YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN 2009 IF:
1.) You accidentally enter
your password on a microwave
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your
friends is they dont have a screenname or my space
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote
instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and
you know you did!
When you are
courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on
a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's
when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose
red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am
basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut
taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty.
She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she
My theory is
that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
If love is
the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
never wear anything that panics the cat.
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.
wrongs don't make a right, try three.
If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
I think serial monogamy says it all.
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted .
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
I have a new
philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.
evils, I always pick the one I never tried
I wonder if
other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious
some batteries, but they weren't included.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
'never lick the spoon'-Albert Einstien
'I am Fidel Castro,and we have come to liberate Cuba'-Fidel castro
'when we no longer dream we die!'-not sure
Everything happens when we die nothing happens while we live.-Anonnymous
If you want to write a quickee (a remark or a hint for example) on this writer's profile, please sign in.