ashish.anand2706

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ashish.anand2706

Location: United States

Member Since: August 2017

Last online: August 2017

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Below are some pages from my diary.

12 Dec 2010, 2 PM

Voyage d'un lifetime

Waiting at Delhi airport for a new journey to start. Fear of flying, excited for my first trip to South and unacquainted with computers, I am going to join the largest software exporter of India. Living thousand dreams with 25k per month, it is going to be challenging but things do change and dreams do come alive. I see a cool looking boy, wearing glasses waving at me. Just an inch taller than me, he is going to be my messiah tonight helping me survive the turbulence and feeling of nausea.

His name is Tushar. Affluent, extra ordinary programmer and a frequent flyer, he looks confident and so does our third friend, Priyanka, the flapper and our batch topper.  She is a beautiful dude. Yes, a dude and it’s time for some adrenaline rush as we board the flight.

Lady gets the window seat, messiah the middle and Emetophobic gets the Aisle. Inflight safety announcement making me nervous, I choose to write this diary & can now feel a sudden burst of energy. Priyanka and I shared the same class for four years of engineering and this is the first time, I talked to her. I can feel next three months in Trivandrum is going to be fun.

I continue to write with some coke and South Indian food. Another safety announcement and seeing through eyes of Priyanka, we are on top of coconut trees. We are about to land in another 10 minutes and I pack my pen, diary and the Kingfisher head phones. Sorry, it’s my first flight, I need a token of remembrance along with the picture of the beautiful air hostess in the maroon uniform. She reminded me of Russian school but we are in Kerala and no offense, only beauty that I can think of is nature. It’s 7:30 PM and signing off from Trivandrum Airport Terminal 1.

 

12 Dec 2010, 10:30 PM

Un nouveau depart

On the way to the hotel, we dropped Priyanka at our ILP campus hostel, Tushar at his hotel and it ripped my ass of my pants when I reached my hostel. This is not a hostel. It’s a lodge. We heard of ILP as the “Honeymoon” period of life at TCS. It's the transformation phase from college life to the corporate world. Honeymoon period without a girl doesn’t sound exciting and that too in a six cross six sharing room in a lodge with a broken toilet door. Where the hell is coconut timber to fix this? I have to make up my mind to stop assuming that someone masturbated on my mattress.

I heard a group of folks playing some Bengali music and I joined them for dinner at a nearby Dhaba where I met two colleagues from Orissa. I was not even aware of the location of the state on the map of India.

Now I am back to hostel and this is going to be tough. I would have slept on the floor if the room has some space but no other option other than to sleep on the stinky mattress and yellow bed sheet or may be white turned yellow.

It is soon going to be another date so I will sign off for today. Wait a minute – someone is at the door.

He was the hostel warden trying to explain me the bus timings and some rules in half cooked English. After spending four years in Noida hostel, I was sure rules are not meant for me.

I can now relax with my head phone and the mp3 player. It’s 13th Dec now and still finding it hard to sleep after a tiring day.

I can see a group of people through my window. What are they doing in the backyard at this time. Gardening? No, it’s a snake and does it mean that I can’t even open my windows in this hot climate. How can I sleep now after I know there is snake in the backyard? Let me play Hanuman Chalisa. Signing off from Kazhakootam lodge. Good night!

 

13 Dec 2010, 9 PM

Premier jour

This was my first day in ILP, Initial Learning Program and driving through the woods, we reached the training campus. It’s too hot and the tie around my neck was killing me. Feeling nervous, I entered the room and after the orientation, it was time for some documentation work. A hall full of passionate engineers and me still trying to figure out how I cleared my written placement program.

People from all over India, different states, different languages and different culture gathered in one big auditorium. People with flat face and small eyes, they must be from north east, me and Tushar started guessing. People with loose ties and folded up sleeves from Delhi. Dark complexion and oily hair from Kerala? No, Andhra? Or, are they from Tamil Nadu? There was a group from Bengal killing the silence in the auditorium.

As soon as I said “behenchod! Gaand lag gyi honeymoon ki”, I saw someone. Her angelic beauty, intoxicating eyes and edgy face were not meant to be forgotten. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Boy from north is now on a mission. Oxytocin and vasopressin are out of control. This has never happened to me before and I know the road is going to be a bumpy one.

Listening back to back romantic songs and hoping to see her tomorrow, various thoughts are disturbing me. Is she single? Does she speak Hindi? Will my parents accept her if she agrees to marry me? What! Marry me! I just saw her today. I can’t explain what is going through me at this time. Believe me or not, it’s love!!

She was wearing a pink suit and a white salvar carrying the American Tourister backpack. I know it’s silly but I remember the brand of her backpack. I want to know everything about her.

If this is infatuation, I am sure this diary is going to be a piece of shit. But, if it is love, this diary is going to make memories. Signing off for today! 

