LaceyRisa

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LaceyRisa

Location: Plainwell, United States

Member Since: May 2009

Open for read requests: Yes

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How can these websites expect you to describe yourself?  Most of the time, you barely know yourself.  It's too hard so you pretend to know what you think you are.  All I usually do is start writing my hobbies, fav. books, and favorite things to write.  I'm not going to do that now.  I WAS going to use my friends idea and talk about myself in third person, but that's plagerism...or at least stealing somone's ideas.  I hate it when people do that.

So I'm going to try this.  I'm sorry if I fail epicly.

My name is...well...I don't know yet.  I'm not about to tell you my real name because I only want to be stalked by my friends.  No strangers.  I'm a seventeen year old band geek in need of a social life.  God is my life, and after three years of praying about it, I'm pretty sure he wants me to write.  I am SO glad because I love it.  So many thoughts run through my head that I need to get out, out, OUT.  People that aren't real, places that will never exist, problems that I've never had...it all needs to get OUT.  So I write.

And I have this odd habit of sitting outside on my porch when there's a thunderstorm.  I don't do anything.  Maybe I'll take a book or my guitar, my precious Kismet that is probably in retirement now that she's broken, but I sit and watch and listen.  The rain is a musical number in itself and I feel almost supernaturally calm when I hear it.  And thunderstorms have always interested me.  So I'm always out there...listening.

I hate crying, but lately I feel the need to, even when I don't THINK I need to.  A lot of...stuff has happened to me these past seven years...I think it's all coming back to me now...all that emotion that I kept locked up inside.  But...I don't want to break.  I almost did once and I don't want to get  near that place ever again.  It was too dark, too quiet...to lonely for me to survive there.  And I don't want to JUST survive.  I want to thrive and show people that God really does love us and that he wants us to be happy.  I mean, being alone is wonderful, but that lonliness is horrible.  You CAN be alone but not lonely.  I am often enough.

I also have this obsession with the sky.  I want it to be mine.  Sounds weird, but it's true.  My favorite animals are ones that fly.  Even the nonexisting ones.  Like dragons.  I love dragons.

Speaking of dragons, I have an imaginary friend.  She has six different shapes.  A tiny dragon, a cat person, a person with wings, a falcon, a winged horse or a unicorn.  Corny, but I like talking to her...er...myself.  It helps me relax.  We often pray together and she gives me advice that I don't want to hear.  (subconsious much?)  The thing is, she doesn't have a name yet.  I think I know it but...I'm afraid to admit it.  I think she's the me I want me to be...and I know her name.  She's the name that I'm thinking of calling myself...but...I can't. 

No, I'm not insane, I'm spontaneously unique.  Get. Over. It.

~~

EDIT: May 14, 2009 6:33 AM

~~

I know what my imaginary friend's name is.  Her name is Clairissa Anne Starr.  I've used her name so many times in fanfictions that I don't think about it anymore.  She's supposed to be me but she's too...thoughtful, caring, and, most of all, confident.  Confidence is something I lack.  I can be thoughtful and caring, but not all the time like she is. 

At least I'm not lying to myself.  I'm mean and angry a lot of the time, and I hole up in my room reading or I stare at a computer screen typing or reading or watching shows made in Japan or I even create videos to songs.  Anything but productive.  Anything but what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing.  Procrastinations...well...it's procrastination.  Enough said.

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