Take risks

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
A short story about A family who discover a secret wish changes everything.

Submitted: November 06, 2011

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Submitted: November 06, 2011

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I miss him. I really miss him. Every minute of every day I think about him. Think about what would, could have happened. How different our life would have been if it hadn’t been this way. I’m not glad it did happen, but because it did it has put an end to all the pain and lies that he has caused. My daughter has been able to move on and put all of this behind her. Yes, it has been very hard to forget, this year has been a big part of our lives but if it hadn’t happened it could have been one of us that had gone.

I met my husband Tony when I was 17. He was so romantic from the moment we clapped eyes on each other. We both were waiting in the waiting room in the job centre. We started talking as we had nothing else to do. He had dropped out of school at the age of 16, like me. It felt like someone understood where I was coming from. He asked me out to lunch and it all started from there. We broke up for about a month after a year together, but got back together very quickly. When I wasn’t with him it was like a piece of me was missing. His parents had left him as a kid and he had been forced to be grown up before he was ready.

My parents broke up when I was two and my mother kicked me out when I was 16. I was a handful she said. Always getting into trouble; staying out late; getting drunk; smoking and being obnoxious. What she didn’t seem to understand is that I got that all from her. When I was 13 she would have parties almost every night, have strange men come and stay. There was this one man call Rick. He seemed very nice and he loved seeing me; bringing me presents. But after a while he would start to get drunk a lot and he would try to force himself on me. That’s when I starting going out and acting exactly like my mum did. Lost my virginity too early to a guy I didn’t even know. Got into the wrong group of friends who would be smoking and make as much havoc on the streets as they could. So my mum kicked me out. I had nowhere to go; was living with my friends for a while. Then I met Tony. I hadn’t had a man’s influence in my life, so having someone come into your life and treat you with respect was new territory for me.

After two years dating we found a place and moved in together; a year later got married. Not a big affair, just a few witnesses. No one from my family, none from his. It felt like true love. Then a few months later I found out I was pregnant, (wasn’t planned). I don’t think Tony was ready for a kid, unlike me. I was going to bring him/ her up the complete opposite to my upbringing. Or so I hoped. When Skye was born it made Tony a complete new character. The things he did that have scarred me and Skye for life.

Tony did like his drink (a little too much in fact).He would get very aggressive when he was drunk, which was a new experience for me because he never used to be. When Skye was growing up that’s when it all started to get even worse. One night Tony had been out on the town with his mate while I was at home looking after Skye. He came in blind drunk, shouting the odds at me; saying how much of a crap mother I was so I slapped him. Not a good move as I later learnt. He pushed me hard against the bedroom door, holding my wrists so I couldn’t fight back. I tried to scream but couldn’t because he had kissed me. His hand, still holding my wrists, pulling me over to the bed and pushed me onto it, unbuttoning his jeans. I knew what he was going to do and I would not let him. Images were flashing in my head of memories when another man had tried to do the same. So I kicked him, right on his chest which made him fall backwards into the bathroom door. He got even angrier, got up and grabbed my hair. “Don’t you dare do that to me,” he shouted in my ear pushing me on the bed and walking out of the room slamming the door behind him. I was shaking; couldn’t believe what had just happened.

He came back at about ten the next morning. He gave me a big hug and said he would never do it again. I stupidly forgave him, not knowing what was around the corner.

Meanwhile, Skye was now 13 and had her own mind already. She was a very angry child, (guess where she got that from). She wouldn’t be at home very much, out with her friends, so she says. I could tell she was going down the wrong road like I did. I had to talk to her and tell her straight that I knew what she was up to and that it had to stop. What I didn’t know however, was what she had told me.

“So you know about me and Luke?”

“Luke?”

“You know Luke. My boyfriend”

“Boyfriend! Skye you’re 13, you shouldn’t be having a boyfriend, you should be out with your friend having fun.”

“We do have fun.”

“Skye, listen sweetie, boys at your age only think of one thing and I don’t think you’re ready for that just yet.”

“Mum, I lost my virginity ages ago. Now if you don’t mind I have things to do.”She said slamming the front door. I was in shock, just stood there in the kitchen. When Tony got home things seemed to escalate. I had to tell him what she had told me. He was very angry and demanded we went and found her.

We found her easily; not doing what I hoped however. We stayed in the car for a bit just watching her. She was with a big group; boys and girls. She was knocking back a can of larger while everyone was watching her and cheering. After this to my horror she grabbed the nearest girl, who look absolutely trash, and kissed her.

“Skye come here now!” Tony shouted getting out of the car. He grabbed her by the arm dragging her to the car. Safely at home, I watched as Tony shouted at her. I couldn’t stop him when he was this angry. She was shouting back, a little too much letting something slip.

“What was that last bit?” I asked her, grabbing her hand looking anxiously at her.

“You can’t tell me to control my anger when he’s the one hitting you.” I turned away. How did she know? Did she see?

“Don’t say another word!” Tony said giving her a pressing look.

