Ghonesis on Booksie

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Poem / Poetry
Daydreaming at school

Daydreaming at school

Poem / Poetry
What am I doing wrong?

Poem / Poetry

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I've died on Booksie. Haven't been posting for months now...

Feel free to read, still. I guess I've moved on from my poetry-writing-angsty-teenager-phase. Too bad, some people said I was pretty good at writing.

I still write, but rarely. Last poem: 'At my age' has been the first in month. And I used to read a lot on this site as well, now I completely stopped.

I initially started writing because I always had some sort of liking for poetry. But I was a game addict: I didn't care for anything but my video games and I really didn't want to.

Then my hard drive crashed and I was left without a computer for a week. I just didn't know what to do... so I started writing poetry. At first it was just in Dutch.. and really bad, now I'm rereading them. I knew about Booksie already, so when I got my computer back I looked it up and started reading a lot of poetry.

At some point: after chatting and replying to some works for a bit, I was asked to post some of my own work...

That's basically when I started writing... in class, during breaks, during nighttime when I'm supposed to be asleep.. etc.

Back then I used to think video games were not a life. They only distracted me from the horrors I face each day in the depression I fell into after losing my PC for a week. I didn't enjoy it as I did before.

I never really stopped gaming, but I was less serious and spend less time on them. I was rather reading or writing poetry or talking on Omegle about my problems.

This lasted for about.. 11 months? In that time I had 3 crushes... (because you would probably understand that writing poetry makes you more aware of your feelings and that's when I started noticing the amazing girls I encounter daily).

I had guts to tell all 3 about my feelings, but that didn't get me far. The first one I gave up on before I even tried. That was just a silly crush and I knew in the end I'd never want to be with her.

The second was worse: I wrote a love letter to her. And I don't know about you, but apparently I hadn't realised received a love letter from a random student at the same school is kinda creepy.

Even though, she asked me out for a date, which I completely failed because I was way too nervous. I just couldn't think straight. But it was kind of expected given she's both pretty and sweet. But at least I got a chance to fail: I learned from that mistake.

The third one is the most silliest: on a holiday job for 3 weeks there was this girls I only saw. We made eye contact a lot in breaks and during work, but we never really spoke. So one day I walked up to her and asked if I could speak to her in the break. She nervously agreed.

At break I told her outright I thought she was the most amazing girl I knew at work. I introduced myself and she responded accordingly. But since she was with friends she said goodbye and left for lunch. After that she simply avoided me...

But at some day of work she comes up to me and tells me she quit: she couldn't handle the situations and the pressure. She simply wanted to say farewell to me... I guess I should have asked for a cell phone number or her full name to get her Facebook or something... but I didn't. Because while she ignored me I was telling myself to get over her. After that I never saw her again.

Anyway, after about 11 months: maybe 2-3 weeks ago, I realised something.

Gaming is a life. It's the life I fell back to after some depressions and setbacks. Because in the end.. what does it matter as long as you have fun? I don't want to worry about how bad my life sucks all the time: it's a waste. Enjoying life is what life is for.. to me.

And of course I'd rather walk down a country road holding hands with a girl than winning any tournament of any game, but teenage love simply isn't cut out for me. I've had too much bad luck to try again right now.

Teenage love simply comes from an overload of hormones.. it's perverted, silly and stupid. And the hormones can also be dealt with by pleasing yourself all the time, which is what teenagers (especially boys) simply do. Teenage love rarely works out into marriage or a long-lasting relationship.

So.. uhm.. I've gone a bit astray, but that's basically why I left Booksie: I don't want to be reminded of how bad life sucks here. I don't even want to think about my past, philosophy, love, or anything related to it. I just want to forget everything and have a good time with the friends I have now.

You probably enjoyed the story of my teenage life, somehow. Because if you didn't, why did you finish it, aye?

I'm just a boy, I rant about stuff in my life few people care about in the end. Because caring is a skill many people fail to master...

I'll be saying farewell to Booksie for now.

RIP Ghonesis

Sayonara.

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