Last Updated Jun 23, 2017
my lungs will fill then deflate' they fill with fire exhale desire.
*~~ Personal Updates ~~*
Read here to get into my business.
"and i've been sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool
for a while now
drowning my thoughts out with the sounds"
First off, I apologize I haven't been active lately.
I haven't been active in any of my social media lately actually. It's been a while since I logged into Facebook or Twitter. Not even Tumblr.
I'm slacking, I know.
I've kinda been drowning myself in Twenty One Pilots and Halsey to where my mind and my eyes are filled with their lyrics and their colors, and I never thought I'd be one to say I enjoy being drowned.
It can be suffocating from time to time, but all in all, it's quite calming. Having the familiar beats and words on constant repeat in my skull to where they're carve on the bone. The same tingles and shivers at the tips of my fingers and toes and never-ending ripples up and down my fucked up spine. Unbearable feelings that I can't seem to pull apart from after making a deal with my secret demon.
And the lovely thing is, nothing can hurt me then. The only thing that could hurt me is myself.
For some reason when I hear certain songs from them, I get to thinking. Could be something along the lines of like 'how the fuck do I not have TOP merch yet' to 'oh shit another month until summer's over and I'm wasting my life away working at some fast food restaurant why must I be such a failure in life why can't I do anything right lemme pretend to smoke on some Pocky sticks and drink my sorrows away with loads of fruity lemonade alone in my bedroom in the dark' type of crap.
Yeah, it's official that it's possible for my mind to get more screwed over than it was before.
Songs have that ability to do that to the brain, to fuck it up and make you lost in your own thoughts, specifically my brain. It actually first started with Troye Sivan, I think, when he released his TRXYE album - Happy Little Pill.
Crazy that it started a few years ago, I know, but hear me out.
The dark, chilling beats and his words of blue-purple-black constantly made me shiver to where it's hauntingly beautiful. Whenever I was in a state of depression and I heard that song, it actually enhanced the dark vibes within me and increased my depression.
But in a good way...?
I don't fully know how to describe it. It was like walking into the water and sitting at the bottom and just letting the force of the waves pull you all over the place and you do your best to sit still and even though it's impossible, you keep going, to where you run out of breath and finally raise yourself back up to the surface and face the tstorm happening overhead.
It's terrifying, it's too dark, it's confusing and it's hard to breathe because of the waves and the wind constantly pulling you all over the place, dragging you over to their rage-
And you let them. Because you don't mind.
You let it because you want them to take you to that place of rage and darkness.
So they take you to the eye of the storm, the source of the insanity, and you prepare yourself for the worse, to let them have their way with you and drag you to their world of chaos.
And it's calming.
There's no rage, no darkness, only light, and the water's still and the wind's not blowing. You float in the water, under the eye of the storm, and you watch the rage and darkness continuing on pass the borders of this small circle you're stuck in.
And so, you pull yourself deep into the water, to the very bottom, to sit there and let the quiet continue on and have the storm echo in your ears in repeat until you drown yourself in dark, calming content.
That's how it is for me.
And it keeps going for songs like Happy Little Pill, with people like Troye Sivan, and I keep drowning myself in the water of their words and their colors, up to the point I'm familiar with the burning in my thoat and my eyes.
Not like you would care, but here's some songs that I've been obsessing from them lately.
My favorites of TOP: Forest // Not Today // Car Radio // Kitchen Sink // Migraine // Stressed Out // Message Man // Friend, Please // House of Gold // Heavy Dirty Soul
My favorites of Halsey: Gasoline // Now or Never // Colors // Hold Me Down // Young God // Bad At Love // Heaven In Hiding // Angel On Fire // Devil In Me // New Americana
My favorites of Troye Sivan: Happy Little Pill // There For You // Lost Boy // Wild // Youth // Fools // Gasoline // Suburbia // Cool // Bite
What a shitty rad playlist, huh?
*~~ Writers Appreciation Section ~~*
Check out these wickedly wonderful writers and their publishes.
(You can find them on my Reading List! I usually update this, so check it out every once in a while to see if you appear on my list.)
