Last Updated May 09, 2017
the cracked seedling in this may bud
Hiya, Booksies! ^_^
*~~ Personal Updates ~~*
Read here to get into my business.
I'm known to be a very late bloomer.
I'm basically Mulan with no China to save to prove herself she can bring honor to her family even though she's a woman. Even more, she can take the risks of getting caught by fellow soldiers or slain by the Huns to protect her father and earn her success through hard work whereas no matter how hard I work, success if still very far away from me.
All in all, let's say I'm that one bud that stays tiny and closed throughout the year, hidden among the other flowers already in full bloom and never getting that chance to bloom.
It's been a while since I've been doing anything... progressive, let's say. Work is usually the number one excuse, but I'm starting to think otherwise. I work and work and work, but everyday goes by like no other, where I drain myself to exhaustion to freshen myself up, do my evening chores, eat dinner, watch some YouTube with Rasmus, put everything up, and get ready for bed to start the next day of work. If work's later in the day, I start my YouTube stuff early while eating breakfast after morning chores. If I'm off, the loop stretches itself for the entire day (I'm not joking) until bed time.
Now, one could say I'm a lazy ass-
I mean, it's true. But still. It hurts.
It's not like I mean to. All I can ever do while I'm not working is chores or sit on my ass watching Funhaus, Markiplier, CoryxKenshin, or GloomGames. (All are great YouTubers by the way, check them out.) I usually finish up my chores pretty quickly, which consist your basics, like feeding my cat Shadow, or washing dishes, or vaccuming the house, watering the plants, and possibly cooking for the family.
Well, sometimes I cook. My mom usually beats me to get to it first.
Not to mention there's three other siblings capable of doing stuff their own, so the extra help make the process go by much faster. (Whenever they're told to do so anyway...)
So what do I do whenever I free time on my hands? I sit on my ass, doing nothing progressive, and waste the hours for it to reset and do it all over again. (Totally not an Undertale reference...)
Sure, I could read my books again or sketch up some ideas for characters or go outside- Actually, there's not much for me in the outside world anymore, and it's not like my parents give me enough freedom to go out anywhere anyway, and in a small town that I'm living in, there's not much to do anyway, so what's the point-
My point was, I just don't do those things like that because I see no point in them anymore. It's the same old things, plots and dialogue and images occurring over and over again to where they become dull, meaningless, and rusty. I'm already in the seemingly never-ending void of a creativity block, and the fact I'm doing the work, chores, YouTube, sleep, repeat process is making me stuck in that black hole longer and deeper.
And I came up with a solution: I need to see the benefits will be in my favor before going along the idea of doing whatever the thing is.
And I know, that makes me sound like a heartless bastard, but I'm talking about the idea for me to make myself better.
I want to get better. I won't get anywhere if I just lounge around doing the same things everyday, nobody does. Look at YouTubers, for example, they constantly have to have something in order to make a video about it, and it can be a walk on the beach with pugs or a new horror game sequel that's not as good as the first. Everyday, I hear my coworkers doing things I wish I did or old classmates becoming the people they always wanted, and they take that opportunity to change themselves to how they want to see themselves, how they want others to see them, and build up a better future for themselves.
Me? I can't do that. And I had opportunities, trust me, I did. But it seems no matter what I do, it reflects back at me and brings harm to me and my future, and I can't do the things I want because I have to give up something in return, and whenever I do, the choices are never in my favor, it's usually in someone else's, but never mine.
So whenever I see an opportunity that seems worth taking, I see if it brings any benefit to me, to make myself better in anyway I can.
If not, I ignore it, like it never existed.
Ever since I graduated, I had more time to practice driving by waking early everyday to drop off my little brother to school and picking him up, but then I'd do nothing at home after chores. I sit on my ass. Then, my parents complain. So I tried getting my license. I failed the test. I keep practicing. I keep doing whatever chores I can. I keep sitting on my flat ass. My parents keep on complaining. So I get a job to shut them up, and to better myself, to show that I can make progress. I get to work and earn money and save my earnings, and it was nice. I was somewhat making progess.
