My name is Joel. I am now too old to still be moping over dumb shit that happened three years ago, but here I am, posting all this bullshit. And for what? So that other children that feel like I do can say "Wow! That's exactly how I feel?" NO. Fuck that.
I suppose the only reason I post any of this shit is to make myself miserable, so that I have a legitimate reason to wallow in self-hate. Every time I get on this goddamn website something inside me hopes that she actually cares, and that maybe she read that I still care too. Of course we were always just too polar opposite to ever work out. There was no way in hell that she would have tolerated me for more than six months, but at least I then would have had those six months of bliss. The only thing I have to hold on to now is just one day, just the one day that I will never forget. To me, you will always be that lovable, innocent, beautiful girl from that day, I will cherish those memories forever, never letting go, never giving up hope that one day fate will work in my favor, and that one day, I could perhaps experience that joy again. This is the only thing that drives me, that keeps me going when I wake up every morning. That and the drugs.
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