 

14 Dec 2010, 11 PM

La première interaction

Kitni shiddat se tumhe paane ki koshish ki hai.. Ki har zarre ne mujhe tumse milane ki saazish ki hai.. Kehte hain agar kisi cheez ko agar dil se chaho to saari kayanath tumhe usse milane ki koshish me lag jaati hai..

This is a famous dialog from a Bollywood movie and I feel the same tonight. We all gathered in the auditorium and we were divided into batches. I didn’t know her name so I didn’t know if she was in my batch. What all I know was, Tushar got a different batch but Priyanka and I were in same class.

I entered the class and my eyes were only looking for her. 14th Dec 2010, 11:30 AM, I realized, God exists. When I turned back to see her, there were bees around the flower making me jealous and uncomfortable.

It was the time to play a game. Actually, it’s an introduction session where each associate has to shake hands with other colleagues and tell his/her name along with a dish starting with first letter of name. Her name is Smiti and my favorite dish from today is ‘Sarso ka Saag’.

My favorite state? Orissa. Yes, she is from Bhubaneshwar. Her surname sounds quite instrumental “Sarangi” and that’s what is playing in my heart J

I could not forget her smile and her eyes. I just want one thing from life. I want to be with her forever and for always.

I followed her in canteen and then to her hostel. Tushar knows that I am going mad but he doesn’t know that I was already mad for her. I am obsessed and I know it’s not easy to get out of it. God – please help me sleep. Signing off.

 

20 Dec 2010, 10 PM

Début de l'amitié

She was wearing a blue suit. I was dying for her simplicity but Tushar commented “she lacks dressing sense”. My theories regarding Orissa were proved wrong when she spoke in the class. She is confident and it was difficult for me to believe she can speak such a good English. She was so different from other Oriya people in the class.

Team was divided into various project groups and this was like a dream come true. She is in my group and we share the same machine. She is completely different from me. She carries a novel in her bag and I never read one. She is a Nadal fan and I never watched a tennis match. She watches English movies and I watch Hollywood when I need a sound sleep.

Two thing that are common between us is that we both hate computers and we both like ‘na kajre ki dhar’ from movie Mohra.

I want to ask for her number but I don’t want to show that I am desperate. I waited and finally after 2 days, she asked me to call her if I need to discuss anything about project. I have her number now but I don’t have confidence to call her. She also knows that I am not into Java programming but still she gave me her number. I know she doesn’t hate me.

My plan for now is to get her into our group and introduce her to Priyanka, Tushar, Khushboo, Kshitij and others. It was a weekend and my friends took me to Kovalam beach. I dropped Priyanka to her hostel hoping to see Smiti. While I was coming back towards the campus gate, I met Smiti on the way. She said ‘Hi’ and my heart stopped.

She kept on speaking and I was just seeing her. I don’t remember what all she told but she did express her wish to come with us if we plan anything and I can’t afford to miss this opportunity,

I started planning for a Zoo trip. Don’t ask me, why Zoo? And Priyanka is going to ask Smiti to come with us. I hope she says ‘yes’.

Thinking of her and signing off.

 

25 Dec 2010

Désespéré

Priyanka went to Smiti’s room and asked her to join us for the trip. She said “No” and Priyanka called me to inform that she didn’t even invite her into the room. I thought of cancelling the plan but I can’t let the opportunity go.

I called her to ask if she wants to join us for the trip. She was not ready to come. I don’t know why but I forced her to come with us and I don’t know why but she agreed to come. I was happy but very nervous because my friends were already making fun of me.

She didn’t allow me to take her pictures but I clicked one group picture. I know I am sounding too desperate but believe me I am desperate. We shared the same auto and discussed about her family.

I was sad to know about her family. Her mother was burnt alive by her father after which he married another woman. Smiti and her sister, Jhumu lives in Bhubaneswar with her Maternal grandparents.

She told me everything about her family and how she did job at Infosys while she was doing her MCA. Her life is tough and now, she is not only the most beautiful girl in the world but also the strongest women I have ever met. She took loan for her studies and completed her masters.

I am feeling low and disheartened to write this while drops of tear made the page wet. Need some time. Signing off for now.

 

 

After Almost a month.

Relation amicale

We are now friends from almost a month. We are not very close but she knows that I am in love with her. And I also know, she is no single. She has a boyfriend and she loves him more than anything else.

He is the one who has supported her when she really needs it. I know what I am doing doesn’t make sense. She is in a relationship and I should understand the fact and move on. It’s not that easy. I know about her relationship from the 4th day of ILP but I love her and that can’t change.

I never expressed but she knows that I am madly in love with her and she asked me this question today “Tu is logic se to nahi chal rha ki goal keeper to hota hai har post pe but goal to tab bhi hota hai”. I smiled and didn’t answer.

Sad part is our one month of training is now over and we have to choose a technology. This means our batches will be different if we choose a different technology. She needs to opt for testing because she has done it in the past in Infosys.

