Thomas Matthew R. Profile

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Thomas Matthew R.

Location: Netherlands

Member Since: November 2017

Last online: November 2017

Open for read requests: Yes

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After you read this answer what I have to do. Share this. Help me. This is a real story.

Chapter 1 ‘’perfection’’:


I went with train to the last station, friday night, it felt like a long time just sitting down in a train from home to here but I was  waiting for a friend, not nobody...somebody...the first who wanted to meet up in a long time. This friend came with the bike and there we were. She did gave me a hug and it felt like a long time I had someone a real friend who liked me while I’m still terrified of all the things the voices who are talking, teacher who tell me stuff and make me scared of the real world, friends who don’t even feel real because you lost your best and you just have to go along with, the parents, therapy, social media, the ill people and family, magazines and news stories all those things were just in my head...A fucking big sound of noise, but there I was in a city with a friend and we were cycling, walking, my feets going just up and down. There I was in the city where I was born going to a house that exactly looked like the house I lived in when I was born. We were there, talked as friends, waiting for her friends, 5 minutes of watching TV and there I heard the bell ‘’ringing’’ telling me to let this feel like the last night ever, like there was no night after even if there was. 2 random strangers for just ‘’me’’ walked in after the door opened and there there was that one girl and she really  wasn’t comfortable with the cold water, I just noticed..not that..I noticed her brown eyes, lips gone dry but red lips, perfect size, colour and shape, beautiful lips who you just wanted to kiss, her hair the brown shiny color but it felt like more than just that color, her perfect skin, everything I saw was perfection. I thought my dream girl didn’t live on this planet and I didn’t expect anything,  I didn’t fell for her and always thought love was a fucking game because people are faking it even the ones I loved.  I felt a depression period for so long that I just wanted to drink all night because I just didn’t expect  anything to happen with a girl who never ever, ever kissed before. There I was in a house, searching for booze, but we couldn’t drink it, it was to expensive to drink or anyway to take some without my friends dad noticing. There we were talking again, staying up and I ordered a pizza for us, a pizza sounds boring in a story doesn’t it? When this pizza came it just all started but before that happened, the story, my story. Arend (the other boy) and I went to the shops to search for a random stranger who could get us some booze, when we were there it was around 21.00. The shops were closed and there was no booze, just nothing only strangers and my pizza would come in an half hour so we went back to home, well a place what felt like a home but in this story I call it home. Just home. ‘’home’’.  ‘fuck’, we came home but forgot to get some cash so I had to get to a ATM fast. We got on the bike and cycled super fast really fast even it was like a bike was running for their life if they had one. We got back as fast as we could and there we were, sweaty and paying the pizza delivery guy. We got back inside just got the booze of her dads and starting drinking, eating, drinking, eating, finished the pizza. Now the love story began, there we were again bored and almost drunk. We couldn’t walk in a right line and were out of balance, ‘’Kim’’ that’s her name and I went searching for the key almost drunk, walking around and around until we found it. We walked outside but now you think, It’s cold, get a jacket, wear some shoes, no we just walked outside on socks. We had conversations about everything, life, school, sports everything walked around for 45 minutes in the cold weather and got back inside. It was not 1 minute later and we wanted to go outside again, so we did. We got back outside and walked again and found a bench. We sat down and we talked and I just asked her ‘’why have you never kissed before?’’ this sentence was so wrong but she answered ‘’I don’t know, I’m not scared at all, I just want to get drunk and kiss someone when I’m drunk, that’s how I want my first kiss to be’’and I just had no idea what to say, no idea, I looked her just in the eyes and thought about the ‘reason why’. Why she had to get drunk for her first kiss, I thought love was important to girls and that girls wanted to have their first kiss romantic, like mine, passion. My heart raised when I looked in the most beautiful eyes in the world, it was like I saw true love, I felt it, never felt it before, just felt it and my lips touched her lips, her lips mine, 7 seconds, slow seconds, like days were passing, like it was the end of the world and you found someone you wanted to be with, the best of my life those seconds. It was not even the best kiss at all, it was just bad but I fell in love with her on this moment. This day, this year, this hour, this minute, this seconds. This made the sound in my head go away, the depression I felt, the darkness, the people, I just saw her, her lips and her eyes nothing else. She was perfect, I wasn’t but I just wanted her. If I did anything right in my life, it was this moment, the moment I gave her my heart. We have 1 universe, 9 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas and I had