Hide and Go seek

Reads: 460  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic

Another little short, short story I thought of...

Playing hide and go seek with my son was an everyday activity between us. It was basically our favorite game to play together. One day it was my turn to hide, and I decided that my room closet would be a great place to hide since we just recently moved into this house and the closet was quite large. It had a little peephole I could look out of to make sure he wasn’t gaining close. It didn’t take my son long to find me. My son approached the closet door, and stood there…and stood there. It was for a good five minutes, and I began to chuckle, thinking he didn’t notice me in there. About a moment later I heard a voice, a familiar voice. Turning the corner of the room was my son, staring in awe at the thing that stood before the closet door.


Submitted: December 04, 2014

© Copyright 2021 Zepheriah. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Darren Totum

Great idea although I feel the story would have benefited from a more descriptive longer prose. Treat the pay off as something that must be earnt by the reader, use a more descriptive format and flesh out the situation. the more investment the reader has in the world you create, the more 'creepy' the pay off will feel. Wonderful idea!

Sat, December 6th, 2014 9:09pm

Author
Reply

Thanks! :D I'll admit, it was a bit rushed considering the story's length in general. It's rather strenuous to create a creepy story when your main goal is to keep is short, and crisp. I'll do better next time, for sure. :)

Thu, December 11th, 2014 6:37am

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