more than a friend. We were very careful not to talk about each other’s love life. We never wanted anything to cause any awkwardness between us so we never asked each other about boyfriends or girlfriends. If one of us started to share then we’d listen to each other, but we never questioned each other further about the subject. And when I’d start to think of him as someone who I’d like as more than a friend, I’d quickly shake those thought off and think that nothing could ever happen between us because it would ruin our friendship. I love Christian as a friend and I never want him to be someone that would only be a memory in the future, but now I love him as more than a friend. I don’t know when it happened, but all I know is it’s painful to fall in love with someone who I tried for so long not to fall for. It’s like I’ve been hanging in the air for so long, but now that I’ve hit the ground, I can’t seem to recover from my injuries and I’m left broken and in pain.

I took a deep breath and forced a smile that looked more like a genuine smile than what I gave him before.

“I’m not avoiding you Christian, I’ve just been busy with work. I promise to give you a call though when I’m free, we’ll get to hangout soon.”

He nodded but his eyes say otherwise, I ignored it, not to let it his reactions affect me even further. I said my goodbyes and walked away, still clutching on to m chest. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes pushing the tears back. I don’t want to cry anymore, it’s useless. I need to be strong and put a distance between Christian and me, from far away at least; I can tell him I love him.

 

 

Her eyes were sad, that was the first thing I noticed about her. I haven’t seen her for a long time since her birthday party and now that I’ve seen her, I worried that she’s holding something back from me. I know when she’s sad, hurt, or when something is just in her mind. It was always easy for me to read her just by looking in her eyes; it was one of the reasons we became such good friends. We had an understanding about each other, we understand and know when to give each other advice or when to just listen and comfort each other. We hung out a lot until after her birthday party. She stopped texting me randomly like before and when I text or call her she doesn’t respond, and when she does respond it was always a short conversation. We didn’t connect anymore and she would always have a reason to not show up at our friends gathering or parties.

I miss Lena, I miss her a lot. Sometimes I want to just visit her and see how she’s doing but from the reactions she shows me, I feel like she doesn’t want to see me and wouldn’t be happy if I just show up at her apartment just to say hi. She’s been putting distance between us and it hurts me to know that she doesn’t want to see me, I don’t remember doing or saying anything that would have hurt her, but I promise to ask her next time we see each other again.

A week later. . .

Today is one of my friend’s birthday party, I planned on coming later, maybe towards the end of the party, I told her that I have something to do for work but just this morning she called me and told me that I have to come on time or else . . . I really don’t want to be there for the rest of the time, since she’s also Christian’s friend and I know he will be there with his girlfriend.

Just when I was about to knock on the door it suddenly opened with my friend Trisha wearing the biggest grin.

“You came! I can’t believe you’re on time!” She wrapped me in a tight hug as I hug her back, feeling comforted and a little bit at home since I’ve missed her so much. Whenever I try to avoid seeing Christian I end up not seeing my other friends too since we have lots of friends in common.

“Come on in, everyone is out at the backyard. We got cocktails, cheese cakes and all kinds of yummy goodness that’s sure to ruin my diet.”

I smiled at Trisha and handed her gift.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything better. I kind of been busy lately, I promise to take you out though maybe sometime next week?”

Trisha waved her hands and dismissed my apologies, saying “Don’t worry about it; the important thing is you’re here. Celebrating my birthday with me is the best gift you could ever give. Thank you. Now let’s go! The drinks are waiting.”

We both walked out of the house to the backyard, her arms around mine, and my heart in my throat. I don’t know how I’d be able to deal with seeing Christian, but right now, I’m here for my friend Trish and I’m not going to do or say anything that would ruin my mood for this party.

“Hey Lena! You’re still alive!” Trisha’s boyfriend, Cal, cheered.

The other visitors, mostly my friends, looked over at me and Trish and welcomed me. I’ve missed each one of them and I can’t believe that I’ve been avoiding all of them just because of one person.

“You know Lena, I was starting to think you have found other cooler friends than us,” Rob said, the jokester of our group of friends.

I giggled and shook my head, “No, I could never find cooler friends than you guys especially you Rob.”

Suddenly JD one of our other friend’s, who is also Christian’s best friend, jumped in the crowd I was surrounded in.

“Speaking of Lena, Lena, where’s Christian? You two usually arrive together, where is he?”