And it worked, for a while.
I gradually stopped waking up early, I stopped dropping off and picking up my brother, I stopped doing chores. My sleep schedule's wack, sleeping that's best for my schedule, I do chores whenever I could, I always miss saying goodbye to my younger brothers before they leave for school, I'm having to depend on my parents to drop me off in time (I could care less about being picked up late), I do whatever I can to spend time with Rasmus and make the day worth it for the both of us, and sometimes doing all of these little things everyday makes me snap, and I lose control, and I put my emotions at work or my brothers or my parents or on Rasmus, and sometimes I hate myself for it and sometimes I liked it because I would think they deserve it when they never do and the feeling of just letting all of that out is nice, but it's so fucked up of me to put it on the people I love when they did absolutely nothing wrong and do their best to help and be there for me and saying things like, "You've done good, you can relax, you deserve it," when I don't deserve shit because I don't do shit, but I keep going, I keep hurting them, I keep hurting myself, I keep not doing anything, and I just-
I just think it's better for me to stay as a late bloomer.
Read these lil' pieces from my previous news updates.
Let's get real for a moment.
Ever since this year started, I've been facing an intense battle of complex feelings. I tried explaining that on a recent YouTube video on my channel. (If you're interested on anything like that, you can check out my links on my profile; the vid's called It's been a while.)
In short: I've been having creativity issues.
I first thought it was no problem. I've been through it before, and usually it'll pass within a month or so. The only struggle I would have been doing anything creative was the time to do it or the supplies needed to make it possible.
Honestly, this has started before the year started. It's been going on for nearly 5 months now.
I tried pushing them off the side with Rasmus and work and just go day by day, letting life pass and find my inspiration that way. When that didn't work, I go in search for inspiration.
I'd watch my favourite YouTubers that inspired me; I'd read the stories from books like Fangirl and I Will Save You; I'd sit through films such as Miyazaki's Princess Mononoke or anime series like Boku no Hero Academia; I'd listen to music from talented artists like Troye Sivan and Alessia Cara; I'd go through the plots of amazing games such as Final Fantasy VII and To The Moon once more.
Nothing I really did worked.
So I think I'm officially brain dead now.
I don't know how it'll last. This is the longest I've ever been through a creativity bust since high school.
It's like I want to do something, even if it's just a little update video on Youtube, I get, I dunno, "mentally exhausted" of the process of just starting up the camera.
And so I bail out. And the day passes me once again.
I did do an entire video explaining my experience during my very first anime convention with one of my best friends, Eclipse Corp (very rad guy, look him up on YT, does entertaining gaming vids), but I guess the idea of having a horrible video editing program and a schedule where I'm constantly either working or watching Funhaus with Rasmus doesn't help much.
Then again, Donnie goes to school and work, so holy crappu.
There's also the fact I failed on having an SD card for my camera to film everything, so just having a handful of photos wasn't good enough for to make a video. (I'm not one to just sit in my room and just talk to my camera normally just yet.)
But anyway, as most people know, I'm incredibly lazy. Physically, mentally, and spiritually.
At the moment.
I mean, I feel like Gudetama or Pusheen right now.
(Is that a copyright issue? I hope not, oh god...)
Hopefully things will get better. In the mean time, I'll just keep working and spend more time with Rasmus.
(His support is non-stop, who is he, Hamilton, like chill the frick down honey; I mean, I love ya, but damn. *kisses*)
Who knows, maybe I'll find the inspiration to at least write a bit of a new story idea about a group of kids doing shit I'd imagine doing with my friends, like spending long nights camping in the back of the car underneath a clear starry sky or chilling in an empty laundromat with cheap Cola down our throats. Like a day in the life of a kid trying to make the best of everyday in a small town.
Then again, who knows. A drain can only plug up so much water.
While we are on the topic of aesthetics, I've changed my Tumblr quite recently to fit my current mood for this month. It's been a while since I've been on, so I thought I change a few things.