I have to choose testing because I want to stay with her. It is difficult for me to leave her. My all other friends opted for Java but I am going to opt for a chance to find my love. My life is Smiti and I no more care about my future. I want to be with her [period]

Today, a funny thing happened. At around 9 PM, the security guard caught me inside the campus. He thought I came out of the Girls hostel but no I was just spending some time inside the campus in the greenery. He noted down my employee ID and gave me a warning.

Good, that he didn’t check my bag. I was carrying a hookah in my office bag and I would have been in trouble if he would have checked my bag.

Signing off.

 

Finally, we are separated.

I was going to opt for testing but my brain stopped me. With a very heavy heart, I thought of opting for a different stream because the fact was Smiti was not going to be with me forever. My brain forced me to take this opportunity to forget her.

I opted for Dot Net and now she is in a different batch and in a different building. We hardly meet and she never calls me. I miss her and sends message sometimes. She also replies but that’s it. We haven’t met for a week now and just met her on the way once but didn’t talk.

I again met her on the way. I am sad, she knows. She said “Hi” and I completely ignored her. 1 hour back she called me and said “Bhau kyun kha rha hai itna”. She called me to meet in Fruit and ice café outside the campus. I couldn’t refuse.

We discussed about new group members and the new project.

She also came to know about my new friend. Her name is “Mondrita” She is my project group member. Smiti joked about my relationship with Mondri but joke was not a joke for her anymore when she saw me with Mondrita coming out of Ginger Hotel.

It was the worst that could have happened. I never knew she was that possessive.

She called me and was very angry. She could have ignored this but she didn’t. She said “tera taste itna kharab hai mje pta nahi tha”.

She calmed down and our friendship continued but I never went out with Mondrita after the incident.

It was the time to choose a city. I have already decided to go to Pune and I got it. Smiti also got Pune and I was very happy. After few days, Smiti informed me she wants to go to Bhubaneswar to take care of her sister and she already discussed with HR.

I was already on a path to move on. I was sad but couldn’t help. I met her just a day before she left for BBSR. At 4 AM, I messaged her and expressed my feelings for her. She said “load na le”

In the morning, she left a message and went to BBSR. I have to join mobility training and was there in Trivandrum for 2 more days before I left for Pune in March 2011.

I don’t think I could ever love someone else.

Signing off forever.

 

Feb 2012

I never thought I will write this diary again.

I was there in TCS Bhosri, Pune office from till July 2011. I joined Shyadri park office in July 2011. We all have communicator installed on our machines where we can chat among the TCS’ers.

I logged in to communicator and within a minute my chat window pops up. Yes, Smiti pinged me. I can’t express what I felt. We continued to chat over the communicator for many hours and she also left her phone number.

I couldn’t control myself and I called her in the night. She didn’t pick up the phone and messaged that she lives in a small house where her room is shared by her sister, her masi and her aai (nani). She couldn’t talk to me in the night.

We continued our chat on the office communicator and then on the phone during the office hours. We spend our entire day on the call. My manager was really frustrated but I was in love. I don’t have time to care about what my manager thinks.

My team members, Meow, Ashru and Srijani are very cooperative. They never let my manager know that I am out of work for most of the day. My manager ‘Chetan’ and ‘Umesh’ have seen me many times roaming in the corridor with my phone and they will surely mess my performance rating this year but who cares. Smiti also shouted at Meow over the chat because she was sitting on my desk. Smiti is too possessive (even for her friends).

I never asked about her relationship and she never told. She did mention about her boyfriend who is now in Mumbai but I never discussed it further. I was happy talking to her and never thought of future. I was living the moment.

I expressed my interest to meet her. She didn’t refuse. She asked me to meet her in Bhubaneswar. I was confused but I booked the tickets and went to BBSR last week. I met her at the Mayfair hotel. We had dinner and vodka and she left for her home.

The next day, we booked a cab and went to Puri temple, beach and Konark. I was happy that I was with her and she felt the same. She told me about the history of Puri temple. Of course, I was not interested in learning about the history.

We are not friends anymore. Something happened and that was not just friendship. Next day, we met in Cafe Coffee Day near TCS BBSR. She was wearing the same pink suit she wore on the first day in Trivandrum and I mentioned this to her that I can never forget the first day of ILP.

I left for Pune at around 2 PM and we shared messages throughout my journey.

 

May 2012

Few days back, she expressed her interest to come to Pune. She wants to live a different life now out of BBSR.

She is now in Pune. I went to station to receive her and she stayed with Priyanka in Park street society, Pune. Good thing is, I also live in the same society. She lied to her family that she got a project in Pune.

She tried and got the project in my office. We spend most of the time together. On Holi, we went to Goa and in April, we went to Ajanta n Ellora caves. We are happy and she is staying with me in my apartment.

I still don’t know what the future would be.

Signing off for now!

 

Jan 2013

She is not with me anymore. Last 6 months were a nightmare. I hate her and so does she. I will write about it if I could ever gather some courage.

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