My throat tightened and my heart started to speed up, just when I was about to say something a very particular voice spoke behind me, his voice enveloping me, making me want to turn and see his face. But I stood frozen, looking straight at JD.

“Usually, but lately I haven’t really seen a lot of Lena either,” Christian said.

JD looked at me and searched my face for a second or two, when he finally caught my eyes, his expression softened and he swallowed and said, “Oh, well, at least you’re both here now.” Then he offered e a smile and looked behind me to Christian and nodded.

I felt like melting in front of all my friends. I don’t know what JD saw on my face to stop from asking further, but whatever it is, I hope he doesn’t share it to anyone. Everyone seemed to have lost interest, or just tried to ignore the palpable tension in the air, and they all went back to their own conversations. Trisha, whom I was holding on to, was suddenly gone and I was left standing alone with Christian standing behind me.

“You didn’t tell me that you were coming today, I could’ve picked you up,” Christian said, his voice low and deep.

I turned slowly and shook my head no, “I didn’t know I was coming this early until this morning,” I said.

His eyes roamed my face then straight to my eyes, “And you couldn’t call to tell me?”

I swallowed and prayed that he would stop with his inquisition, “I didn’t know I have to tell you anything before I come here.”

One of his eyebrows shot up and his lips turned to a firm line. “You’re right; you didn’t have to tell me anything. I’m sorry,” his postured straightened and his stare suddenly turned cold, and with the same temperature he said, “Enjoy the party,” before walking away to head to our other friends.

I took a deep breath and released it, shaking. The tightness on my chest started again and I knew it was a mistake to come here. I thought of walking away and going home instead but JD suddenly showed up next to me with a drink in hand.

“Here,” he said offering me the cup of punch that’s mixed with a kicker from what I’ve smelled.

I took it from him and thanked him; I took a sip and let the cold drink run down my throat smoothly.

“Lena, would you like to talk about something?” he asked.

I face him and asked, “About what?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know, about anything, maybe about the sudden tension between you and Christian?”

I swallowed and even though I didn’t plan on telling anyone, I decided, maybe telling someone would lighten up this load I’m carrying. I nodded, and JD led me in to the house where we could find a more private place to talk.

 

I watched as both of my best friend walk in the house, and the first thing that came to mind was that something serious must have happened, to Lena or to JD. But I’m almost one hundred percent that it’s not about JD since I’ve talked to him a couple of times every week and he seemed to be fine. It must be Lena, I haven’t talked to her in a while and she’s been acting really different lately.  I thought about the words exchanged between us just a couple of minutes ago and I winced at the memory. It was an awful way to talk to her after not talking for a long time, but her body language and just the way she talked to me made me feel an unusual heat inside, I felt angry, confused, and most of all hurt that she was acting so different around me without telling me what it is. And now I see her talking to JD, my best friend, I mean they are friends too, but there wasn’t something Lena would tell our other friends without telling me first. We were that close . . .

I took a deep breath as I gathered my courage, JD sat patiently across from as he sat on an ottoman and me on the lazy boy couch at Trisha’s home office.

JD took my hand and squeezed before letting go. “It’s okay Lena, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

I shook my head, “I do, I do want to tell you, it’s just . . . It hurts to say it out loud. I don’t want anything to ruin my friendship with Christian or with anyone else.”

JD offered me a weak smile and he looked up then to me, “You love him.”

With those words, my heart skipped and my eyes started to water. I nodded and I couldn’t help the cry from deep within me from flowing out.

“When?” he asked.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and forced myself to answer him.

“I guess I always have. I just forced myself not to because I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me and I didn’t want anything to ruin our friendship.”

“You don’t want to tell him?”

I shook my head and sniffed. “No, but I just don’t want to hurt anymore, you know. Every time I see him, it just reminds me of my feelings for him and . . .”

“Lena, it’s not healthy to keep things like this inside, you have to release it some way.”

“That’s why I’m telling you; because I know I would never have the courage to tell it to the one person I truly want to.”

JD rubbed a hand over his face and released a deep breath. “Maybe you should tell him.”

“He has a girlfriend.”

He shook his head and turned his head sideways to look up in my eyes. “No he doesn’t, not anymore.”

I raised my head and looked at him, my tears still rolling down my face.

“They broke up last week after they went on to this hike thing.”

“Hike? That was the day I saw him in town.”

“Really? And Karen was with him at that time?”

I nodded.

JD smiled a bit and released a breathy chuckle. “Christian said Karen was very jealous and angry when she broke up with him.”