SGAuthor - Silvia Grey
AntiheroNightmare - Morbus & Presence
Decim - The Homo Superiors
Zeej Hawkins - Neighbors
Raechelle Adams - Sol Sisters
MPhlox - Adobe Slabs
P.D. North - To Whom It May Concern
MsSolfegge - Hexameron
Rose Burg - The Run Away
Sotherin - Nocturne
glitchywriter - Complicated
drone0601 - The Moriantes Boy
Jeff Bezaire - Deleria
Mastera - Emental: The Series
Jc Bell - Infinite Limits
Andre Rimmer - Modern Love
Tim Klein - Adventure in a Virtual World
Christy R. - Sapphire Skies
BigBang - The Falls of God and Men
regalwriter - The Deceiver & Violet
Arcane Denial - Promises We Can't Keep
GhostOfTheRain - The Walking Game
*~~ Published Recommendations ~~*
Here are some personal suggestions on which creations of mine you should check out and read.
In an other worldly place filled with spirits, gods, and demons, an adolescent human child finds themselves lost, losing any memory of who they were and where they originally came from. Struggling to find all the answers, they journey through the various mystical islands and meet strange creatures that serve as either their allies or their enemies.
They have to discover who to trust, who to save, who to forget, and do what they must in order to go back home. They have to do whatever it takes to go back to Real Life.
I Taste Your Color
"All she remembered seeing was black and white."
Katherine Park sees the world differently than everyone else. When she was born, the world was black and white, until she heard herself talk. The sound tasted so pure, so fresh, so soft, like a fresh peach in the market or her dad's acoustic guitar. Then she heard her family talk, thinking everyone talked the way her family sounded, vibrant and bright and so colorful.
But when she did, it wasn't what she expected.
Pale and murky, the sounded like the forest fog or the dirty beach sand, as if they reflected on the town and its ways. Kat isn't one to be out there in the open anyway, so she keeps quiet, keeping the purity of her color as much as she can, not wanting her peaches and guitars mix with fog and dirsty beach sand.
And that's where Ariel Oakley takes over.
Also reserved and more mysterious, Ari and his familys moved from busy London to a small and safe suburban area in Portland, Oregon for reasons unknown.
Not knowing anyone else besides those who've been born and raised in the town borders such as herself, Kat goes beyond the boundaries she made for herself to peel more of Ari's color, his reasons, his past, and his secrets, including her own.
A very special fictional memoir-like story inspired and dedicated to a very close childhood friend.
All Things Twisted
Enter Teralyn, a young lady who moves into Slyva, an infamous neighboring town from her old one where all is well when all is not. Tempted to make a new start in her life apart from her already crazy family and past, she finds a job, a home, and a sign that everything will goes as planned. With an obsession with anything dealing with the mystical and the abnormal becomes a reality for her, the heavens above continue to pour down havoc on Teralyn after one faithful day.
But what's the point of telling this story if everything goes as planned in a town that doesn't?
This Is Not A Dream
When Jack Mansen, a troubled ambiguous senior, fails to stick to the basics of high school survival, surviving in general doesn't seem to be necessary anymore. With Isaiah Lyall, the faithful sidekick and only person Jack can trust, they do whatever they can to waste their time everyday until high school's over.
That is until Isaiah dies in a car crash on the way home, with Jack feeling responsible.
However, ever since the event, Jack gets the weirdest dream, as if Jack's reliving the day of Isaiah's death, all over again. And so, Jack twists their fate, avoiding the crash, avoiding his best friend's own death. When Jack wakes up the next day, Isaiah is alive and well, as if nothing happened.
Was it all just a dream?
Back On Track
"But what if I don't want a life-changing experience?"
Kobayashi Masa, nearly about 18 and living in a small town of just school and family life, is being ushered to board a plane from Canada to Japan, forcing her to be an exchange student and adjust to the Japanese lifestyle for a year. Why she's becoming one, she doesn't fully understand why, but to fulfill her parents' request and to know more, she goes.