(I know, it's been such a long time, so it was quite a nice refresher.)
The color scheme and vibe are very similar over there, so if that's to your liking, check out my blog.
I've been reblogging a lot of Asian aesthetics lately, anything simple and kawaii and pastel. I've also changed my playlist to where the songs have a more relaxing, chill vibe for those lazy weekend days. Most of my music I got from rad channels like Majestic Casual and MrSuicideSheep, and I totally recommend their channels to listen for any situation of the day.
The link is in my bio on Booksie or Twitter, or for those who are too lazy to search, just copy and paste from here: http://www.cecilisabeth16.tumblr.com/
The color of the link is the same as my Tumblr blog, to make it easier. You're welcome.
*~~ Writers Appreciation Section ~~*
Check out these wickedly wonderful writers and their publishes.
(You can find them on my Reading List! I usually update this, so check it out every once in a while to see if you appear on my list! ^_^)
SGAuthor - Silvia Grey
AntiheroNightmare - Morbus & Presence
Decim - The Homo Superiors
Zeej Hawkins - Neighbors
Raechelle Adams - Sol Sisters
MPhlox - Adobe Slabs
P.D. North - To Whom It May Concern
MsSolfegge - Hexameron
Rose Burg - The Run Away
Sotherin - Nocturne
glitchywriter - Complicated
drone0601 - The Moriantes Boy
Jeff Bezaire - Deleria
Mastera - Emental: The Series
Jc Bell - Infinite Limits
Andre Rimmer - Modern Love
Tim Klein - Adventure in a Virtual World
Christy R. - Sapphire Skies
BigBang - The Falls of God and Men
regalwriter - The Deceiver & Violet
Arcane Denial - Promises We Can't Keep
GhostOfTheRain - The Walking Game
*~~ Published Recommendations ~~*
Here are some personal suggestions on which creations of mine you should check out and read.
In an other worldly place filled with spirits, gods, and demons, an adolescent human child finds themselves lost, losing any memory of who they were and where they originally came from. Struggling to find all the answers, they journey through the various mystical islands and meet strange creatures that serve as either their allies or their enemies.
They have to discover who to trust, who to save, who to forget, and do what they must in order to go back home. They have to do whatever it takes to go back to Real Life.
The Lion and the Tiger
Catherine Park, quiet and pure, isn't one to be out there in the open, and that's where Ariel Oakley takes over. Also reserved and more mysterious, Ari and his five older brothers moved from busy London to a small and safe suburban area in Portland, Oregon for reasons unknown.
Not knowing anyone else besides those who've been born and raised in the town borders such as herself, Cat goes beyond the boundaries she made for herself to peel more of Ari's reasons, his past, and his secrets, including her own.
A very special fictional memoir-like story inspired and dedicated to a very close childhood friend.
All Things Twisted
Enter Teralyn, a young lady who moves into Slyva, an infamous neighboring town from her old one where all is well when all is not. Tempted to make a new start in her life apart from her already crazy family and past, she finds a job, a home, and a sign that everything will goes as planned. With an obsession with anything dealing with the mystical and the abnormal becomes a reality for her, the heavens above continue to pour down havoc on Teralyn after one faithful day.
But what's the point of telling this story if everything goes as planned in a town that doesn't?
When Jack Mansen, a troubled ambiguous senior, fails to stick to the basics of high school survival, surviving in general doesn't seem to be necessary anymore. With Isaiah Lyall, the faithful sidekick and only person Jack can trust, they do whatever they can to waste their time everyday until high school's over.
That is until Isaiah dies in a car crash on the way home, with Jack feeling responsible.
However, ever since the event, Jack gets the weirdest dream, as if Jack's reliving the day of Isaiah's death, all over again. And so, Jack twists their fate, avoiding the crash, avoiding his best friend's own death. When Jack wakes up the next day, Isaiah is alive and well, as if nothing happened.
Was it all just a dream?
