Memories

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

A Short story I wrote.

 


 

I walk around every night between 11pm and 12pm minding my own business, in the dark. Alone. Dressed in nothing but black, to blend in with the night time sky. My head hangs down in shame, my arms crossed in pain. A Blood red rose in my hand, as the moonlight and starlight bounces on the petals, it shimmers and twinkles, making me recall all the love we used to share, and all the memories we had. I grip the rose tighter. Blood pours from my hand, the thorns stuck in my palm. The Blood, The pain reminds me of the arguments we had, and the name calling.

I carry on walking, moving further away from my home. The memories flood through my mind, memories of when we were together. I miss the touch of your hand, I miss how soft and smooth your skin was and how you would stroke my hand with your fingers ever so gently. I miss the taste of your mouth and how softly you would kiss my forehead to let me knew you cared. I want to be able to touch your lips with mine again. I want to be able to run my hand through your beautiful brown hair. I miss how we would stay up all night talking about how much we loved each other and then when one of us began to get tired you’d wrap me in your arms tight and secure, as if you wanted to protect me from the demons in my nightmares. Then we’d fall asleep together, so close to each other we could feel each other’s heart’s beating. But now we’re apart the only emotions I feel are worry, sadness and just a tiny little bit of hope; hope that one day we will get back together. As I walk further into the distance and the darkness, my worries get stronger; I don’t want you to forget about me, I don’t want you to leave me, leave me in a wilderness of nothing and emptiness. My biggest fear of all is that I may never see you again. But then again I know I can always rely on my dreams, because in my dreams I can see your face again. I’ll be able to hold you in my arms forever. In my dream we could lie down on a soft field of grass and make shapes out of clouds- love hearts, roses, people kissing. You know, like they do on romantic films. My dream slowly turns to an end, and I open my eyes. I find myself sat on a park swing with tears rolling down my face. I try to stop myself from crying but it just doesn’t seem to want to. I then realize I’m sat on the park were me and you got together, to be exact on the 09th September 2009.

In the dark, the world seems so much different. It’s so lifeless and quite, but at the same time, so magical and full of ‘dreams come true’. I close my eyes, and make a wish. I open my eyes. No different. I knew it wouldn’t work. I stay still on the swing for what seemed half an hour thinking and wondering. Saying over and over to myself ‘my life isn’t worth living without you in my heart’ as I say this I feel my heart break into a million pieces more and more as a say it. I lean backwards forgetting I’m sat on a swing. I fall off. And bang my head on the floor. The next thing I know is I’m laid in my bed at home and its mid-afternoon. My mum walks in and gives me a glass of orange juice- smooth.
‘You really need to stop staying out so late, when no one knows where you are. We ought to put a tracking device in your neck so we know where you are if this happens again' my mother jokes
I laugh sarcastically.

I get out of bed and walk downstairs, my legs shaking out of control. I grab a bite to eat and head for the front door. My dad stops me and says ‘you’re not going out anywhere today, not after what’s been going on these past few days’. I push past him and walk out. I run towards a back alley where no one will look. I stay there for a while and then check if the coast is clear. It is. I walk down towards a forest about 20 minutes from my house. I enter the forest and rest on a log to get my breath back. I sit there wondering what you’re doing this very moment. I put my hands together and start to pray to god. ‘God, please don’t let this be the end of the line for me. Let me have the hope and courage to go on. Try and get him to talk to me at least. Or give me the confidence to ring him. If we can’t be together, I wish we could still be friends.’ I put my head down for a minute or two with my eyes closed. I looked up and opened my eyes. And there you were. Just stood there watching me. I get up to hug you. But there’s nothing there but thin air. I go straight through you. I don’t understand. Am I starting to see things?

I look at my wrist. And see all the scars that remind me that the past is in fact real. I flash back to the night I did it. I recall how much I loved the feel of blood running down my wrist and arm. The fact it made me feel alive and like I belonged. It gave me a sense of life. The cold sharp blade slicing my arm open, the muscle splitting underneath the sheer power of the blade as it twists deeper. It’s best when it’s new, And never been used, because that’s when your friend- The razor, is at its best.
I zone back into reality and just sit there. And think about the first time we made love and how perfect it was. This was when everything made sense. And I remember how gentle you we’re. You’re not like any other boy I’ve met. You made me feel so special. Felt like I was a princess. Like I was the only girl in the world. I remember something that you used to always say to me. ‘’Guess What?’’
‘’What?’’
‘’I Love You’



I’ll never forget them little comments you randomly would come up with & how easily you could make me laugh. Why did everything go upside down? I’ll never understand what happened between us. I check my phone to see what time it is- 21:36. ‘I guess I better start getting home before my parents start to worry about me again’

I start walking home, amongst all the shadows and demons that lurk the streets- they come out just after 9pm. They will already be out looking for prey. I best hurry. I don’t even dare to look behind me, in case someone or something is following me. I keep looking forward, my eyes fixated on the path ahead of me. I start to hear faint footsteps from behind me. I walk faster turning around each corner with a feeling of apprehension. I hesitantly step around the final corner and walk onto my street. I walk up the road, and get so close to my house but yet at the same time so far. I keep walking to get to my house but it keeps moving away from me. The closer I get, the further my house goes. I shout out to my mum and dad. My mum comes outside and tells me to get inside. I walk towards the door and everything's back to normal. I step through the door; it feels so good to be home. The sweet smell of coffee, cottage pie and cleaning fills my nostrils. The clock on the living room says it’s ten past eight. But my phone says its ten o’clock- weird.

