Is It Worth It?
Short Story by: Zenna Wrabbit
Jenna woke to the sound of her alarm blaring in her ear, relentlessly assaulting her eardrums. She fumbled blindly for her phone to expel the unwanted mini explosions going through her head, and stabbed at the sleep button with a finger. One eye slowly slid open as the horrible weight of reality suddenly crashed back onto her shoulders. There are no happy endings out here in the real world. She preferred being asleep to anything else. In the world of dreams, happiness was actually obtainable, even if it didn't last forever. But here in the cold world, you had to keep your guard up lest someone take advantage of your weakness. She reluctantly drew herself up out of bed, she had to be ready for school in about ten minutes. She threw on a random black shirt with a wolf design that she'd had since forever and some jeans that probably weren't very clean. She shuffled towards the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and attempted to run a comb through her tangled mess of dark brown hair. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she sighed at the girl staring back. The only thing she kind of liked about herself was her hair. Her hair was the only thing she was ever really complimented on, otherwise she was just knows as the 'creepy stoner kid in the back'. Her hair was dark brown and had bits of red and gold when she was in the sun.
She slumped downstairs, immediately being told off by her mother for slouching. Slightly raising her composure, she got out a bowl of cereal, slowly raising the spoon to her mouth and chewing. Scoop. Chew. Scoop. Chew. The cereal was bland, completely devoid of any flavor, but she still ate it in almost a zombie-like trance.
She finished her bowl and went outside her house to wait for the bus. A group of kids her age were already there huddled in a group talking and laughing amongst themselves. Their conversation abruptly stopped for a moment as she neared and they all looked up at her in perfect harmony. She stopped a little ways away from the group, these people were not her friends. Confident she didn't pose any threat, the group continued their discussion, quite a few members of the group snickering and looking over at her occasionally. She chose to ignore them and blasted music on her iPod. Music was her second escape from life, if she couldn't sleep she would blast her music so loud she couldn't hear people's hushed whispers as she walked past. As the bud pulled up she slowly climbed on behind the group and slid into the first row of seats. The obnoxiously loud group sat all the way in the back, nice and far away from her.
The bus ride to school passed by her quickly, occasionally stopping here and there to pick more people up. Jenna looked on with dread slowly crawling up on her as they neared the school building, she hated it here. She went to North Station High School where she was a freshman. She pushed her hair down over her face as she got off the bus and walked towards the looming building. She slipped through the crowded halls easily, being invisible in a crowd was her specialty. Even though she gave her best efforts not to be noticed, a few people muttered "Fag" as she slid by them. She finally made it to her locker, just to find her least favorite person on earth waiting for her.
"Sup snot head" said Kyla, her friend turned tormentor of three years.
"Good morning Kyla...." She muttered in response.
"Sorry, didn't hear you through all the hair in your face, ever heard of a comb? Or maybe even a shower?" Kyla and her two goons chuckled at her joke.
"Okay, can I get to my locker now?" Jenna asked, her patience quickly wearing thin.
Kyla stopped smiling with her goons and immediately Jenna saw danger lurking in her eyes.
"You don't talk to me. Got it barf for brains?"
Kyla shoved Jenna into her locker to emphasize her point. Kyla's two goons joined in, shoving Jenna into her locker over and over again like a human paddle ball. When they felt as though their point had been proven, they left her there, battered and broken both inside and out. Jenna looked around and saw a group of kids quickly avert their eyes and a few teachers nearby pretending they saw nothing. This was typical of her school, even teachers who were supposed to protect their students took sides with the bullies, as the bullies tended to be the teacher's favorites. Jenna scoffed at everyone's cowardice and opened her locker. She grabbed the supplies she needed for her English class and headed over to the classroom. She went to her seat in the back of the classroom and sat down to wait for class to begin. Slowly people shuffled in to the room, until it was filled with life as Jenna somberly watched on. The teacher finally walked in and announced in her shrill voice for everyone to shut their traps. A great start to a 'joyous' day. The next few classes blurred on, during lunch Jenna didn't have any friends to sit with, so she bought a lunch and sat at a table alone. Listening to other people around her have fun didn't help her self-esteem. On the bright side, she could get in some studying. Or, she attempted to. Kyla and her lackeys casually walked up to the table Jenna was occupying.
"Can I sit here or is this seat taken?" Kyla asked with a cruel smirk.
"Oh yeah I forgot, the fag doesn't have any friends. No one wants to catch the gay from our local one man freak fest" Kyla sat down next to Jenna.
"I bet this is the first time anyone has sat next to you in a long time eh, turd storm?" She said to Jenna.
Jenna tried her best to ignore Kyla and focused on just eating her food. Kyla wasn't getting the reaction she wanted, so eyes flitting from Jenna to the tray in front of her she reached a hand forward. Jenna saw this but made no attempt to stop her as she flipped the tray of food onto Jenna's lap.
"OOPS, was that meee?" Kyla said in a loud voice, drawing all the attention possible to Jenna's predicament.