Along the way, she bumps into the most unusual group of strangers she never should have met: Miyamoto Hikaru, the lighthearted travelling dreamer; Nakajima Yuuki, the intense sassy otaku; Oshiru Atsuko, the ambitious multitalented genius; Kurosawa Kyou, the mischievious underground celebrity; and Hisakawa Ren, the realistic scarred outcast.
As their paths intersect and create one collision after another, Kobayashi has to determine whether or not she can keep on the tragic disaster that continues to take place in her changing life or do whatever it takes to get back on track.
Sorry for such a long news update, but this is all what I needed to announce! Congrats if you reached the end here!
(The colours are to help you concentrate on what you read; if it didn't I'm so sorry...)
I can't wait to publish more content for you to read!
Stay weird and creative.
Featured by author
Book / Fantasy
Book / Mystery and Crime
Book / Young Adult
Book / Other
Hiya Booksie, I'm Isabelle Hansen.
♀ | '98
| Taurean | Asian
| 150 cm/5 ft | INFP-T | Hufflepuff | Engaged to a
A constant dreamer & smol professional internet hobo, forever stuck in the clouds of the internet, deep in a blackhole of existential crises. default settings: awkward, quirky, sarcastic,
rasmus (that's my hubby!) // sleep // taking photos // sweet food // nostalgic daydreams // books (i read too damn much) // youtubers (they ruined me) // anime (also wrecked my life) // plants (especially succulents + cacti) // baby animals // long walks (hate exercise though) // traveling // art (can't draw shit though) // music (alternative; indie; rock) // video games // soft cute clothes // cosplay + conventions (broke af though ;_;) // aesthetics (soft pastel indie hipster grunge art + plant hoe trash i guess??)
life // people // myself sometimes// nausea // my scoliosis // insomnia/nightmares // mockery/humiliation // disrespect/dishonesty // being alone or forgotten // arguing/drama // racists, sexists, etc. // fake people/attention whores // stress // anxiety // horror movies (horror's rad, i just can't take horror movies) // negativity // no internet // extreme hot/cold weather // lightning (the sound of rain x thunder is hella rad though)
Anime & TV Shows: Adventure Time; Avatar: The Last Airbender; Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day; Attack on Titan; Barakamon; Bee & Puppycat; Clannad; Durarara!!; Fruits Basket (wish it stuck with the manga); Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (first one's ok but I like BH); Gravity Falls; Haikyuu!!; Kimi ni Todoke; Kiss Him, Not Me; Kuruko no Basuke; My Hero Academia; My Love Story!!; Naruto & Naruto Shippuden (I kinda lost track of Shippuden...); Ouran High School Host Club; Over the Garden Wall; Princess Tutu; Puella Magi Madoka Magica (starting and quickly loving it!!); Rainbow Days; Sailor Moon (trying to watch more T^T); Samurai Jack (eyyy where my samurai brothas and sistas?); Soul Eater (also wish it stuck with the manga; Soul Eater NOT is TRASH); Star vs. The Forces of Evil; Steven Universe; Studio Ghibli Films (especially Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, & Howl's Moving Castle; love Miyazaki-sensei); Teen Titans (the original yo); The Legend of Korra; Tokyo Ghoul; Voltron: Legendary Defender; Yuri!! On Ice (living for the ViktorxYuuri trash)
Books: All the Bright Places and Holding Up the Universe by Jennifer Niven; Beautiful Broken Things by Sara Barnard; Dream House by Marzia Bisognin; Eleanor & Park and Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell; Everything Everything by J. Mills Goodloe; Eyes Like Stars by Lisa Mantchev; Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling; I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson; I Will Save You by Matt de la Pena; Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli; Tell Me Three Things by Julie Buxbam; The Lord of the Rings Trilogy & The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien; The Star is Also a Sun by Nicola Yoon; Wink Poppy Midnight by April Geneviene Tucholke; John Green's Collection (all of his books are really good honestly, especially TFIOS, despite how mainstream it got)
Music: Twenty One Pilots (currently obsessed right now); Troye Sivan (my baby, so proud); Halsey; Melanie Martinez; Alessia Cara; Coldplay; The Chainsmokers; Paramore; Green Day; Fall Out Boy; Panic! At The Disco; The Lumineers; My Chemical Romance; Ed Sheeran; Sia; Bruno Mars
