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round square Profile

round square Profile


round square

Location: Planet Mongo, Cayman Islands

Member Since: March 2009

Open for read requests: Yes

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‘Mr. Round Square Chumoto: B.A., Ancient and Modern Humour Writing from Royal Institute of Writing, M.A., Humour Studies. Awards achieved; Honorary Humour Warrior two years running, Overall Winner; Lord of Humour Prize. Positions held; Dean of the Faculty Humour Mongering, Research Fellow Gallows Humours from the International University of Humour Geniuses, Secretary University Humours and Jokes Committee.

‘I took my early training in humour out of poetry, drama and comedies. I found my humour in Shakespeare plays. Lips that Shakespeare taught to speak have whispered their secrets of humour into my ears. I have had the arms of Rosaline around me, and kissed Juliet on the mouth.’

‘To write bluntly through telling stories. I will outdo the Decameron and the 1001 Nights. What Shakespeare did, I will do better.’
‘Do I have any commitments as a writer?’
‘Through my writing, I am on a quest to find out why the people never made it possible for me to drive in any of the luxuriously modeled and fashioned cars provided for the VIPs during the celebration of our independence. That’s why my razor sharp pen and written word will tear those influential figures in the government to shreds. I will not omit their luxuriously furnished villas along the coast nor their air-conditioned limousines purring along on petrol subsidized by the tax-payers.’

‘I will write about crooked public servants who take advantage of their key positions to feather their own nests. I will write about under-qualified persons appointed to over-paid posts: giving empty promises and hypocritical gimmicks, in high-sounding verbiage, and their rhetoric, strung together by unscrupulous technical advisers and dotted with deceptive statistics to give impression of seriousness and truth, fed to us every evening on TV. Sycophancy of the highest order when they brag non-stop that they are fighting for our rights in parliament.

‘I am a very social person. I have over three thousand Facebook friends among them celebrities, opinion makers and politicians. I always advise Uncle Bob on matters of policy. I turned down, however, his offer that I should become an honorary citizen so that I can deliver my services properly. I do speeches for Mu-7 and often chat with Col. JJ War Plane. I am tagged in a picture with Mwammar in his profile portrait as we unveiled the United States of Africa vision in Addisville-what used to be the capital of Ethiopia. I am in constant touch with Cousin Obama…’

from my pain shortlisted short story

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