Jenna slumped down in her seat, trying to hide as much of herself as possible. Why did Kyla feel the need to be like this? She could easily just walk away at any time and never have to deal with someone as unimportant as Jenna. Jenna's eyes flitted around the lunchroom, the entire room silenced and hushed whispers were coming from everywhere. She quickly stood up and began walking out of the room. She heard obnoxiously loud laughter behind her and turned back to see Kyla cracking up on the floor pointed towards her.
"I THINK... YOU FORGOT.... A PAD!" She gasped out between her fits of laughter. Jenna looked down and saw her spaghetti sauce running down her leg, but it looked suspiciously like something else. Her face reddened as she quickly turned away and sprinted towards the nurses office. When she finally made it, she ran in and closed the door behind her panting slightly. Running from Kyla and friends had kept her in relatively good shape. The nurse looked up uninterestedly at Jenna, a blank expression on his face.
"Jenna, isn't it? You're in hear a lot. Another accident?" He mumbled out, completely devoid of any emotion.
"Yes sir... An accident." Jenna replied quietly.
"Let me get you an ice pack." The man said as he pushed himself up out of his chair and waddled over to the freezer. Jenna scoffed inwardly, you could have just been shot and this guy would hand you an ice pack and tell you to lie down until you feel better. The nurse came back and handed her an ice pack,
"There you go, do you wanna lie down?" He asked. Jenna decided to take the cowards way out of her Kyla situation and just pretend to be sick and go home. After barely any convincing, she managed to get the nurse to let her leave school on her own. She slunk up to her locker and emptied its contents into her bag. She kept a long board in there in case she needed to leave school on her own, so she reached in and took it off of its hook. She walked back downstairs to the front doors and pushed through them on her way to freedom. The ride home was uneventful, her music blocking out pretty much anything that could distract her from her long treck. She finally got home, let herself in, and immidiatly made her way upstairs to her room.
She sighed with relief as she entered the cool darkness of her room, this was her favorite place on earth. She lay down on her bed and thought about the events of her day. Kyla wasn't always like this, she was actually at one point Jenna's friend. Actually, probably her best friend. A few years ago, things had been very different for her. She had friends and everyone seemed to enjoy her company. She had a knack for making people laugh and loved to see their faces light up in a smile on a bad day. She and Kyla would hand out with one another every day and they had the best of times together. But, there was something Jenna was hiding from her friend, from everyone. Jenna liked girls. Not just friendly girl love, she wanted to be married to a girl when she grew up -'d make that girl the happiest in the world. But, this isn't normal in the world she lives in. People don't understand that sexuality or gender identity isn't a choice. One say, she decided that she didn't want to hide anything from her best friend anymore, so she decided to tell Kyla. Jenna decided to tell her over text, she just couldn't in person. After school on a Friday, she began texting Kyla
J: hey buddy
K: Sup chicken nugget? :P
J: I have something really important to tell you, please don't hate me for it. You're my best friend and I trust you not to tell anyone
K: What is it? Lol you better not be a fag
K: You're disgusting and going to burn in hell.
Well, she was straight to the point. Since then Kyla had made it her personal mission to make Jenna's life a living hell, just as her afterlife was sure to be. A tear made it's way down Jenna's face as she thought back to happier times. Her family was completely oblivious to her whole situation, which Jenna took as a good thing. Her mind was a swirling torrent of chaotic thoughts, she needed to calm down. She needed to be relieved. She got up from her bed and went over to the bathroom down the hall from her room. She entered the bathroom, closed and locked the door behind her, and reached for the bottom drawer on the cabinet. She pulled out the razor blade she kept there for when she needed some time off thinking. She perched herself up on the counter, staring a herself in the mirror. She drew the blade across her wrists, the slight sting becoming a flaming sensation running up and down her arms, beads of blood beginning to form. Her music was still plugged in, and her favorite song came on. It began softly, slowly building up, adding layer upon layer of harmonious chaos to the mix. Crescendoing into the peak of the song, all the chaos coming together to create one perfect sound, slowly ebbing away until nothing remained. Jenna continued adding more and more tallies to her arm, her thoughts were just like the music, she was crescendoing. Everything that had happened to her in the last few years of her life coming to her in waves, her blade cutting deeper and deeper into her flesh, chrimson blood spilling out of her at an alarming rate, but she didn't notice. Her thoughts controlled her becoming more chaotic and irratic by the second, she couldn't stop. Her monster thoughts ebbed away as the music slowed and she looked down at the bloody mess that was her arms. She had gone too far, cut too deep. But, the thing was, she didn't care. There was no one she cared about in this world. Her vision became darker as she lost more and more blood. She thought to herself "I guess I won't be able to make my girl happy after all..." Images of what could have been flashing before her. She smiled lightly, at least there would be no more pain. She thought of a happy life with her girl, holding on to these future memories until she felt nothing at all.
Thank you so much for reading, please leave feedback for me and I might write more stories soon. It's about 3:30 in the morning and I have to be up in a few hours, whoopsies... But I really do appreciate anyone reading this, and I hope I can write more in the future :) Hope I didn't depress anyone out there.
© Copyright 2017 Zenna Wrabbit. All rights reserved.