EarlyBird

EarlyBird Profile


EarlyBird

Location: United States

Gender: F

Member Since: May 2018

Last online: May 2018

Open for read requests: Yes

Profile Information

* I am ESL, my english grammar is imperfect. I just want to share my story*

 

"You have a deficientcy and I have seen it over and over. It's a menal disorder where you can't empathize".

"That's going to be the huge challenge in your life and the pleople you get lose to, it's rough". 

"You are one of the dumbest ever". "F* dumb as f*, cunt, mean, nasty and insulting". 

 

That's what I heard when I asked him how we are going to handle the lease because I want to move out. I am in the stageof numb. I feel like these words get under my skin and freeze me everytime when I hear it. I start to beleive that I am such a bad person. I have no value and I am the failure.

"You don't have to listen to him." My friend suggested. I did not listen. By time when you are together everyday, you hear it and you start to beleive it subconciously.

It is not a complicated issue when the relationship starts with substance abuse. I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago in Denver. I met him from the online dating website. That was right after I got divorce, from my first love, together for 6 years. After the divorce and my ex husband moved to China, I started online dating website, right away. Even though some say I need to wait but I didn't listen. I talked to some guys and there's the one saying hi to me. The profile picture is a tough look handsome man with beard wearing a long sleeve shirt. Nice clean look with a short but frequent conversation. I felt special right away after I saw his picture (that's crazy I know). He override the desire feeling. His name is James. James is a pharmacist and he also has the online business. I got a crush on his confidence and how smart he is. I like him a lot more than anyone. He asked me the phone number and have never texted for a week. I was waiting and waiting. 

When I looked back to myself

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