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meccapikachu

Location: United States

Member Since: September 2017

Last online: September 2017

Open for read requests: Yes

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If you think life is beautiful and perfect. You are wrong. Life is painful, stressful, unrealistic. Its more of you either live or you die, no in between. It hurts to say but its real, nobody knows why people are judgmental, hateful, untrustworthy. It sucks to say but growing up i didn't know what love meant. I was too busy getting jumped, bullied, hurt. Last time I was happy was when I was seven. As the years goes by I have been in and out of hospitals because i have been suicidal. Yeah it sucks. But i lived with it my whole life; i honestly thought it was over for me, being young, unfocused. I used to have good grades, awesome attendence, everything. Up until I hit middle school it's been pretty bad. I have always tried to fit in but i clearly see it made things worst for me. To be honest i didn't have much friends like I thought i did. Everyone used me and tricked me into doing things i didn't want to. Being young and moving from school to school sucks; only cause you have to see new faces and feel low. Within the time period I was dignosed with PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, Anemic, and both sides of an Eating Disorder. Til this day I feel weak and alone, even though I know I have a few friends. I am eighteen now and still feel lost but my dreams of becoming a writer and photographer has been the same for years. It hasn't changed. I keep telling myself everyday. "how come you're still overweight and ugly.'' Thats what i say everyday of my life which i know it's sad but it's how I feel. Sometimes I wish there was some way I can actually become happy like I was when I was seven in this twisted world. Sad thing about it; I still listen to bullies, judgementals. I know you might ask, "Why would you still listen to them." Well being traumatized all your life with different things you don't understand what to do anymore. So you feel like those people are telling the truth about you instead of the people you think is fake and untrustworthy. That's how I feel everyday of my life and I am sure some people feel the same way as well. Being an outcast is good but also bad, only because you have nobody but yourself to talk to but then you also dont or can't trust anyone because of your past. It sucks only because you wish you had someone to be your understander but you don't like certain people. That's me. What I am trying to say is my life isn't happy or perfect like I want it to be but sometimes you have to get where you want to go just to be who you are and let go of your past and just focus on your future. Someday I would like to become a writer and photographer, only because i wanna get around and be happy. I will not let my illneses define who I am and you shouldn't either, you are loved and beautiful, even though i'm still learning but i'm still going to help others as well. It's my dream to become a person who helps everyone and face my fears while doing it. I know you can do it I believe in you.

Mecca <3~ 

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