“Jealous? Of who?”

JD smiled again, this time bigger, “Maybe you.”

 

I walked in the house and saw JD walk out of the home office with a genuine smile on his face, a tinged of jealousy ran through me. What was it that Lena told JD that she couldn’t tell me? I walk towards JD and as he saw me, his smile faded a bit.

“Hey, what were you doing in there?” I asked nodding towards the door of the office.

He shrugged, “Just talked to Lena.”

“About what?” as soon as the words were out I realized that my voice had suddenly sounded more firm and a little louder than before.

“Just stuff, she was asking me something about work.”

I cleared my throat, hoping my voice won’t crack or something. “What?”

“Work and man problems and stuff,” he said walking pass me towards the back of the house to the backyard.

I stood there looking at JD walk away; I turned to the door and walk towards it. I asked myself if I should really go in there and talk to Lena, but heck, if she wants to talk to someone why can’t it be me, her best friend.

I turned the knob and pushed the door open slowly. I stepped in the office and found Lena standing with her back turned to me as she looks out the window. She raised her hand to her face and seemed to be wiping something off her cheek. I closed the door quietly behind me but couldn’t stop it from clicking.

“JD, I said I was fine, you didn’t . . .” she stopped as she turned to see me standing there near the door.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm the anxiety building inside me. Why am I suddenly feeling this way when I’m around her? I always feel like I’m tied in knots when I’m around her, like someone squeezing on my chest. I want to ask her why she’s been avoiding me, and why she’s been acting so different. I had so many questions, but I couldn’t seem to find the voice to ask her, I just always end up saying the wrong words and I get frustrated with myself for acting stupid in front of her.

“Sorry, I’m not JD.” I said then quickly mentally kicking myself for that statement.

Her eyes widened as she bit her bottom lip, which I noticed quickly . . . for some reason.

“Anyway, I was wondering if I could talk to you.”

She looked down and then at me, her eyes seemed to glisten with past tears. Why was she crying?

“Why were you crying?” I asked.

She sniffed and touched her cheeks as if checking her temperature. “I . . . just, there was some things that JD and I talked about that really got me.”

I nodded, “Something you couldn’t tell me? . . .  Oh well, then again, you don’t have to tell me anything. So . . .”

“Why are you being such a jerk?” her voice was suddenly demanding, her hands in fists at her sides.

I looked at her, again something heating up inside me. “Me? I’m being a jerk? You’re the one avoiding me. Why is that Lena? Huh?”

Her expression suddenly softened and she quickly turned around to hide from me. I walked over to her and turned her to face me as I held on to her arms.

“You know how many times I thought about every single thing I said to you after realizing that you were avoiding me? How many times I thought of the things I did just to know what ticked you off. What did I do? What did I say that made you act so different around me all of a sudden? Hm?”

Her lips quivered as she looked at me with teary eyes and I couldn’t help but feel stupid and sorry for making her cry. My heart broke as soon as the tears started to run down her cheeks.

“Lena, please talk to me. What did I do? You’re my friend and I care about you, what is it that’s hurting you?”

Her lips parted but just as I thought she was going to say something she looked away from me.

“Lena please talk to me, is it me? Is it something I did?”

She turned to look at me again, this time her eyes narrowed on me. “No, it’s something I did.”

I let go of her arms and encouraged her to continue. “What did you do?” I asked, lowering my voice to not scare her. I waited patiently.

She took a deep breath and in a low breathy, and almost whispering voice, she said, “I fell I love with you.”

My heart stopped, and for what felt like a very long time I just stared at her. She looked back at me as if waiting for something, maybe something that I should say, but I didn’t know what it was. All I could think of are the words that she just confessed to me. She fell in love with me . . . me. All this time, I knew she would find someone, someone that would make her happy, someone that would take care of her, someone that would love her for the rest of her life, someone that deserves her and she found me. My chest tightened and I tried to brush it off as I try to straighten my thoughts. How could she fall in love with someone like me? I’m no where good enough to be with her, she’s an amazing, smart, beautiful, and loving person. I’m just a regular Joe, I’m nothing compared to her. She has the most wonderful heart, I’ve ever seen. She cared about everyone and anyone, she helped as much as she could, and was never selfish. She was the one who was always there for me; she always encouraged me and motivated me to be the best person I can be when I’m feeling down. She was the person who always cheered me up and she was the one who really listened to me. She was always there on the good and bad times. She was the one who always made me happy just by a smile, she was the one who always offered me a hug to comfort me, that’s why she’s my best friend, that’s why I love . . . that’s why I love her.

