[If you want an editor, check out the end of my profile :D]
I grew up in Africa. Had to get your attention somehow ;P Anyways, I really was raised in Kenya, and now I live stateside. Writing is sort of instinctive for me, like how cats hunt moths. One moment I'm totally fine, the next I'm springing about, wild-eyed, high on adrenaline, going, "Omigodomigodomigod I've got the best friggin' idea for a friggin' story in the history of friggin'ness!" And then I start jumping at the window.
Not all my writing is good, and I know it, of course. So if you want to tell me that my poem sucks, do! Please do--but make sure you tell me EXACTLY what sucks and exactly why. Alternately, if you think I am a Deity of Words brought nigh unto the world that it may learn from my genius, and so desireth to tell unto me this thought, then you had better be able to cite the sentence wherein my godhood shone through unto thine eyes. (The point is, I want to know what I'm doing right and wrong; generalistic laudatory/undercutting statements are unhelpful and I file them into the "Do Not Bother With" box.)
And let me amend the preceding with this: I like hyperbole as much as the next crazy word-god, but please try to keep the superlatives to a minimum when critiquing. (Unless they are hilarious. Then leave them in, that I may laugh at thy genius wit). I promise to do the same when commenting on your work.
And I'll just confess it here: I'm a poetry snob. Not by choice, though: all I've done for the past six months is read and analyze works by classic British poets, from Chaucer all the way up to Eliot. So it's really my English teacher's fault. Anyways, I mentally compare every poem to that of a relatively comparable classic poet, which means that if I make a condescending remark on a poem of yours, I'm not trying to be mean, and I hope you don't take offense. Please don't take offense. It's just really hard to ignore T. S. Eliot (he won't stop reciting "The Hollow Men" in my subconscious).
ATTENTION!!! I am offering editorial services to my fellow Booksians :D Paste the work into an email and send it to firstname.lastname@example.org and tell me what specifically you want (ie. just spelling, spelling and punctuation, grammar/spelling/punctuation, style, etc.), otherwise I will just do grammar/punctuation and minimal amounts of style. Note that I reserve the right to choose which pieces I edit; I am human, after all. BUT, if I specifically left you a comment, then I will definitely edit what you send me :D So, open up your various email providers, and let the madness commence!!
Approximate Times for Editing
Poetry and short stories under 8 pages: one week barring zombie apocalypses/insanity in my life.
Short stories between 8 and 30 pages: two to three weeks, barring nuclear apocalypses/insanity in my life.
Novellas (between 30 and 100 pages): three to four weeks, barring robot apocalypses/insanity in my life.
Novels between 100 and 350 pages: four to six weeks barring above listed circumstances.
Novels between 350 and 600 pages: six to eight weeks barring above listed circumstances.
Anything longer than 600 pages: an immediate reply asking how in the world you have written that much; six to eight weeks for the first 600 pages, however many weeks correspond to the remaining number of pages.
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