Back On Track
"But what if I don't want a life-changing experience?"
Kobayashi Masa, nearly about 18 and living in a small town of just school and family life, is being ushered to board a plane from Canada to Japan, forcing her to be an exchange student and adjust to the Japanese lifestyle for a year. Why she's becoming one, she doesn't fully understand why, but to fulfill her parents' request and to know more, she goes.
Along the way, she bumps into the most unusual group of strangers she never should have met: Miyamoto Hikaru, the lighthearted travelling dreamer; Nakajima Yuuki, the intense sassy otaku; Oshiru Atsuko, the ambitious multitalented genius; Kurosawa Kyou, the mischievious underground celebrity; and Hisakawa Ren, the realistic scarred outcast.
As their paths intersect and create one collision after another, Kobayashi has to determine whether or not she can keep on the tragic disaster that continues to take place in her changing life or do whatever it takes to get back on track.
Sorry for such a long news update, but this is all what I needed to announce! Congrats if you reached the end here!
(The colours are to help you concentrate on what you read; if it didn't I'm so sorry...)
I can't wait to publish more content for you to read!
Stay weird and creative~ ^_^
Featured by author
Book / Fantasy
Book / Mystery and Crime
Book / Young Adult
Hiya, I'm Isabelle!
Lookie here, a mini bio:
'98 | USA | Taurean | Asian | She's forever stuck in between the interwebs, deep in a void of existential crises and internet hoboness, and still wanting to be lost and pay attention to all the little details from a distance...
Okay, continue on.
Wanna know more about me? Click on these links of my other social media to know my interests!
(I've been inactive, I know, sorry, but I got plenty of videos planned!)
Too lazy? (same...) Drop a message! Type up a comment! Email me!
Everything I will type on here are the little thoughts, dreams, nightmares, fantasies, realities, memories, and inspirations stuck in my small head that will be put as possible poems, short stories, maybe some fanfictions, and bits and pieces of novels?
The genres will most likely to change because I'm into many different kinds, but most would be relatable, such as young adult (I know, ugh, but it's the seller nowadays), mixed in with other genres like fantasy, thriller, adventure, comedy, romance, stuff like that...
Then there's some plot twists, because plot twists are the very definition of my existence.
Praise the plot twists.
☾ If you have any publishes you would like for me to check out and read, please leave a comment below, and I shall try my best to reply back and check out your stuff! In return, please check out my weird short stories and fanfictions! I'm glad to receive any comments on how I could improve on any of my stories or to redo any mistakes that I would most likely tend to miss. ☽
☆ If you want to add any possible idea(s) or character(s) into one of my crazy creations, contact me through comments/emails so we can work something out. Depending on what I'm writing and how your idea/character will flow in with my story, I'll try my very best to reach the satisfaction of both of our needs. Please provide as much information as possible to make the story even juicier for fellow readers! (and mainly because I suck at visualizing with little details so please please please do thank you so much ;-;) ☆
☼ Please note that whenever I write fanfictions, the original ideas and creations of characters, places and areas, and story plots don't belong to me, but only to the rightful owner(s) of whatever fandom I craved to type about. Any AUs, OCs, HCs, and NC OTPs that wasn't originally planned and placed in any of the following fandoms are my responsibility and property, unless it is said otherwise. This also includes for any artwork of the covers for my stories; I'm not an artist (I'm shit ;_;) and all covers are usually edited by me of art that I think visualizes perfectly of how I see my stories - all original artwork belongs rightfully to each of the original creator(s)/artist(s). ☼
Alright! I just threw in a list that seemed informative and useful. I'm sure that's a way to make avoid any of that copyright stuff, right? Haha... Huh... I hope I didn't make you colorblind... And... oh lordie... so sorry this is really long... Whoops. ~(TqT)~
Stay weird and creative~☄ ☆*･*✲ﾟ゜❁ﾟ･*◝(｡^‿^｡)◜*･*✲ﾟ゜❁ﾟ･*☆
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