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I'm nothing more than what I appear to be, because I appear to be something else to everyone I meet. I'm a pathetic, sadistic teenage girl. I'm not a liar, I'm a morbid bastard who wallows in angst. Some would call me ill, and I would call those people ignorant fucks who are proficient in pointing out the obvious. I'm a hypocrite, but at least I don't deny it. I'm not going to tell you not to judge me because thats the fastest way to get to know me. Reality is all perception, so in your own little reality, you may know me very well, without knowing me at all. Don't bitch to me about how you hate people who judge. Because you're one of them. You make inferences based on appearance, its human nature. You can't honestly tell me that if you saw a man wearing a shirt that had a pot leaf on it that you wouldn't for one second think to yourself-
"That guy looks like he's on pot."
Well no shit, his shirt has a pot leaf on it. But for all you know, its not even his shirt. For all you know, it was the last thing in the laundry that was clean. Maybe he just likes the shirt. Point is, you can't not judge. You can say you don't all you want, be my guest, but that would make you a horrible liar. Yeah, you're probably going to judge me, but I don't believe in double standards, make fun of me and I'll probably join in. The last thing I want is for you to be over sensitive. I'm not one for self pity, and I'm not going to bitch about how much I bitch about my life. Comparitively, I have a pretty damn good life. I have a clean home, and a family. But I'm not going to lie, I hate my life, I hate myself and there are times where I have serious thoughts of doing terrible things to other people. I have near-nightly panic attacks and have been since a young age, there are reasons behind them, but its not always the same so I won't bother explaining unless you ask me. I am depressed, I'm lonely, I'm angry at the world. And yes, I'm a teenager, I'm hormonal, but get that bullshit out of your ears and listen, I've been this way a very long time. It's nothing new and I can handle myself. I don't want pity, or sensitivity. I act differently to adapt to situations, as do most people. When I'm around my best friend, I try to be as cheerful and upbeat as possible, because she's very unsure of how to help me. I'm the same way around my parents, simply because they don't understand whats going on or how to help, so my mother worries and my father yells at me. But that's a very brief insight on what sort of family I have, so please try to keep your biased opinions to yourself. I have little more to say about myself. I'm emotional. I take my writing seriously and love it. I compose, listen to, and study music. Call me Alice.
I became insane, with long
intervals of horrible sanity.
- Edgar Allan Poe
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