the privilege of meeting this girl. All the pain I just felt went away. It was her and me nothing else. I knew I would choose her over and over, how much pain it would take, even if I had to wear all the sens in the world on me, the weight of the universe, I would love her. You know they say, there isn’t a perfect one, well they're wrong, you just have to feel, she’s perfect and it’s true love. I fell in love with the most unexpected person, the most unexpected time, the most unexpected place and I didn’t expect anything to happen. I knew from this moment, I would accept all the pain I can get from her, That she didn’t love me but I must show her what our story can be and all I want everyday, for the rest of my life, is to see her face. When we got back this kiss felt so wrong...right...wrong...right. I knew she would regret this but I want her to know me, I want to know her. If you think I’m crazy, I know I’m in love with her. If you are looking for the word, that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything and you just want it even if it destroys you, it’s love. I know i can’t stop because I love her, I don’t stop, ever, if you call me crazy while reading this, I’m still in love with her. I can’t give up, I know because if i just could give up and take the world advice or hers and you would move on. That would just be some other disposable thing that’s not worth fighting for. When we got back, we got just more drunk, drunk, drunk and she even puked because of all the booze. We had both some liters, and I know I’m leaving out what happened all, she fall asleep because she had a match next day without a blanket so I gave her one. I talked with my friend about everything but the only thing I was just watching was her sleep because I knew I wouldn’t see for a long time after this day..maybe 2 weeks...maybe 4...maybe a month..maybe a year..I just watched her all the time because she is what I loved. I stayed awake until she woke up...she did..sometimes and helped her when she wanted anything. I watch her all night and when I watched the stars, I saw a star..not any star..literally a falling star and this is still a real I did my wish and if you think you know my wish.  The next morning I felt like my heart was stolen but I couldn’t steal hers and not minutes later after she woke up...she left. I asked myself..this this the girl I want to love forever and I answered ‘’no’’. Now you're asking ‘’no why?’’..that’s because this girl is worth trying to fight for forever but when she ends up somewhere else, I would find someone that’s exactly like her and I would love that girl as much as I loved her but now I love this girl with my whole heart and the next time I see her still. I have to know what a relationship with her would be like. I know it’s true love. Let us be. I opened my phone the night after yesterday and said sorry for what happened but I actually hoped she would tell me she loved me for it..How could I be so dumb to not just tell her I fucking love her. That’s because I’m scared to lose her, I have to build this love and wait until I know she falls for me. She told me she also was sorry for yesterday, that she doesn’t remember much, she knows what happened and how but she doesn’t know if you wants to fall in love with me because she’s not ready. Life is hard isn’t it? so then I fucking fight for it. She told me next day when I tried to start a conversation she liked someone else and that’s why she regret it.  I told her 3 things, I have time, Talk with me if you can and the third. The third thing was a example, if you love 2 people, choose the second, because if you really liked the first, you wouldn’t kiss the second. She first didn’t know what she wanted to answer and I knew she was thinking about us. Definitely. She responded. I don’t think I want to talk with you because then I think of our kiss and I like still him. Not exactly what she said but I know it was what she was saying. I just told her I wait for you until you have the time, when you have the time come talk. I really didn’t know what I had to do so I just stared at a photo from her and me after this. A tear fell, just one sad tear, the tear I would drop in sea if I could tell her if she could find it I wouldn’t love her anymore. This is the beginning of my story, the story you're reading, while I’m writing this I’m still thinking about what I have to do, drop this on the internet and wait until she finds this? I don’t know. I know I would show her this story and kiss her if I could meet up again, kiss her right, better, the best she would feel in her whole life. What is love now in your eye? Is it just something you want or you want to wait for and fight for. You can be in a relationship for 2 years and not truly love someone, or fight for a relationship where love is everything, where fear is gone if you're scared because you know you can die with her if you’re scared. Love is for everyone different for me is love, just this girl. I tell you this is love, love at first sight, first sight, at ever and every sight and I would fucking go for this. Why is everyone just so scared to say that they love someone, It makes it worse. If she would read this she know she wouldn’t kiss me without a reason, she had one, I want to give her one again.  This is not telling her that I love her, this is telling her ‘’how’’’, ‘how much I love this damn girl in this much days. I just need her and some sunsets. The next chapter starts when a conversation starts.


Chapter 2:



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