SimonClemens Profile

Writer from America.

Grumpy insomniac.

Working in computers.

Reformed hipster.

Drunk asshole.

(I do web design and cyber security, I am justified.)

Hey.

Preferred Genres: Sci-Fi, General, Thriller, Fantasy, Horror, and almost anything as long it's not Romance. Neither you nor my ex can make me like that homogenized dumpster juice as a reader or as an editor.

I generally go more for science fiction, horror, and my favorite stories tend to be both.

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Dislikes:

I hate the Romance genre. In fact I go out of my way to avoid work with the romance tag, because my bias will often cause me to have nothing nice to say and then it devolves into this humiliating rant that I scramble to delete once I sober up.

Actually being transparent here, I don't exactly hate all of it. It's just much harder to get me to like any of it. Reading or editing. So congrats to anyone who manages to give me something nice to say.

I am irritated by people who not only can't do English writing well despite having online spellcheck/grammar checkers, and editors(such as me) available to them, but if you also refuse to improve I feel I have a right to dislike you. Trying to use excuses rather than do any of the things I just suggested is even worse. I will not be nice to you. With all that I probably sound like a douche (I am), but I can generally tell when you are making an effort, and I will always praise writers who are trying to get better (except for a lot of romance work for obvious reasons). The key word is "effort." I'll even help if you allow.

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I'm an obsessive who barely sleeps more than three hours as of late. I might be on here pretty often, if only just to check over my work.

As a rule, I will never review re-posted fan fiction positively. FanFiction.net is still up, right? 

Reviewing

If I've been on your story, probably enable iComments. I love to make commentary on those. And correct whatever mistakes you make. Proofreading is a great business if you want to actually work from home, btw. If you're any good at it.

I'll just be honest; I think 98% of the content here is garbage (because most of it is Romance and variations, and also the infestation of stupid brats who can't write), and I will tell you if I think that includes your work. I'm not going to just say that, I have to mention why I think it is. Try not to cry. You can go ahead and do the same with my work, maybe we can improve each other. I'll try not to cry.

Long story short, don't request me if not getting showered with praise or receiving criticism will bruise your little ego. I don't sugarcoat even if I like something. Although I am happy to embarass myself if I do. Also if I have had a few. They aren't always related.

You may also find me on Fictionpress, and Wattpad (but not as often because I grew up).

I am open to review requests and returns.

That's all. Good day.