Video Games: Amnesia (classic horror yeah); Animal Crossing (too damn cute); Corpse Party; Earthbound; Fallout Series (especially FO4); Five Night's at Freddy's (the first's a classic); Final Fantasy Series (FFVII is my baby, love Cloud-senpai); Firewatch; Ib; Kingdom Hearts Series (BBS or 358/2 Days); Legend of Zelda (Skyward's Sword or Majora's Mask); Life Is Strange; Mad Father; Metal Gear Soild Series (Snaaaaakkkeeee!!!); OFF; Outlast (the first will always be in my heart); Slender (if I want classic jumpscares); Soma; Tekken; The Beginner's Guide; The Crooked Man; The Last of Us; The Stanley Parable; The Walking Dead (the first one will always tear me up); The Witch's House; To The Moon; Undertale; Until Dawn; Yume Nikki
YouTubers: Dan & Phil (yes I am a piece of the Phan trash pile); Cryaotic (my first ever Youtuber, he rad, check him out); the UK YT squad; Funhaus; Markimoo and his gang of gigglefests; CoryxKenshin (samurai slice them ankles boy); Pewds & his trashy lovable gaming bros; some beauty gurus here and there (usually Marzia because she's just too kawaii for her own good); pretty much almost everyone of LGBT+ YT community
☾ All we do is think about the feelings we want to hide. ☽
Everything I will type on here are the little thoughts, dreams, nightmares, fantasies, realities, memories, and inspirations stuck in my small head that will be put on this digital journal in form of stories for people like you to read. The catergory I usually list my stories as a default is Young Adult, and they can have some twist of another genre with it, like thriller or fantasy, so have fun with whatever Eeveelution I come up with.
Check out my News if you want to read some of my stuff, but can't find which ones to starting reading. (At the bottom, there's a Published Recommendations list of shit I wrote.) I really do appreciate the time you would put aside just to read whatever crap I felt like putting down here.
I actually love hearing from you guys, so if you have any stories you wrote and recommend me for me to read or some thoughts you'd like to share with me, anything that you like or dislike, or just wanna strike up a conversation or vent out some rage, I am here. Anything you want to talk about, I am here for you and willing to listen. Drop a comment on any of my stories that I'm usually always editing (as I'm prone to be in denile of any mistakes made in them) or email me at any time. I'm usually available whenever and wouldn't mind to chat or give some advice about how bullshit life can be for anyone and how to make it less sucky.
☆ Take me back to the basics and the simple life. ☆
It's nice to think I have plenty of time on my hands, but since I don't, please do take a quick peek at my other social media and *stalk* me at how I live through my boring, useless life through aesthetics and other fellow internet hobos.
(I've been inactive, I know, sorry, but I got plenty of videos planned!)
*Please don't actually stalk me, I will not hesitate to call my personal Rasmus to hunt you down.*
The links are
above to make it easier for lazy scrollers and quick scanners,
but hey, if you made it this far, I'm actually very proud of
Like seriously, congratulations, you definitely have a better chance for success in life than I could ever grasp, damn.
☼ Sometimes to stay alive you got to kill your mind. ☼
Inspiration is hard to come by, so I'll admit there are things like the photos for my book covers or certain characters in certain fanfictions because I was somehow in a certain fanfiction mood are not mine but I do always give credit to the original creator(s).
I personally like to type out my stories first before I give credit because there are some things I don't want or some things I like to add, so whenever I'm finalize my stories, I'll have a credit page of sorts at the end. It'll best to avoid copyright and give credit to the approprite creators that have inspired me to write out my crazy thoughts from my dried-up, crumpled, flower of a brain.
If something seems recognizable and you can tell it's not mine, more likely I pulled it from another source, but that's usually for fanfictions, so I will give credit to the original source(s) at the end of my stories or somewhere in my summaries, depending on how indeceisive I am. I kinda going on my own path and writing my own original content at the moment, but things like book covers or certain things mention in my stories like some songs or websites can appear and will be notified in the credit page at some point. Just whenever I'm satified with whatever bullshit I created.
Don't be normal. See what you want to see.
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