I thought about the times when she started to put distance between us, how much I’ve missed her, how much I thought of her. Every sentence I say, I always find a way to connect it to her. I couldn’t stop thinking about her and hoping that she was okay. That’s why I was so frustrated when she always dismissed me even though I wanted to talk to her, seeing her pull away from me made me feel confused and annoyed that I couldn’t find out the reason for her actions. And now, now that I know, I don’t know what to do . . .

He just looked at me, his eyes wide and his lips slightly apart. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, in my heart it was a relief to tell him about how I feel, but in my mind I know that if he doesn’t feel the same way then this might be the last time I see him. I opened my eyes and saw his features, gentler, his eyes almost glossy from tears. He took a deep breath and releases it as he looked down. I waited. When he looked up at me tears were in his eyes and his voice suddenly broke as he tried to speak.

He took my hands and held it in his. My heart started to pound right out of my chest as I wait for him to speak again.

“Lena . . .” he started, and then cleared his throat again. “I . . . I didn’t know you felt that way about me. And  . . . Well, I don’t exactly know what to say . . .”

I tried to pull my hands away from his but he held on, tears started to drown my eyes again.

“I don’t want to hurt you . . .” he said under his breath.

I felt my chest tighten and my throat close up making it hard for me to breath.

“You’re my friend and I care so much about you, I don’t want to hurt you . . .”

His words finally sank in to my head; he doesn’t want to hurt me because he doesn’t feel the same way about me. And he knows that would truly hurt me. My heart turned numb as I close my eyes, letting the last tears I will shed for him to fall down from my eyes. I pulled my hands away from his as I tried my best to gather myself.

“I understand Christian, I’m sorry that I completely took you by surprise with my feelings. . . “

“Lena, what are you trying to . . . “he started to say, but I stopped him before he said anything more.

“I’ll make this easier for you, because I care about you too. I’ll try my best to forget about my feelings for you, and I’m willing to pretend that none of this happened.” I took a deep breath and hoped for my voice to stop from shaking. “If you let me, I can go back to the friend I was before. I’m sorry; I avoided you and promise to not do . . .”

“Will you give me a damn chance to say something? Please!” he said frustrated.

I felt my eyes widen at his words, then he looked straight at me his hands on my arms again.

“Lena , what makes you so sure that I don’t feel the same way about you? That I want us to be just friends? It’s like you’re always expecting the worse and you kept trying to say goodbye to me.”

I opened my mouth to say something but he shook his head before I had a chance to speak.

“Hell, you did surprise me, and I probably took forever before I said anything but that pause didn’t mean I was trying to think of ways to get rid of you. Damn, you don’t know how many times I told myself to not fall for you because; you make it so easy for me to fall head over heels in love with you. I don’t want to hurt you that’s true because I keep thinking that if we were to get together, there’s no way I can assure you that I won’t screw up. I would do my best but Lena; you have to know I’m not good enough for you. I’m not rich, I don’t have the best job, and I have a long way to go before I actually be deserving of you.”

Finally, I had to say something, “Stop belittling yourself Christian! I love you because of you, not your lifestyle, or your job, or whatever it is you think you lack. I can’t just let you talk about yourself like that when in truth, you’re the most hard working person I know, you care about people, and your drive to be the best you can is what attracted me to you the most. I know you might not think that you’re doing the best, but you are. And stop talking about me like I’m some perfect person because I’m not. If anything, I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you.”

He looked at me with sparkle in his eyes, and in quite a while that I haven’t seen him, I finally saw him smile, his beautiful sweet smile, just for me.

“Oh Lena, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”

I arched an eyebrow at him, “Really?”

He grinned, “Really . . . I love you Lena, and now that I can finally say this to you instead holding my feelings back. I promise to make you so happy that you won’t regret falling in love with me.”

“I will never regret loving you Christian. I’ve loved you for a while now, and being able to tell you I love you face to face is so much better than saying it from a distance.”

Christian held me by the waist as he leaned down, his face only an inch away from mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I look into the eyes of the man I love.

“I love you Lena, my best friend, and now my girlfriend, my heart.”

“I love you too Christian,” I replied before his lips touched mine.

 

 

 

 

 

 


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