Spirit of my book
Is it true? There Are No Coincidences.
I used to be an atheist and a skeptic, and was so firmly
entrenched in these beliefs that the world appeared to me a
circus. A circus of crazy, gullible, nieve people who were
just wandering around waiting for the next input from a scam
artist or opportunist. Anyone trying to make a buck, feed
their ego, or most often, both. My belief was all
emcompassing and ranged from info-mercials to religion, and
because I was so totally and utterly sure I was right about
my world view, the over-riding emotion for the life I was
living was pity. Pity for all the poor slobs who couldn't
think for themselves and were more than willing to hand over
everything they owned from their wallets to their
I believed that this world is solid and only as real as your
five senses told you it was. There is no magic, there is no
mystery, and there is nothing you can do to influence your
lot in life other than to work hard and hope things will go
your way. Most of all though, I was absolutely sure that
there was no God, Gods or mystical connection to something
bigger or deeper than what you can see, hear, touch, taste or
smell. What you see is what you get and, while I was happy in
my life and smug in my certainty, I believed that the sooner
you accepted this cold, hard view of our existence, the less
vulnerable you were to all the scammers out there and could
buckle down and get to the hard work of living.
Then life pulled the rug out from under me, as life most
assurdely and eventually will. After one traumatic, life
altering event, an event that most people will face if they
live long enough, I was reduced to a shell. A shell of a
person and a mere outline of my former, arrogant, righteous
self, and as the smoke cleared I found that I had a very
important decision to make. My old way of thinking was fine
for somone who had the luxury of never feeling real loss or
real pain, but now that way of thinking threatened to destroy
me. I no longer had that luxury and realized I needed to
change, but I was going to need some help. Old habits die
hard and I was going to need a little help.
A little help is just what I got, and as in the song
"Breakeven" by The Script, when I awoke from the disbelief of
this life altering event and found myself trapped in a
"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing"
"Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,"
"I'm falling to pieces"
"Im falling to pieces"
but that God didn't care that I didn't believe in him and he
answered my prayers anyway. I look back now and am still
amazed at how one traumatic event can transform you entire
life long way of thinking if you can just find the courage to
give up your skeptism, let go of your stubborness, relax and
Even more amazing is when I realized that the transformation
had begun before the event took place, as if someone or
something was preparing me to survive. This force made sure
that, as thin as it was, I had a lifeline to the wonder and
magic of this world. It took some time but I'm no longer that
cold, hard, walled off skeptic and while I know more of what
"I'm not" than of "what I am", I know for sure that I'm no
longer an atheist.
I see strange, mystical things in my everyday life and, while
I work each day to find their meaning, I know that they exist
and therefore there is more out there than my old tired
skeptic can easily explain off. My search for answers
continues, but I finally feel connected to something or
somone bigger than myself.