Ghonesis Profile
Location: Netherlands
Member Since: September 2011
Last online: August 2017
Open for read requests: No
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I've died on
Booksie. Haven't been posting for months
now...
Feel free to
read, still. I guess I've moved on from my
poetry-writing-angsty-teenager-phase. Too bad, some people said I
was pretty good at writing.
I still write,
but rarely. Last poem: 'At my age' has been the first in month.
And I used to read a lot on this site as well, now I completely
stopped.
I initially
started writing because I always had some sort of liking for
poetry. But I was a game addict: I didn't care for anything but
my video games and I really didn't want to.
Then my hard
drive crashed and I was left without a computer for a week. I
just didn't know what to do... so I started writing poetry. At
first it was just in Dutch.. and really bad, now I'm rereading
them. I knew about Booksie already, so when I got my computer
back I looked it up and started reading a lot of
poetry.
At some point:
after chatting and replying to some works for a bit, I was asked
to post some of my own work...
That's basically
when I started writing... in class, during breaks, during
nighttime when I'm supposed to be asleep..
etc.
Back then I used
to think video games were not a life. They only distracted me
from the horrors I face each day in the depression I fell into
after losing my PC for a week. I didn't enjoy it as I did
before.
I never really
stopped gaming, but I was less serious and spend less time on
them. I was rather reading or writing poetry or talking on Omegle
about my problems.
This lasted for
about.. 11 months? In that time I had 3 crushes... (because you
would probably understand that writing poetry makes you more
aware of your feelings and that's when I started noticing the
amazing girls I encounter daily).
I had guts to
tell all 3 about my feelings, but that didn't get me far. The
first one I gave up on before I even tried. That was just a silly
crush and I knew in the end I'd never want to be with
her.
The second was
worse: I wrote a love letter to her. And I don't know about you,
but apparently I hadn't realised received a love letter from a
random student at the same school is kinda
creepy.
Even though, she
asked me out for a date, which I completely failed because I was
way too nervous. I just couldn't think straight. But it was kind
of expected given she's both pretty and sweet. But at least I got
a chance to fail: I learned from that
mistake.
The third one is
the most silliest: on a holiday job for 3 weeks there was this
girls I only saw. We made eye contact a lot in breaks and during
work, but we never really spoke. So one day I walked up to her
and asked if I could speak to her in the break. She nervously
agreed.
At break I told
her outright I thought she was the most amazing girl I knew at
work. I introduced myself and she responded accordingly. But
since she was with friends she said goodbye and left for lunch.
After that she simply avoided me...
But at some day
of work she comes up to me and tells me she quit: she couldn't
handle the situations and the pressure. She simply wanted to say
farewell to me... I guess I should have asked for a cell phone
number or her full name to get her Facebook or something... but I
didn't. Because while she ignored me I was telling myself to get
over her. After that I never saw her again.
Anyway, after
about 11 months: maybe 2-3 weeks ago, I realised
something.
Gaming is a life.
It's the life I fell back to after some depressions and setbacks.
Because in the end.. what does it matter as long as you have fun?
I don't want to worry about how bad my life sucks all the time:
it's a waste. Enjoying life is what life is for.. to
me.
And of course I'd
rather walk down a country road holding hands with a girl than
winning any tournament of any game, but teenage love simply isn't
cut out for me. I've had too much bad luck to try again right
now.
Teenage love
simply comes from an overload of hormones.. it's perverted, silly
and stupid. And the hormones can also be dealt with by pleasing
yourself all the time, which is what teenagers (especially boys)
simply do. Teenage love rarely works out into marriage or a
long-lasting relationship.
So.. uhm.. I've
gone a bit astray, but that's basically why I left Booksie: I
don't want to be reminded of how bad life sucks here. I don't
even want to think about my past, philosophy, love, or anything
related to it. I just want to forget everything and have a good
time with the friends I have now.
You probably
enjoyed the story of my teenage life, somehow. Because if you
didn't, why did you finish it, aye?
I'm just a boy, I
rant about stuff in my life few people care about in the end.
Because caring is a skill many people fail to
master...
I'll be saying
farewell to Booksie for now.
RIP
Ghonesis
Sayonara.
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