“Why ever not dad? Don’t you want mum to know that you have been doing the same to me as you do to her?”

At that point, Tony had stood up. He took me by the arm and walked me upstairs.

“Go to bed Skye. Now!” He shouted down the stairs as he shut me in the bedroom locking the door behind him.

“What the hell is going on?!” I asked him.

“Nothing my sweet. Now, as Skye has had her bit of fun, I think it’s our turn.”

Not this again. But this time I couldn’t stop him; I couldn’t get him off me. I tried believe me, but the stronger I fort the tougher he got. Pinning me down on the bed, holding my legs down with his legs (which he learnt from experience is a wise thing to do), undoing my jeans and his.

Before I knew it he had gone again. He had got what he wanted now he was going to have fun with his friends. This didn’t seem like a normal marriage, but what do I know? I have never known what a real marriage would be like. You’re probably thinking, why I didn’t just leave; start a fresh somewhere else. The thing is I was scared; scared of what would happen if he found out or found us.

That same night, I went into Skye’s room and had a long proper talk about, well everything. She showed me where he had hit her. Places I would never have seen. She said her boyfriend had seen them but hadn’t pressed her to find out where they were from. She told me I should leave him. I told her she should be more careful with her friends. The thing about advice is you can listen to it and understand what you should do, but you usual don’t follow it. I asked her some more questions, trying to get her to open up to me.

“Was he ever... sexually abusive to you?”

“No.”

“Well that’s a good thing.”

“One good thing. Wow everything’s fine now then. He only hit me, that’s not a big thing now is it!”

She stood up, about to walk out.

“Hey, wait, I’m sorry. It’s just I didn’t know any off this until today. I didn’t even know you had lost your virginity. “

“You never ask mum, that’s why!”

“I’m sorry, I promise I will now. I will be your mum from now on. You can trust me.”

That night, I lay awake thinking about how stupid I have been. Of course this was not a normal marriage. The things he has done to me. Yes, in a marriage you have arguments; disagree on certain things, etc but you don’t hurt the person you love. Emotionally hurt does happen, but not physically. It just seemed so normal. The way he walked around as if he owned the place; he got what he wanted when he wanted and I let him, because I loved him more than life itself. But how far is too far?

When he hits me, I feel like I deserve it; that I haven’t been a good wife and that he should punish me. But even then, if that was true, there isn’t a reason for him to be sexually abusive. The way we would have an argument and he would get angry and slap me. My face would be all red and I would be crying, saying I’m sorry Tony, I’m sorry.

“No, you’re not. You always do this.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. Honestly.”

He pushed me against the wall and kissed me. His hand moving from my hair, to my waist, in a matter of seconds. I pulled away.

“Tony, please stop! Not now. Tonight, I promise.”

“It’s always later or tonight! No, not anymore, we are doing this now!”

So I just let him. It wasn’t romantic, like it should be. It felt horrible to be quite honest. Why oh why did I let him do this to me? The fear I felt as he was doing it. As if he was a stranger, not my husband. I did try and fight, but the thing is, when I fight back, it becomes a lot scarier. I didn’t want to believe it. If you really think about it, he was raping me. Mostly every single time after Skye was born.

It always used to be so romantic; very gentle and he respected my body. My body was god’s gift to him, back in the days. But now, he treated me like his mistress; that my only use to him was to be his sex toy. How is that a marriage? I don’t think it is, do you?

I went to see one of my friends the next day. I didn’t tell her what was happening, just that Tony was drinking a lot and not looking after Skye. She told me to leave him, just like she did and now she has a man who adores her. Maybe I could do that. Maybe I should just run me and Skye, just pack up and run.

Three weeks later, nothing had changed. I had set a date in my head to when I would go and I was going to tell Skye the day before we would leave. It was going to be hard to go but if I didn’t who knows what might happen. How much worse could he get?

The day finally had arrived. Skye was having a big argument with Tony (again). He had gone out again. I went into her room and told her my plan; she was so happy. She gave me a big hug and actually cried. I realised there and then I had been a bad mother for her but that I could put it right. We decided to pack there and then; not a lot, just the stuff we really needed so he wouldn’t realise for a while until we were well away. The car was all packed by midnight. He still wasn’t back. We both looked at each other, standing in the driveway, looking at the house.

“Ready for a new start Skye?” I whispered in her ear. She didn’t speak just nodded. We got in the car and drove. I knew where I was going. My aunt’s house, she didn’t know where I went after mum kicked me out, haven’t seen her since. She doesn’t know she has a niece.

A new start for both of us. Our next chapter. I do miss him from time to time. Think what if he hadn’t been abusive to me and Skye but if he hadn’t I would never have learnt that I deserve so much better. Life is full of choice. You can choose the right one or the wrong one. Whichever one you choose you will learn an important lesson.

Always take risks. You never know where they might take you. Some can be good, some can be bad. But whatever you do, it’s one hell of a journey.


© Copyright 2017 Zoe Dove . All rights reserved.

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