I climb two sets of stairs to get to my room, for my room is in the attic. The second set of stairs coated in white carpet, so soft- Often mistaken for snow. My room coated in snow
as well. The ceiling seven feet tall, with a twisting silver light in the Centre. The walls white with a tint of light blue, with cloud stencils. As if my room was in heaven. I wanted my room like that ever since I was little, but now I’m older my opinion has totally changed. I flop onto my double bed and lie there lifeless and motionless.

I drift away into a land forgotten and deserted. I try to paint the sky blue and the grass green but the scenery, wildlife; everything is colour-less, black and white. It won’t seem to change. No pinks, no greens, no blues, no yellows, no reds. No nothing. I picture myself stood outside a big wooden cabin house in the middle of nowhere. I’m just stood there as if I’m waiting for some sort of dramatic change, an irreversible solution. I roll my eyes towards a different direction. And that’s when it hits me. I see what I’ve been waiting for. A purpose in life. You. Him. The person I love. You walk closer to me, with your arms open wide willing to hold me in your loving arms again. As soon as our lips touch each other’s the scenery, the wildlife, everything changes. From black and white to lilacs, baby blue’s, crimson reds, cloudy oranges, bright greens, dark greens; every colour possible. It was magical, perfect, so much better than a romantic film. The sun shines strongly. The birds sing in tune. The sea sways softly. And even the trees manage to bring excitement to the land. We stand here outside the wooden cabin for minutes, hours, days, months just talking about how much we’ve missed each other and how you love me. ‘I need you’ you say repeatedly. I keep quiet and just hold you in my arms. My vision starts to go blurry and I start seeing things from my bedroom. Then I know the fairy-tale is just a fairy-tale and it’s sadly ending. Tears start to roll down my face, I was hoping that the land I was in was reality and reality was the nightmare. I hate not being able to see you, to talk to you, to kiss you, to hold you.

I wake up every morning, hoping to see you lied next to me, but it never happens. I wonder what my life would have been like if I had never of met you. I’d never cry myself to sleep. I’d never have the ‘visions’ were I picture me and you together. It’s me and you against the world. That’s what we always used to say. No one likes the fact we we’re together; friends, family, ex’s. But to be honest we didn’t care, we were strong.
I love you, and that’s coming from the heart. Every time I think about you my heart sinks, my body shakes & my eyes water. I have never loved anyone this much. I grab my diary from inside a shoebox hidden under my bed, with secret things inside it. I write down ‘I Love Paul James Pemberton’, drawing your name in love hearts. I look at my phone and see a picture of me and you kissing. More tears pour from my eyes. I can’t go one hour, let alone a day without thinking of you. Whenever I close my eyes, you’re all I see. When I go to sleep you’re the last thing I see. When I wake up you’re the first thing I think of. Before I knew you I kept asking the gods above for my knight in shining armour to come and rescue me. And he did. It was you. I start wondering if there was any way I could get you back. I’ve said sorry to you a million and one times. But I guess sorry doesn’t mean a thing anymore. The stars at night have been spelling your name. The feeling in my heart just isn’t the same.
I remember one night you were walking me home, and things weren’t going to well. It felt as if I was walking into my death. I just had the feeling, when we said goodbye, it was our final goodbye. I thought then we we’re going to be ‘just friends’ but it turned out I was wrong. You told me you missed me, because we hadn’t seen each other for a week.

10:23pm- And I’m drifting to sleep, with pictures of you in my mind and with pictures of you by my side. I can actually see your mystic blue eyes every time I close my eyes. I loved you and I knew you loved me because I could tell by the look in your eyes. You always stared into my eyes and I could see my reflection through your crystal clear eyes.

I never expected you to do this to me. I guess I was an easy target. Me being a fool to fall for you and after everything I still love you...
Its early morning, and I am thinking to myself I told you everything, all my secrets, my desires, my past and my hopes. But you through them away and acted like you didn’t care. I tried and tried to cope with you, but it just got too much. I had to do what I did, even though it killed me inside. The scars, the bruises and the pain all make sense. The way you treated me, the way I treated you. It all makes sense now. I just wish I realized this when we first got together. So then I didn’t have to go through all this.

 


Submitted: June 04, 2013

© Copyright 2020 ZoeyRawr24. All rights reserved.

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LoverGirlPromiseFighter

I love it!!!! It's so sad that I started crying while reading it. It's really really good!!! Fantastic, sometimes I feel that way. Your writing is fantastic!!!!! I just love it SO much.

Wed, June 5th, 2013 11:20pm

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Thank you! That means a lot to me :D glad you liked it ! :) again thank you!!

Thu, June 6th, 2013 12:09am

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